Parents in Recovery

Source: Rowman and Littlefield Used with Permission

This is the first post in a series.

I have been anticipating the time when I could write more about parents in recovery (PIRs) from substance use disorders (SUDs). This series of posts will draw from personal and professional experience that I integrated into my latest book, Parents in Recovery: Navigating a Sober Family Lifestyle, which offers a “field guide” for the over 7 million PIRs and the millions of family members supporting them in their journey. While there are many PIRs, there is a shortage of literature and treatment tailored to their specialized needs.

There are primarily four types of parents in recovery (PIRs): those who had children before getting sober; those who got sober after they had children; those who were sober, had a child/children, relapsed, and then got sober again; and finally, those who had children both before and after getting sober.

A common misunderstanding about those in recovery from SUDs is that they are able to exist in the world the way they did before getting sober. While being merely “abstinent” from substances and not addressing any of the other necessary components of recovery is an option, it does not result in the best long-term recovery outcomes. Instead, “full recovery” is comparable to being part of a culture. This commonality involves a pattern of behaviors and belief systems that allow for ongoing growth and a decrease in relapse potential. This amounts to a lifestyle shift, which is not the same as just abstaining from an addictive substance.

The Connecticut Community for Addiction Recovery’s (CCAR) Recovery Coach Academy has laid out a helpful Recovery Wellness Plan that identifies 11 areas or domains that include: connection to the recovery community, physical health, emotional health, spiritual health, living accommodations, job/education, personal daily living management, emotional/psychological wellness, intellectual wellness, occupational wellness (can include academic and financial), and social wellness. The comprehensive nature of this plan demonstrates how recovery impacts an individual’s entire lifestyle.

Recovery is a solution. Therefore, when addressing related topics, it is imperative to provide suggestions that originate from both experts in the field and PIRs themselves as they offer lived experience. PIRs and SUD treatment experts have suggested the following lifestyle changes within important domains.

Recovery Program

• Find a self-help program that “moves” you.
• Prioritize recovery first, and the rest will fall into place.
• Learn and take the time to implement the suggestions of the self-help program that you have chosen to commit to. That is the roadmap for recovery.
• Make a shift in one life domain, feel the impact, and allow that momentum to carry over to others.
• Remain open to the idea that recovery penetrates every domain of your life and that the transformations occur over time.

Physical and Behavioral

• Create a consistent behavioral daily and weekly schedule.
• Treat your mind and body with respect.
• Learn to communicate with healthcare providers about your addiction and mental health history.
• Change the old routines and patterns that precipitate the urge to use your substance of choice.
• Integrate recovery activities into your calendar and schedule—no matter how small.

Environmental

• Create a home environment that is an outward representation of your recovery and wellness goals.
• Eliminate or minimize having any alcohol or substances in your home.
• Establish a sense of organization.
• Make changes in your home to accommodate recovery.
• Create a home that feels comforting and secure.

Social

• Be of service in the community but also in your family system.
• Allow others into your recovery process.
• Spend time with other parents who are living a recovery lifestyle or who respect yours.
• Do your best to have your family and friends understand the importance of your recovery and self-help meetings (if they do not, then still press on).
• Make changes based on your recovery needs and not others' opinions.

Addiction Essential Reads

The Current State of the Polydrug Use Epidemic

When Free Will Fails People With Opioid Use Disorders

Spiritual

• Find some form of spirituality or connection with the universe that can be integrated into everyday life.
• Find spirituality in the small things.
• Find out what “resonates” with you in connecting with yourself because everywhere you go, there you are.
• Create time or moments in your day to connect with your spiritual source.
• Never stop growing. Ever.

The Importance of Change and Growth

The good news? These lifestyle changes do not happen all at once; they involve a gradual process and are unique for everyone. “Many PIRs report that they have sampled and explored different behavioral schedules, spiritual practices, recovery resources, self-help meetings, sober supports, vocational/academic pursuits, and clinical services. The common theme is that PIRs with long-term sobriety are open to ongoing growth. "We are either evolving or stagnant," Violet, age 38, sober for 18 years with three children, affirms. When they stumble, they are also willing to recommit to whatever area needs more attention.

There are many different populations of individuals with SUDs, each in need of unique treatment suggestions. PIRs are no different and may need even more support than other groups. It is time to increase awareness of and start a dialogue around the needs of PIRs, for their sake as well as the sake of their children and their loved ones.