Time to prepare for YOUR summer romance!
Posted Jun 20, 2011
Just as in the musical Grease - it's officially summer and boy, love is in the air!
Regardless of your current relationship status - many of us have had a summer romance at one point in our lives. Or maybe even two (or three)!
Surely, you can recall those glorious warm summer days and starry balmy nights with a certain special someone? Whether they are in the distant past, or you were out with them last night - I don't have to be the one to tell you that a summer fling is not only enjoyable - but it can bring a healthy balance to your life, increase happiness and foster a tremendous sense of fulfillment.
Think about it.
You have three carefree months without the heavy commitment of a real relationship - but all the "perks" of one. At summers end, you bid your friend goodbye, and return to real life with memories to cherish, a killer tan and a boosted ego.
If you haven't already experienced summer lovin' - let me be the first to tell you - there is STILL TIME! Listen, I'm spoken for - so I have to live vicariously through you. If you're single and ready to mingle, here are my top tips for making that body work for you - land Mr./Ms. Right Now tonight!
Do not hit another Tiki Bar without this info - you'll thank me come Labor Day!
Research has shown us that it takes anywhere from 90 seconds to 4 minutes for the subconscious (or the conscious if you are a picky wicky!) to determine your initial attraction to a member of the opposite sex.
Lesson? You gotta be on your game if you have any hope of landing your very own Danny Zuko - and I know you do!!
First and foremost, know the Belly Button Rule (henceforth referred to as the BBR).
The direction the belly button faces reflects our attitude and reveals our emotional state - we can easily send the wrong signal without even knowing it - telling possible love matches that we are closed, rather than open for business!
When out and about - be certain that your face that tummy tum towards the guy or gal that interests you - not the door (indicates you want to run for the hills), not the waitress (indicates you want to run for the hills with HER) and for goodness sakes, don't cover it up (indicates you are emotionally withdrawn and not interested in anyone but yourself!).
The BBR is one of the most accurate tools we have - it enables us to read and influence others without saying a word. By facing your potential love with both your eyes and belly button - they'll be more likely to engage in conversation with you.
As the saying goes - you only have one chance for a first impression, so be sure to make it memorable with the perfect handshake and posture.
One of the biggest mistakes people make when first meeting someone is rushing the connection. This is not a race! Take your time, and pay attention to what you're portraying through eye contact, handshake, gestures, posture, the angle of your body and the direction your feet are pointing.
The good (and often bad) thing about body language is that your brain is already an expert! Your subconscious picks up on the minute signals that another person is sending your way, whether or not you realize it is another story. When you hear people talk about love at first sight or having someone "rub them the wrong way" - this is why! The brain has picked up on conversational cues and assigned them a positive or negative meaning.
Probably while you are still trying to ask what the person's name is.
To leave a positive, warm impression with another - do these 4 things:
- Keep Eye Contact
- Flash a warm smile
- Make sure your belly buttons line up
- Point your feet towards the other person
BONUS BIT: After you let go of their hand, keep eye contact for an extra second - definitely signals a s-t-r-o-n-g interest, and ramps up the sexual chemistry.
Alas, what to do if you are out and about, all mani/pedied up, cute new outfit...and still....now one's approaching?
Well, I hate to break it to you - but could be your body language screams "Unavailable!!"
Here are a couple quick fixes!
If you are sitting at a bar make sure your elbows and body aren't facing the bar, closing your body up in a tidy little box. Not the way to get any action. Try positioning yourself outward away from the bar to show that you are open and approachable (and maybe even ready for a free drink)!
By using two opposing body language signals, you can cultivate an aura of mystery. According to the world-renowned anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher, people are excited by others who are mysterious, because mystery triggers dopamine, a powerful stimulant in the brain that gives us a natural high.
So try this: when out mingling with friends, lean on the bar with your belly button facing the person in front of you but point your face toward the other person. This will make your new friend eager to reestablish belly button connection. It's a scientific way of playing hard to get (and ladies, we alllll know how well that works!)
Occasionally, self-touch gestures can be appealing and attractive. But, be sure to use the right ones, with the proper timing! Otherwise you risk appearing nervous - not an attractive quality for a potential mate.
Try putting a finger to the lips (when thinking), caressing a leg, and playing with a charm on a necklace are all great ways women can use self-touch to draw attention to themselves.
Most importantly - be yourself! All of these tips and techniques will work best when incorporated into your natural way of being. Enhance yourself organically, select the body language moves that feel most in line with your current state of being - and then, as the song goes - bust a MOVE!
Don't wait until July 4th to see some fireworks, create a spark in your life with a memorable summer romance.
Janine Driver is the NY Times Bestselling author of YOU SAY MORE THAN YOU THINK: A 7-DAY PLAN FOR USING THE NEW BODY LANGUAGE TO GET WHAT YOU WANT and LAND YOUR MAN: 50 BODY LANGUAGE FLASHCARDS FOR DATING AND LOVE. She is happily married, but still secretly in love with Danny Zuko.