I know that Dr. Gottman's advice sounds counter to common sense, but the way I wrote it is exactly what he wrote and meant. I'll clarify a bit by quoting his next words:

"All the couple needs to do is to be able to genuinely say, when one person says 'no' to sex, 'That's okay, honey. Thank you for telling me that you're not in the mood. What would you like right now? Can I hold you, or do you want to take a walk? What do you need? Let me know what would feel good.' Then not only is there no punishment for saying 'no' to sex, but it is, in some sense, welcome...."

Again, I realize it may be quite a challenge for many people (men, typically) to grasp how this is going to lead to more sex over time. But it makes sense to me, as I can recall times when I felt I couldn't say no, but didn't want to say yes, which spoiled the moment, and many later moments, for me (and my spouse).

Does that help at all?