Happiness

Time to Create the Life You Want

Don’t let the past you have endured interfere with the future you desire.

Posted January 1, 2022 | Reviewed by Vanessa Lancaster

Key points

Your past does not have to predict your future.
The beginning of each new year gives you a socially sanctioned opportunity to begin a new life journey.
There are four common barriers to creating the life you want. They can be overcome through determination and changing your narrative.

Source: Alexas_Fotos/ Pixabay

If we have somehow failed to learn a key lesson of a raging pandemic, which is that every moment is a precious gift, then at least let us embrace an opportunity that comes every year. By the grace of the calendar, once a year, we get a chance to thoughtfully turn our backs to the past and focus on creating a new future.

This socially-endorsed opportunity is the New Year. Think about what and where you want to be in the next year, and it can be so, stated the "Thomas Theorem." This concept was later restated as the “self-fulfilling prophecy.” Sadly, many people will not embrace the opportunity to create a better future, especially in the wake of great adversity.

There are at least four reasons people get “stuck” in their life journey. Let’s take a look at four barriers to happiness and success in this great adventure called life and how to overcome them.

Why People Get Stuck

While there are many reasons we get stuck in a life trajectory we deem less than desirable, here are four of the more common.

We believe our past dictates our future. This leaves us feeling hopeless.
We fear failure and rejection. As a result, we opt for the status quo and fail to take risks often required to be successful. We avoid failure and rejection by choosing not to try. As Virginia Satir famously noted, most people prefer the certainty of misery to the misery of uncertainty.
We don’t have anyone in our lives to support and advocate for us. A survey of Gen Z revealed that roughly 20 percent of respondents stated they had no close friends.
We do not believe we deserve happiness and success. Sadly, some of us have experienced lives of pain and disappointment. In an attempt to make sense of such experiences, we conclude we simply don’t deserve happiness and success.

Overcoming Barriers

So now, let’s take a look at how we can move past these barriers and create the lives we desire.

For much of our lives, we’ve heard that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. This belief often dissuades us from trying to live a better life. Research tells us it’s more complicated than a simple, pithy statement. In reality, research tells us that, overall, past behavior explains only about 15 percent of future behavior. That means the vast majority of your future is determined by factors other than your past. As Maya Angelou noted, “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” Perhaps the most important determinant of a happy and successful future is relentless determination, which some refer to as “grit.”
If you are paralyzed by the fear of failure and rejection. If you believe it is better to fail by your own hand rather than be told by others you’re not good enough, simply say to yourself every day these three statements. First, say to yourself, “Anything worth having is worth failing for.” Then say to yourself, “That which does not destroy me makes me stronger.” Finally, say to yourself, “Life is a journey, not a destination, there is no such thing as failure.”
If you don’t have anyone in your life to support and advocate for you, then begin a relentless search for someone with a kind heart and compassionate presence. No matter what you may believe, you are not meant to be alone.
Reject the idea that you do not deserve happiness and success. Promise yourself to never surrender your future to those who, at best, do not care about you or, at worst, wish you ill.

Once a year, by the grace of the calendar, we are given an opportunity to begin life anew. This can be your moment.