Cursing Can Be Healing AF

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Perceptions of Cursing

Our personal belief about cursing is determined by our value systems, upbringing, cultural background, and societal messaging we have been exposed to. For some, profanity is considered impolite, rude, and disrespectful. Others might tolerate profanity in some settings or view it as acceptable for certain groups or genders (e.g., it’s ok if men curse but not so much for women). For some, cursing is seen as a way of expressing intense emotion and viewed as a better alternative to physical violence (Husain et al, 2023). There are also arguments that swearing is related to intelligence and creativity, facilitates anger management, and may even indicate honesty (Johnson 2012).

These studies have highlighted the social benefits of swearing, including building camaraderie and solidarity within a group, especially one that is being marginalized or discriminated against. Trust and intimacy among friends, athletic groups, and co-workers are additional benefits that swearing reportedly may have.

While interpersonal relationships are clearly impacted by what we say and how we say it, there are also researchers that have found associations between the impact on our physical perceptions of pain and swearing.

The correlation between increased pain tolerance and the use of swearing was examined in a 2020 study by Stephensen et al. The authors report that people can hold their hand in freezing cold water longer if they're repeating a swear word. Comparatively, the repetition of a "neutral" word did not have the same effect.

There Is a Fine Line to Cursing

Cursing to discharge an emotion is different than cursing to provoke.

Cursing to express frustration is different than cursing to hurt someone.

Cursing to bond is different than cursing to exclude.

Can a Client Curse in Therapy?

Cursing is an extremely personal thing, and since the therapeutic relationship intends to be as genuine and vulnerable as possible, if the client uses profanity as a way of emotional discharge this will manifest in session as well.

Some clients will begin cursing freely, whereas others might ask for permission — “Can I curse in here?” Some might express more discomfort, saying “Excuse my French.” For some the internal censor kicks in — "Then she called me words that I cannot repeat in here.”

The therapist’s tolerance for cursing in session will depend on their own personal value system and comfort level, and their boundaries will differ. However, as therapists aim to create a non-judgmental, safe space for their clients, most therapists view the use of profanity as a sign of vulnerability and trust. The clinician, therefore, is less likely to censor their clients unless profanity is personal or is used aggressively.

Can a Therapist Curse in Session?

Using profanity in therapy depends on the therapist’s personal point of view and comfort level with cursing and it will depend on their therapeutic approach. Therapists with a psychoanalytical approach or those who draw from more conventional modalities are less likely to curse in session, whereas therapists with a more relational approach, who use themselves as a healing tool, might incorporate a healthy dose of cursing in sessions. But there are some rules...

The Five Rules of Cursing in Therapy:

1. The client takes the lead: It is important for the therapist to match the tone and language of the client. For that reason, it’s best practice to make sure that the client is the one who initiates the use of swearing.
2. Set clear boundaries: Cursing that is a personal attack, has a violent, derogatory or racist intention should not be tolerated, and in extreme cases, the therapist may even have to end the session.
3. Only use profanity if there is good therapeutic rapport: For instance, if the client in one session said: “Accepting help is a b*tch.” The therapist could recycle this phrase in an attempt to highlight patterns. However, it is important for the therapist to have a good assessment of the client and that the relationship will tolerate it.
4. Refrain from repeating name-calling: If the client calls their husband an "A-hole" in session, regardless of whether he is or not, the therapist should not refer to the husband that way.
5. Only use "their" words: Mirroring and repeating words the client uses is common practice in therapy. If the client says “I feel like a sh*tty friend,” the therapist might say “Sh*tty friend?” to help the client to elaborate and have them hear the self-deprecating way they treat themselves. However, therapists should refrain from using different swear words, even if they feel more innocent to the therapist, since words have different connotations to everyone and there is no reason to advance curse vocabulary in session.

It is important for the therapist to use their clinical intuition and prioritize authenticity to social etiquette. The lack of inhibition and censorship in sessions positively impacts the therapeutic relationship and will foster trust and vulnerability. After all, it is the therapist’s job to gently guide the client to get their inner critic to shut the f*ck up.