Values are what bring distinction to your life. You don't find them, you choose them. And when you do, you're on the path to fulfillment.
My mother was exactly like this. My mother brutally bullied her children for 50 years. My mother had absolutely nothing good to say about any of us.......all this while my father watched alongside quietly. As long as there were three children for my mother to bully she didn't bully my faher. No matter what we did or said my mother wouldn't stop.
Then my father died.
My mother no longer had her enabler, somebody whose silence on the matter didn't signal complicit acceptance and support for her atrocious narcissistic behavior. My sisters suddenly found the courage to hang up the phone, walk away and put up a resistance. My father wasn't there to insist we tolerate, accept and apologize to our abusive mother.
Mom isn't perfect now but she's learning the hard way at a very old age that she has to change or nobody will be left to talk to her.
It's not just Susan that is the problem here. Take a hard look at that codependent enabling husband that is eagerly placing himself in the victim group. He's not a victim.
Research shows that life changes are stressful. These suggestions can help.
Holding onto old behaviors might have a purpose.
Psychology explains why reports of wrongdoing are often attacked.