5 Ways to Build Bridges With Work Rivals

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Workplace rivalry can be both beneficial and detrimental. While a healthy dose of competition can propel innovation and performance, excessive rivalry harms collaboration. When colleagues see each other as rivals, they withhold information, fail to align, and pursue personal agendas.

Rivalry is a self-defense mechanism. In primitive times, it was crucial for survival to quickly distinguish between foes and friends. However, most threats in the modern world are perceived, not real.

In a Psychology Today post, psychiatrist Paul Dobransky examines how love-and-hate relationships stem from both intellectual and emotional reasons.

Intellectually, we are drawn to colleagues who are “like us.” For instance, our work friends often share our values, opinions, experiences, or backgrounds. Emotionally, we like those who make us feel good or help us succeed. The principle of reciprocal altruism is crucial in building trustful alliances at work.

It’s as simple as “Scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours.”

However, rivalry dynamics are not so clear. Just because our adversaries dislike us does not mean they will harm us. Enemies can still behave maturely and respectfully.

Distinguishing between “benign” and “lethal” rivals will make it easier to build bridges with those who may not like you but don’t necessarily intend to harm you.

5 Strategies for Building Bridges at Work

1. Avoid becoming your rival’s rival.

It’s easy to fall into that trap. Just because someone treats you as a rival doesn’t mean you must reciprocate their behavior. Actually, by doing so, you will only make things worse.

It takes two to tango—and the same applies to rivalry.

Often, people treat others as rivals simply because they don’t know them or assume negative intent. A good starting point is to have an open conversation.

Consider a colleague who’s been considered for the same promotion as you. They might view you as a threat, not because of who you are but because of the competition. You can either disregard this and let silence escalate the tension or initiate a candid conversation. Begin by acknowledging the awkward circumstances, expressing your feelings, and asking them to share theirs, too.

Research shows that openness and vulnerability can foster deeper connections and trust among teammates.

2. Treat your rivals as human beings.

Not all work rivals are born equal: There are eight “enemies of innovation,” as I explain in my book Stretch for Change. You need to understand their motivations to empathize with them.

Some people want to feel in control; others simply don’t want to be threatened by new colleagues. They are colleagues who mostly care about their reputation, while others wish for their past achievements to be acknowledged.

Consider your current "rivals": Are they intentionally attacking you or protecting their turf? Are their actions intended to slow you down, harm you, or just frustrate you?

Instead of passing judgment, treat your rivals as human beings. Connect with their fundamental human nature. Use this exercise to better understand your adversaries—and build bridges.

3. Find a common enemy.

Nothing brings a team together like identifying a shared threat. Feeling under attack makes us join forces, forgetting our differences.

The common enemy effect brings adversaries together, increasing collaboration and the desire to win. It could be someone (or something) internal or external—a rival organization, another team, or a macro trend that threatens the business.

Teams can join forces against inefficient or outdated internal processes. By identifying these burdensome rules as a common enemy, teams can collaborate to streamline them, introduce recommendations, or even support each other in dealing with unnecessary bureaucracy.

Workplace Dynamics Essential Reads

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Finding a common cause or crisis creates a uniting effect. If one of your projects is under fire, invite your rivals to brainstorm solutions together.

4. Start a reciprocity cycle.

Take the first step. Initiating a cycle of reciprocity can help bridge differences. Offer help to your "rivals" without expecting anything in return—not even a thank you.

Giving something with no strings attached signals goodwill. It’s about investing in someone else’s success.

Offer something that’s valuable to the other person. This will encourage a positive reaction. Reciprocity is deeply engrained in our human nature. People usually respond with equal or greater kindness. That’s how bridges are built.

Authenticity and positive intent are crucial in reciprocity—demonstrate alliance, not manipulation.

5. Find common ground.

Rivalries often stem from placing too much emphasis on differences among colleagues. While recognizing individualities is important, so is finding common ground. Whether it’s personal interests, values, or communication preferences, teams should strike to balance individual and collective practices.

The Personal Washing Instructions Canvas helps individuals reflect on how they want to be treated. This exercise fosters empathy and personal connection. We all have distinct preferences, with some being night owls and others early risers. Some people favor real-time collaboration, while others prefer async-first.

Next, work on the Team Washing Instructions. Reconcile individual preferences with the needs of the whole team. By aligning on how everyone should communicate, collaborate, and support each other, the team can find common ground, overcoming differences that drive unnecessary rivalry.

Are You Building Bridges or Burning Them?

Sometimes, we unintentionally become our own worst enemy at work. It's crucial to consider if our actions inadvertently create adversaries. Are you modeling trust and vulnerability or rivalry and control? Are you seeking mutual understanding or burning bridges?

Reflect on your part in workplace rivalry and what steps you can take to rebuild severed bridges.