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Key points
- Salespeople need to trust themselves before building trust with others.
- Trust can be assessed by sincerity, reliability, competence, and care.
- You can improve your willingness and ability to trust yourself.
When my daughter Sophie was six years old, she confessed to me that she trusted me the second most in the whole world. I was both flattered and, I admit, a little confused. Who did she trust more than me? Her dad? Her grandma? Her twin brother Jake?
And when I asked her, “Who do you trust the most?” she looked at me as if that were a ridiculous question. “Myself, of course!” she declared.
I was impressed. Why? Partially because of her preternatural self-awareness, and partially because many of the adults I know wouldn’t be able to say that they trusted themselves the most in the whole world.
It makes sense. After a lifetime of living with ourselves, we’ve experienced plenty of challenges and setbacks that can make us question our own motives, instincts, behaviors, and decisions. That all can lead to a lack of trust in ourselves.
Maybe you’re unsure or unaware of your own biases when you give a high-visibility assignment to one employee over another. Perhaps you’re not convinced that you will stick to your new exercise routine because the past is prologue. And maybe you tell yourself that you’re going to speak up this time your mother-in-law critiques your parenting style – even though you know you’re going to swallow it and say nothing.
In each of these cases, trust is fleeting, which can lead to difficult relationships and diminishing self-confidence.
While being able to extend trust externally and internally is important for everyone, this tension shows up in much of my work with sales leaders and teams. To sell a product or service – or even an idea—salespeople need to create a climate of trust with prospects and clients. In his book, The Thin Book of Trust: An Essential Primer for Building Trust at Work, author Charles Feltman highlights four areas of trust that we are constantly assessing to decide whether we trust someone: sincerity, reliability, competence, and care. Together they define what we consider to be a person’s trustworthiness.
And together, they also define how well we trust ourselves first.
Here’s how to assess how well you trust yourself.
Sincerity is the assessment that you are honest, that you say what you mean and mean what you say; you can be believed and taken seriously. It also means when you express an opinion it is valid and is backed up by sound thinking and evidence. Finally, it means that your actions will be aligned with your words.
Ask yourself:
- How frequently do I say what I mean as opposed to avoiding important conversations?
- How much rigor do I have in examining the facts behind my beliefs and opinions?
- How aligned is what I say with what I do?
Second, reliability is the assessment that you meet the commitments you make, and that you keep your promises.
Ask yourself:
- How often do I check that I can do what I’m committing to before I say yes?
- How consistently do I respect and honor the promises I’ve made to myself (especially those that nobody else knows about)?
- How well do I maintain consistent daily routines or habits that support my well-being (e.g., regular sleep schedule, movement, socializing with friends)?
- How well do I manage feelings of guilt when I choose to say no?
- How well do I take responsibility when I make a mistake? How well do I learn from the experience rather than making excuses?
Next, competence is the assessment that you have the ability to do what you are doing or propose to do.
Ask yourself:
- How accurate is my self-assessment of my own skills?
- How willing am I to admit I don’t know something?
- How willing am I to ask for help?
- How often do I adopt a growth mindset (“I can’t do this yet but I can learn”) rather than a fixed mindset (“I either know it or I don’t”)?
Finally, care is the assessment that when you make decisions and take action, you have the other person’s needs, values, and interests in mind as well.
In the case of demonstrating care towards yourself, it’s about considering your own needs, values, and interests.
Ask yourself:
- How honest am I with myself about what I’m feeling?
- How honest am I with myself about what I want and don’t want?
- How seriously do I take my wants, needs, values, and interests?
- How compassionate and generous am I with myself?
Before you can sell anyone else on you, you must start by selling yourself on you. To do that, reflect on how you can increase your own sincerity, reliability, competence, and care towards the person you should trust the most in the world: you.
