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Six Cues That Your Lover Is Selfish in Bed

Because men can finish through intercourse, they may become selfish in bed.

Lovesicklove, used with permission
Source: Lovesicklove, used with permission

Men can, and often do, finish through intercourse. Very few women can and do — without external stimulation. So, it is in some ways easier to be a man in the sexual arena. In principle, men can finish without foreplay, fellatio, or hand jobs. Most women cannot finish without foreplay, cunnilingus, or a hand job.

Yet, anecdotally, too many men are either completely confused about this fact, or they are selfish in bed. If they are confused, they just need some education. If they are selfish, there is probably not a whole lot you can do about it, except cut your losses and move on. But how do you spot a selfish lover before you end up becoming too attached? Here are some signs that your lover may be selfish in bed:

1. Your lover often asks for erotic massages, but never returns the favor. He will find an excuse for why you need to work your knuckles off: for instance, that his legs are sore from his recent workout.

2. Foreplay is virtually non-existent. He might stick a finger up your vagina to see if you are wet and ready to go without any warmup. If you are not, he will bring out the lube, so he doesn't need to do any extra work.

3. You have had sex more than a few times, and he has not yet performed cunnilingus on you, but he has encouraged you to perform fellatio on him. Worse: you have asked him to go down on you, but he always has an excuse for not doing it, or he simply says he doesn't like it.

4. After he finishes, he rolls over and goes to sleep, unconcerned about whether you finished or not. Or, worse, he sends you packing and on your way.

5. If you bring yourself to a finish during intercourse — but it happens to be one of those rare occasions where he just isn't going to bring it home — he finds the very fact that you finished and he didn't unfair. He might joke about it or even shut you out emotionally for a while, despite the fact that you did all the work yourself.

6. He prefers sexual positions where he doesn't have to do any work, most commonly you on top of him. If he is really selfish, he will pull out just before he comes and point his penis toward your face, or put it in your mouth and make you swallow.

Now, these are only cues that your man is selfish in bed, because some men are simply uneducated. Others think you don't mind having sex in these male-focused ways, because you never expressed your needs. But if you clearly express your needs, and the bad behavior continues, then you have a selfish lover on your hands. Get away from him before the two of you end up getting serious to the point where you are inclined to put up with sexual deprivation for years to come.

More from Berit Brogaard D.M.Sci., Ph.D
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