How Feeling Embarrassed Makes You More Likable

We live in a competitive world, where people value achievement and accomplishment and strive for perfection. Whether we are talking business, sports, science, or academic achievement, we admire successful people and are understandably impressed by a presentation of polished perfection. But interpersonally, are those the people we like the most? Are we drawn to people who seem to be competent and confident in every area, or are we more likely to want to socialize with people who display some measure of vulnerability? Research offers some interesting observations.

A woman feels embarrassed.

Source: Roznicky/Pixabay

The endearment of embarrassment

Everyone has been there, feeling embarrassed over something we said, did, or accidentally displayed. From words to wardrobe malfunctions, everyone makes mistakes and feels ashamed. But according to research, unintentionally revealing your humanity may make you relatable, endearing, and appealing.

Matthew Feinberg et al. (2012), in a piece entitled “Flustered and Faithful,” explored the extent to which embarrassment functions as a sign of prosociality.[i] They recognize that people experience embarrassment as unpleasant and negative but note that expressions of embarrassment have important social functions.

In their research, which involved subjects revealing embarrassing moments, they demonstrate that people recognize the expression of embarrassment as signaling prosociality and social relational commitment. This recognition prompts observers to respond in kind through expressions of affiliation, including demonstrating a higher degree of trust, willingness to donate resources, and a desire to affiliate with the person who is embarrassed.

They also found that people who are more “embarrassable” reported a higher degree of prosociality and were more generous than their counterparts who did not embarrass as easily.

Relatability is likeability

The types of embarrassment reported by Feinberg et al.’s study participants included social mishaps, such as tripping in public. Perhaps it is noteworthy that the types of social gaffes referenced in the research are not confined to any particular demographic group and are thus widely applicable, which illustrates the broader truth that we are drawn to others to whom we can relate. As much as we strive for achievement and even perfection, blunders and bloopers remind us not to take ourselves too seriously. We also empathize with others who make mistakes. Perhaps because it is endearing and encouraging to be reminded that we are not alone in our imperfect humanity.