The Emotional Benefits of Feeling Unique

As you have no doubt been reminded of by everyone from relatives to role-models, there is only one “you.” Everyone knows this, yet the extent to which we internalize this understanding often predicts well-being and satisfaction. Some people view themselves as snowflakes, distinctive in every sense of the word, while others feel like trees blending into the forest—predicting that no one would notice if they were gone. Most people fit somewhere in the middle, balancing positive self-esteem with a healthy dose of humility.

To what extent should distinctiveness be celebrated rather than merely acknowledged? True, we share similarities with others, and as I describe in a prior post, we are attracted to others with whom we share unique interests. But we are also unique. Not in a sense of being superior, but separate. Indeed, it is through celebrating our differences that we recognize we are better together.

Appreciating this reality, many people are not content to merely follow the leader. Desiring to branch out on their own and explore their own path, innovative, curious, enterprising individuals weigh their options carefully, but creatively. Wise counsel and good judgment are both important when making lifestyle choices, but so is embracing individuality. How does all of this work together? Research provides some explanation.

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Feeling Special

In a study entitled “Feeling special, feeling happy,” Selda Koydemir et al. (2018) found a personal sense of uniqueness to be positively associated with authentic living, which was positively related to happiness.[i] They found the relationship between a personal sense of uniqueness and happiness to be mediated by self-alienation—a core dimension of authenticity. They found a negative correlation between happiness and self-alienation, but a positive correlation between happiness and authentic living.

Koydemir et al. define self-alienation as “a gap between conscious awareness and actual experience,” describing self-alienated people as feeling “out of touch” with their core being. They define authentic living, in contrast, as congruence between emotional behaviors and expressions, and conscious awareness of beliefs, emotions, and cognitions.

Freedom of Choice

Koydemir et al. observe that having a personal sense of uniqueness allows people more freedom to make lifestyle choices, as opposed to relying on others for points of reference. They recognize that feeling unique means feeling special while walking down one´s own path, rather than seeking to conform to external influences. They note their findings are consistent with research asserting that uniqueness is related to authenticity—which requires accepting the opportunities that flow from a unique personality, and is in line with having a “stable and congruent self-esteem.”

Regarding the moderate negative correlation between personal sense of uniqueness and self-alienation, they note that people who felt more unique had a “smaller mismatch between conscious awareness and actual awareness.” They suggest this may stem from the fact that a sense of uniqueness allows people to appreciate their “true self” and minimize the discrepancy between thought and action.

Not surprisingly, many people can relate to a sense of satisfaction when they are fulfilling their goals and living in a fashion consistent with their values and ideals, and conversely, experience emotional distress when they deviate from what they consider to be the right path. Appreciating the positive impact of personal uniqueness within this analysis explains how authenticity creates contentment.

Unique and Happy

Embracing a healthy sense of uniqueness appears to be an important characteristic of well-being. We can live authentically by appreciating the things we have, while also acknowledging why we have them. Recognizing the contributions of faith, friends, and family strengthens resolve and relationships, and allows us to feel both gratified and grateful.