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Dear Dr G.,
I need your advice desperately.
I am from India. I have gone through your website and articles of yours. Your articles are very helpful.
I want an advice from you for my niece. She is 20 years old and is studying for an MBA. She stays with her parents in Bombay. Her family consists of Grand Mother, Father, Mother and younger brother. Father is a businessman and mother is a teacher. Family is not very rich and struggled a lot to grow their children. They had to borrow money from relatives to educate the children.
The problem is she has now revealed to her parents that she is in love with someone and needs to marry. The person is not in our caste, also person does not have a good family background. Person is also average and struggling to establish himself. Although he is also an MBA.
The family is against this proposal and has resisted her. My niece could not tolerate this, so she consumed Crocin tablets and was hospitalized and then recovered. The family consulted a psychologist in Bombay, who after diagnosis suggested that she is a border line personality disorder case.
Now the condition is she is staying away from her family with her aunt, but she talks daily to her boyfriend. If she doesn't talk to her boy friend, then she becomes restless and talks very weird.
Can you suggest to me, how should I handle her so that she forgets her boy friend and live a normal life?
Do you have any psycho analysis test. In my view, I want to prove that her is still immature to take important decisions and her parents will chose better partner for her
Regards,
A worried Aunt
Dear Aunt,
You are in a difficult situation indeed. First, I want to tell you that I have great admiration for your concern about your niece. Next, there is no test that can prove once and for all that anyone is too immature for a relationship. And, there is no surefire way to quickly make someone forget about a love interest.
We all know how powerful the feeling of love can be. It is in many cases a delightful feeling but can also lead one into a variety of confusing situations. I understand the competing factors that you are dealing with with your niece including social class issues, family values and emotional stability.
I think it is important to find out why your niece is so fond of this young man. Even though she may have received a personality disorder diagnosis she may have valid reasons for liking him.
I would not suggest that you not allow your niece to talk to this young man. If she is prevented from talking to him then we may see the "Romeo and Juliet" effect where she wants to see him even more.
Bear with your niece. Give her time, love, support and a good and supportive therapist who can see her through. I wish you much luck on this journey.
My best,
Dr. G.
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