"if your partner obviously misunderstood your motives in reaching their antagonistic conclusion toward you, maybe because of unresolved trauma or abuse in their history... it’s also important that you take the opportunity to further explain your intentions."

How does one go about explaining themselves without coming across as dismissive? I've recently come to realize (19 years into marriage with an abuse [multiple forms] survivor) that if I even try to explain why I did something or how my motives are not actually what they're being painted to be that it results in my wife feeling completely dismissed and unheard. Lately I've tried to not defend or explain myself for the sake of allowing her to feel heard but I feel it has also lead to a rapid decline in her perspective of me (her being allowed to ruminate in antagonism toward me unchallenged).