One of those very first steps of courtship, dating, and mating is getting noticed by a potential lover. Sometimes, however, those first steps are the most difficult. How do you get that hot guy at the bar to come over and say hello? How do you get the cute gal at the coffee shop to smile and chat? Many people struggle with those questions - and miss potential romance as a result.
Fortunately, there are "persuasive" solutions! As usual, I explored the research and found a few tips for you all...
How to Get Them to Notice You!
For those who would like to catch a man... It appears getting male attention is fairly straightforward. According to research by Gueguen (2008), a simple smile will greatly increase the likelihood that "Mr. Right" will come over and say hello to you.
Gueguen (2008) asked a female assistant, rated as being of "average" attractiveness by male raters, to go to a local bar. She was then instructed to 1) either make eye contact and smile for two seconds at a man seated alone or 2) make eye contact only, without smiling, at a man seated alone.
Significantly more men approached when the woman smiled (22 percent vs. 4 percent). According to Gueguen (2008), this is due to the fact that men are looking for a woman to show interest in them as a clear signal to approach. The women who make eye contact and smile give such a clear signal. So, if you want a man to notice you and approach, make eye contact and smile!
For those who would like to woo a woman... It seems that the ladies are a bit more complicated. Fortunately, they are not impossible! Research by Renninger, Wade, and Grammer (2004) sheds some light on what attracts the attention of women.
These researchers also went to the bar. They observed the body language and behavior of men who made successful contact with women versus those who did not.
Although it was a bit more than just a smile, the men who attracted the attention of women did show some similar behaviors. First, like the women, these men also made more eye contact. In addition, though, they also showed more powerful and dominant body language. They took up space, moved around, and touched other men in playful and leading (non-sexual) ways. Essentially, the guys who looked at the women, joked around with other men, and were comfortable in their own space, got the women's attention.
What This Means for You...
If you want to get a guy, then you need to give him a clear invitation. I know he seems big, burly, and scary. But, he is actually looking to you for a "green light" to come over and say hello. Some eye contact and a smile will do that. So, if you want him to approach, lock eyes and give him a grin.
If you want to get a gal, then you need to be a bit more secure and social. Women generally like lovers who are confident. That means they notice someone who makes eye contact, walks around, takes up space, and is playful and physical. So, if you want her to notice you, brush up on your body language. Practice eye contact, relax your posture, and have fun with friends. Then, you will see a lot more women looking (and smiling) back!
The first steps to love can get better with practice. Knowing when to give the right glance, smile, or swagger helps too. Try out the tips above. You may just get the attention of that person you are looking for.
Until next time...happy dating and relating!
Go to Attraction Doctor for more dating and relationship advice (in helpful categories).
Previous articles from The Attraction Doctor:
- Can Men and Women Be "Just Friends?"
- How Can I Find a Good Man or Woman?
- Avoiding the Friend Zone: Becoming a Girlfriend or Boyfriend
© 2013 by Jeremy S. Nicholson, M.A., M.S.W., Ph.D. All rights reserved.
Gueguen, N. (2008). The effect of a woman's smile on men's courtship behavior. Social Behavior and Personality, 36, 1233-1236.
Renninger, L. A., Wade, T.J., & Grammer, K. (2004). Getting that female glance: Patterns and consequences of male nonverbal behavior in courtship contexts. Evolution and Human Behavior, 25, 416-431.