Love Making Can Be Transformative
Lovemaking includes sex but is not limited to it.
Posted Apr 24, 2019
Sex can be a potent means of not only deepening and enhancing connection in a relationship, but also strengthening the capacity to become a more loving person. Inherent in the sex act is the possibility of becoming more sensitive, caring, and loving.
Lovemaking includes sex but is not limited to it. Intimacy, sex, and lovemaking are three distinct experiences that may or may not occur simultaneously. Sex refers to the physical act of two people having physical genital contact, the primary intention being to produce stimulation and arousal. Lovemaking is driven by the intention to exchange affection and love through physical and emotional connection.
Lovemaking can be a transformative experience. To transform is to experience a radical shift in our experience in which we become more fully present and authentically ourselves.
Each time we make love, we are transforming. What that means is that we are becoming increasingly more authentic and whole. We are in a dance of giving and receiving where the ego is temporarily suspended. Making love becomes a physical manifestation of appreciation, caring, and love for our partner. It’s a way of expressing outwardly what we experience inwardly.
Sometimes we make love. Sometimes we have sex. There is no right or wrong about either one. Making love takes more time and is motivated by a different intention. It brings about a different outcome. There is nothing wrong with having sex, but to the degree that we can consciously evoke the intention to bring love into our sexuality, we will more fully realize the highest potential available through this act.
Because sex is an act of connection, it requires communication in order to exchange information in a process that requires an ongoing exchange of feedback. The word communicate derives from the Latin “communicare,” which means, “to join, unite or make common.” The communication that needs to occur takes place not only during the sex act itself but before and after it as well. And the form that the communication involves isn’t just verbal but can include touch, eye contact, and body language.
Creating an ongoing exchange of feedback enables us to express our desires in a way that allows for greater understanding of the moment-to-moment experiences arising between us. This permits both of us to adjust our responses in a way that may be more pleasing to each other. It also adds another dimension to the experience that enhances and enriches it.
It can be helpful to communicate about our personal preferences and desires during non-sexual times since we may feel more relaxed at times when we’re feeling less exposed (literally) and less vulnerable. While these conversations can sometimes feel awkward at first, like most other things, after we’ve had more experiences in these conversations, we feel much more at ease and comfortable in having them.