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12 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Passionate

Part 2: Bringing delight and pleasure to each other.

In most cases, giving our relationship an infusion of the juice that it needs is not only pretty simple, but it’s fun as well. Here are some suggestions to revitalize a partnership and keep it healthy.

  1. Date each other again. Dates aren’t simply a way of vetting potential partners, nor are they exclusively for young unmarrieds. Giving each other the kind of attention that you shared in the early days of your relationship can provide a huge boost, even for those that are on the edge of burnout. Keep in mind that dating has less to do with what you do or where you go than it does with how you are together. It’s about giving your full, undivided attention to each other. Periodically it’s a good idea to have extended dates that can last an evening, a whole day, or even longer.
  2. Go on another honeymoon. Honeymoons (without the kids, of course) aren’t just for the newly married. Taking one a year isn’t too often. Lots of people make a tradition of this practice. Our friends Ken and Maddy have taken this idea one step further and have instituted a policy of getting re-married in a different location and with a ceremonialist from a different tradition every year.
  3. Unplug! Designate what we refer to as “sacred time” and create a tech-free zone that will assure you that there will be no interruptions.
  4. Bathe together. Soaking in a bathtub is a delightful way of spending an evening together that doesn’t cost anything. Going into the tub with each other by candlelight, followed by more candlelight in the bedroom, is sure to enhance the spirit of romance.
  5. Be in service to each other. Provide loving touch by grooming, washing and/or shaving each other.
  6. Feed each other. Share a meal together by feeding each other every bite. Slowly. Grapes and other juicy fruits are especially tasty when consumed in this way. We know couples that have done this in restaurants, often to the surprise, and sometimes envy, of other diners.
  7. Practice extended eye contact. Spend time being connected through your eyes only, without the need to exchange words. While this may seem a bit awkward at first, after a while, you’ll almost certainly begin to settle in and experience delightful feelings. Afterwards, share what you experienced with each other.
  8. Do some private dancing. After dinner you can listen to music together, and might even want to dance. An advantage of dancing in your own home is that you can take your clothes off. You’ll know for sure that you are not roommates or business partners when you’re dancing in the nude!
  9. Exchange massages. Massaging is another great way to keep the romance alive. You don’t need a massage table or fancy scented oils—and you don’t have to be a professionally trained masseuse or masseur to bring a loving touch.
  10. Read love poems to each other. If you have a taste for the exotic, consider poetry from Rumi, Hafiz, or Kabir.
  11. Write and hide love notes for your partner to find. Notes stuck in books, under plates and pillows, and in the underwear drawer are sure to draw smiles of appreciation.
  12. Speak the language of love to each other. Sincerity, appreciation, tenderness, with lots of detail, will take you a long way here. Connect to your feelings of love for your partner and let your heart do the talking, and do it often!

Make these interchanges the main course of your relationship. Sex can be a delicious dessert (and it’s non-fattening!). Prioritizing the intimate aspects of your relationship can work wonders when things have started to go flat. But don’t wait for that to happen. Instituting these practices into your relationship and practicing them regularly will ensure that times of boredom will be rare if they occur at all. Bringing delight and pleasure to each other is the ultimate win-win game. It’s a great example of enlightened self-interest. But don’t take our word for it—try it and see for yourself.

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