
Marriage
The Paradox of Polygamy II: Why Most Women Benefit From Polygamy and Most Men Benefit From Monogamy
Would you be the third wife of Matt Damon?
Posted February 21, 2008 Reviewed by Ekua Hagan
Key points
- Polygynous society allows some women to share a resourceful man of high status.
- Given a 50-50 sex ratio, monogamous society virtually guarantees a wife for every man, even a third-rate one.
- Polygyny is sometimes viewed as bizarre and morally wrong, but can be understood as natural when looked at through an evolutionary lens.
Contrary to popular belief, most women benefit from polygynous society, and most men benefit from monogamous society. This is because polygynous society allows some women to share a resourceful man of high status.
Benefits of polygyny for women
George Bernard Shaw (who was one of the founders of the London School of Economics and Political Science where I teach) put it best when he observed, “The maternal instinct leads a woman to prefer a tenth share in a first-rate man to the exclusive possession of a third-rate one.”
Or, as the comedian Bill Maher asked his panel on his TV show Politically Incorrect on January 7, 1998, “Would you rather be the second or third wife of Mel Gibson or the only wife of Willard Scott?” to which one of the panelists, the conservative commentator and activist Susan Carpenter McMillan, responded, “If it comes to Mel Gibson, I wouldn’t care if I was one, two, or three.” Of course, this was back when Mel Gibson was highly desirable. Substitute Matt Damon for Mel Gibson. The cast of characters changes in a decade, but the principle remains the same.
Benefits of monogamy for men
In contrast, most men benefit from a monogamous society. Given a 50-50 sex ratio, monogamous society virtually guarantees a wife for every man, even a third-rate one. Under polygyny, some third-rate men may not find a wife at all, or, even if they are lucky enough to find one, their wife will not be as desirable as the one they can secure for themselves under monogamy because under polygyny more desirable women would have become the second, third, or tenth wives of more desirable men.
Highly desirable men and women are the exceptions
The exceptions to this rule are highly desirable women, who benefit from monogamous society, and highly desirable men, who benefit from polygynous society. A highly desirable woman can marry a highly desirable man under any circumstances, but under polygyny, she’d have to share her desirable husband with other women, whereas under monogamy, she can monopolize him. A highly desirable man can acquire multiple wives under polygyny but must confine himself to only one wife (albeit a highly desirable one) under monogamy.
Most of us are average in desirability
It’s the nature of the statistical (“bell curve”) distribution, however, that most people are not extreme on either side; for example, most people are not extremely tall or extremely short, but of more or less average height. Similarly, most men and women are neither extremely desirable nor extremely undesirable. So most men benefit from monogamy, and most women benefit from polygyny.
When men imagine what living in a polygynous society might be like, they imagine themselves married to several wives. What they don’t realize, however, is that more than likely, they would be left without any wife in a polygynous society. Polygynous marriage in a polygynous society is always limited to a minority of men. If 50% of men have two wives each, then the other 50% cannot have any wives. If 25% of men have four wives each, then 75% cannot have any wives. When women imagine what living in a polygynous society might be like, they imagine themselves having to share their current, no-good loser of a husband with other women. What they don’t realize is that they could be sharing Matt Damon or Bill Gates with other women.
Once we begin to look at things through the lens of evolutionary psychology and biology, they start to look quite different. Something that we previously thought was quite bizarre and morally wrong, like polygyny, begins to look quite natural and common. The perspective also gives us new insight, like how women, not men, mainly benefit in polygynous societies.