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The Edges of COVID-19
We all experience the sharp edges of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
Posted May 13, 2020
These posts are about performers and performance of various kinds, typically focusing on those among us who are out there, whether on stage or field. But in the present instance, we’re all (baffled) performers, often not out there while attempting to “perform” in a life turned upside down and with uncertainty about the future.
I won’t be giving much advice: You’ve probably received a lifetime’s worth. If you need anything further, I commend a YouTube offering called What We Should ALL Be Doing Right Now! that initially was posted on April 20, 2020.
What I do want to focus on are a number of the social and emotional issues, framed as “edges,” that have become especially vivid over the past number of weeks that already feel like years.
The Edge of Time (although not the same as a post of mine with that title). Have you noticed that your awareness of time has…changed? Time may seem endless. Or it may drag on. Sometimes it may seem to [lower case z] zoom by. Or all of the above. With the disruptions of our routines, confinement to our homes, new patterns and responsibilities (or the lack thereof), there are few predictable anchors to our days.
The Edge of Danger. Disruptions and uncertainties mean that we are hard-wired to be on high alert to whatever danger may lurk, whether coronavirus-related or just a slight variation of what we expect. High alert means the flow of a lot of adrenaline, which taxes both body and mind. It’s exhausting—and a perfect set-up for anxiety, panic, rumination, and despair.
Which of course brings us to The Edge of Emotion. Initially, our thoughts and reactions may have been pure panic—or pure denial—or, of course, both. Emotions are that way; they change, sometimes from moment to moment, sometimes triggered by specific events. If you stand still and watch—whether yourself or someone else—it’s pretty amazing how fast emotions can change, shift, transform—and feel out of control.
One emotion, in particular, can come seemingly out of nowhere, feel disproportionate to the occasion, and even startling: The Edge of Anger. Anger is a strange emotion; it may be purely what it is. More often, especially at times of heightened stress, it can be a secondary emotion, the primary one being fear or perhaps sadness.
Here’s an example: Due to the pandemic, a sports director canceled an upcoming participant event. The director notified participants, describing various ways in which participants could recoup their loss by having their fee applied to subsequent events. The vast majority of potential participants were understanding, if a bit grumpy and disappointed about this loss.
One, though, became irate. He posted on social media; he phoned the director, swearing and threatening—the whole nine yards. Discussing with the director what had happened, I suggested that these acts of aggression, which looked like behavioral manifestations of feeling angry, stemmed from the person’s more basic feelings of helplessness in the face of all that was falling apart in their lives. Sometimes, to paraphrase Freud, anger is just about anger; sometimes it’s about other emotions.
Which, in turn, now brings us to The Edge of Chaos and Loss of Control. We feel uprooted. “Things fall apart; the center cannot hold,” wrote Irish poet W. B. Yeats. Our rational self functions most easily when it experiences some sense of order and control. When we expect things to go one way, yet now those expectations are frequently challenged, thwarted, or disregarded; when we feel out of control of the present and routinely unsure about our future; this chaos adds to the stew of disequilibrium.
Well, I could pile on even more edges (as Leonard Cohen wrote, “if you want it darker"), but if you’re at all like me, sometimes you also deal with the TMI Edge, aka COVID-fatigue. Sometimes we just need breathing space, time away from the nonstop thrum of information, personal stories, protocols…and mis- and disinformation.
Of course, being me, I can’t leave us with just these stress-filled edges. So here are a few of my basic, more constructive, Edge comments and suggestions:
The Creativity Edge. What have you seen, experienced, or done that engages your creative self during these strange times? A colleague’s son, an adolescent with strong and well-deserved music ambitions, brought together some equally talented musician friends to create a YouTube rendition of a complex classical composition. My own son and family created a tableau “reproduction” of a famous painting, one that involved a live goat as well as the family’s dog.
The Reflection Edge. Everything can feel so Now. Can you take time to pause, to reflect, to journal? What am I learning about myself, my relationships, my deepest values?
The Exercise Edge: The relationship between mind and body is where I started this journey into sport and performance psychology. With regard to exercise, this time has been tremendously challenging for so many athletes, at all levels of skill and competitive development. While the unknowns of the future are still ever-present, this has also been a time for ingenuity, creativity, and re-evaluation of the meaning and value of physical activity in our lives. And there are ever more “converts” to the ways in which moving our bodies does wonders for our mood.
The Breathing Edge. Another of my standard “spiels”: Deep breathing is the most fundamental way in which we can take care of ourselves at any time in any place, literally or figuratively.
The Connection Edge, Balanced. As human beings, we are fundamentally designed to connect with others. Some of us, along about now, are feeling a bit too connected of course, in proximity to 24/7 family or what seems like 24/7 Zoom meetings. We need a break. Some of the constructive edges described above might be helpful. At the other end of the spectrum, some of us experience acutely the current isolation and disconnection. I might suggest that this is an opportunity for both reflection and action. Who do you want to connect with? In what way can you make this work under these circumstances?
