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5 Sex Myths That Keep You From Having Great Sex

What you need to know for a pleasure-filled sex life.

Key points

  • Misinformation around sex decreases sexual pleasure and increases the chances of developing a sexual dysfunction.
  • Sex is a mental as well as a physical act. We must debunk common sex myths in order to live a fulfilling sex life.
  • Myths, taboos, and societal pressures increase anxiety levels, fear, and create a poor relationship with sex and our bodies.

Everyone has heard their fair share of sexual myths. When we first start learning about sex, they seem to be everywhere. Unfortunately, those first impressions stick with us. Many of us continue to question if these myths have validity. Misinformation can ultimately get in our way of having pleasurable sex. It is time to set the record straight.

Myth 1: What you are searching for on Pornhub is what you desire in bed.

The truth: Porn is fantasy. Porn is designed for your entertainment and pleasure, it’s not a “how-to” video. It’s common for straight women to watch lesbian porn. Why is that? Heterosexual porn is designed to attract and stimulate a penis owner. Many women find themselves saying, “That looks uncomfortable, or even like it might hurt." Lesbian porn is designed to mentally stimulate vulva owners, leading many straight women to search for lesbian porn but desire a relationship with a man.

Enjoy your alone time and explore your fantasies. Don’t be shy.

Myth 2: Sex is only good if it ends in an orgasm.

The truth: An orgasm is just a bonus, not the goal. Many people feel pressured to have an orgasm to show their partner they are enjoying the sexy experience. This pressure increases anxiety and moves one’s focus away from the sensations in their body and triggers negative thoughts. Feeling pressured to have an orgasm ultimately decreases pleasure and the likelihood of having an orgasm.

The goal of sexy time is pleasure! An orgasm does not mean that the sex is good. But if you have one… enjoy. Pleasure makes for good sex.

Myth 3: All orgasms feel the same and should be an explosive experience.

The truth: There are many different types of orgasms. Just to name a few: clitoral, vaginal, anal, erogenous, combo... the list continues. Each orgasm feels a bit different. For example, a clitoral orgasm feels more like a tingling feeling on the surface of the skin, while a vaginal orgasm pulsates the pelvic floor muscles around the vagina.

Everyone has their own orgasm. Orgasms are not always in “Big O” fashion like Cosmo writes about. Remember good sex is pleasurable sex. Find your desired orgasm.

Myth 4: A woman is turned on if she is naturally lubricating.

The truth: A woman can be completely turned on, but not wet. There are many reasons women do not lubricate during sexy moments. This could be due to medical reasons, the timing of her cycle, reduced estrogen, or just because she isn’t at that moment. It is ok. If this has happened to you, it is common. If this is continually happening and causing pain during intercourse or challenges in your sex life, consult your gynecologist.

I recommend storing a lubricant in your bedside drawer. Adding lube to a sexy experience only enhances the pleasure.

Myth 5: The bigger the penis, the better the sex.

The truth: Total myth! It is not about the size of the penis; it is about how one uses it. There is a societal trend that bigger is better, but after speaking with many people individually the census leans more toward size does not matter. Bigger is not necessarily better. One size does not fit all.

What matters is how you use your penis! Whatever your penis size is, find positions that you and your partner enjoy. Don’t forget to stimulate all erogenous zones.

Sex is a mental as well as a physical act. Challenge the myths you have heard, continue educating yourself on your body, and make the sex talk a routine. Define your sex life based on what is ultimately pleasurable to you.

More from Melinda DeSeta Ph.D.
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