Gender Norms: My Son Wants to Be a Princess for Halloween

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Halloween is an opportunity for pushing against the limits of gender roles, allowing for exploration, self-expression, and stepping into roles beyond the confines of our day-to-day lives. It permits us to discover stories and characters, by using art, crafts, and role play to set our imagination free. In this space of creative expression, costumes are simply costumes. There is no need to label them as ‘for girls’ or ‘for boys.’

Within the context of a male-dominated society, expectations of what gender should wear certain costumes can be seriously limiting, stereotypical, and reductive. Letting go of rigid associations allows for increased inclusivity and opportunities for self-expression.

When a little girl wants to dress up as a superhero or a construction worker it may be seen as empowerment, and parents may feel proud of their daughter for being strong and resilient. However, the reaction may be harsher when a boy wants to dress up as a fairy or a princess. Respecting individuality rather than reinforcing outdated gender norms must be kept in mind for all children.

"I don’t really know if my paintings are surreal or not, but I do know that they represent the frankest expression of myself."—Frida Kahlo

Gender Assigned Colors

It is illogical and absurd to assign colors based on gender—blue for men, pink for women—when these are social, made up, constructs. While it may be culturally accepted for a woman to wear a blue sweater, a man wearing a pink sweater may draw unnecessary and maybe even negative attention.

Gender reveal parties have imposed the idea that pink is for girls and blue is for boys. Assigning colors to babies enforces a stereotype that they are supposed to grow into. Since there are two colors, it assumes that there are only two genders, two roles, that are appropriate to claim. A girl who is more into a traditionally masculine style is considered a tomboy and not girlie enough whereas a boy who leans more toward a traditionally feminine style may be faced with judgments of being perceived as weak and not man enough. Gendered colors are significantly outdated, and lead to stereotypes, sexism, prejudice, and exclusion.

It can be very confusing for a little boy when a girl can wear pants, but a boy can't wear a skirt. In the same vein, it can feel very disempowering when a girl is discouraged from outfits that are more practical, plain, and easy to move in.

How to prepare your child for negative reactions

As a parent, it is our responsibility to prepare our children for negative social reactions, we must teach them how to manage criticism and regulate their own responses. Prepare your child for the possibility of negative comments, mockery, and even bullying. Let your child know that while it is neither fair nor right, it can still happen. Ultimately it is your role as a parent to make decisions that reflect your values and teach your child that those who criticize or mock often feel restricted and insecure in their own ability to express themselves.

If other adults make fun of your child or make mean comments about your child’s costume, it is essential to defend your child. Set clear boundaries, and if necessary, remove yourself and your child from their presence. It is important for your child to see that you can stand up for him, that you have his back, and you support him fully. This helps foster a sense of security and reinforces their self-worth, showing them that their feelings matter, and permitting them to express themselves.

Should your child feel upset by any negative reactions, offer reassurance. Validate their emotions, let them know it's okay to feel hurt or confused and remind them that they are not to blame. Ultimately, a child’s sense of self and trust in their own worth is built on the foundation of caregivers who are attuned to their emotional and physical needs. Your unwavering support is crucial to helping them trust themselves, see their inherent worth, and grow up to be a loving and lovable adult. Halloween is a good time to push against gender stereotypes and celebrate creative expression.

"A person should always choose a costume which is in direct contrast to her own personality."—Lucy Van Pelt, 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘎𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘗𝘶𝘮𝘱𝘬𝘪𝘯, 𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘦 𝘉𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘯