52 Reasons Why So Many Couples Have Breakup Sex

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What motivates people to have breakup sex? A new study forthcoming in the journal Evolutionary Psychology has an answer. A team of psychologists from Bucknell University and Tulane University found “sex is fun,” “missing sex,” and a “desire to get back together” to be the top three reasons why people engage in breakup sex. For anyone wondering, drunkenness was the eighth most common reason.

To come to this conclusion, the researchers asked 92 U.S. heterosexual adults, ages 18-34, to list all of the reasons why they, or someone they know, engaged in breakup sex in the past. Fifty-two reasons were identified in total. They are listed below and ranked from most common to least common.

52 reasons why people have breakup sex

1. Sex is fun
2. Miss sex
3. Want to get back together
4. You miss them/miss each other
5. Lonely
6. Still have feelings
7. Knows what the other likes
8. Drunk
9. Still in love
10. Closure
11. You’re comfortable with the ex
12. Sexual tension
13. Show them what they are going to be missing
14. Can’t move on
15. Final goodbye
16. Passion
17. Bored
18. To feel better/sadness/fill emotional void
19. Try to get over the person
20. Don’t want to add to body count
21. Hatred/anger
22. It is easy
23. Have sex for the last time
24. Broke up for reasons other than feelings
25. See if there are still feelings
26. Because you can
27. Stress
28. Regret the breakup
29. View them sexually/physical relationship now
30. Longing
31. Needy/satisfy needs
32. Get back on the market
33. Exciting/thrilling
34. To take back power in situation
35. Curiosity
36. To tell people that you did
37. Didn’t mutually end relationship
38. Needs attention
39. Other people do it
40. No STD risk
41. Confidence
42. Think they are your best option
43. Opportunity came up
44. Feel connection again
45. Feel love
46. Desperate
47. Forget about breaking up
48. Afraid to seek out new relationship
49. Confusion about breakup
50. Better than before
51. They act like they miss you
52. No idea

The researchers grouped these reasons into three broad categories: relationship maintenance, hedonistic, and ambivalent feelings. Relationship maintenance, according to the researchers, has to do with the emotional aspect of having breakup sex and the need for ex-partners, hedonistic motivations pertain to the physical nature of having breakup sex, and ambivalent feelings represent conflicting feelings and contradictory views of engaging in breakup sex.

The team of scientists also reported significant gender differences. Although hedonism was the most common motivation for both men and women, it was even more common among men. “This is consistent with previous research,” write the researchers, “suggesting that, cross-culturally, men tend to place a higher priority on hedonistic-type values relative to women.”

They also found men to be more motivated by ambivalent feelings (e.g., “other people do it,” “to tell people I did it,” “to get back on the dating market,” etc.) than women.

Next, the team of scientists examined whether engaging in breakup sex made people feel better about their ex-partner and their ex-relationship. Again, the results depended on one’s gender. Generally speaking, men reported feeling happier after engaging in breakup sex than women, perhaps due to their hedonistic motivations. However, when the scientists asked a similar question in a slightly different way, the results reversed. It was women who viewed the relationship more favorably after engaging in breakup sex than men, perhaps because breakup sex encouraged relationship maintenance or offered closure.

The researchers attempted to explain their results through the lens of evolutionary theory. They state, “Although men and women rate enjoying sex equally, sexual strategies theory and parental investment perspectives suggest that engaging in breakup sex for purely hedonistic reasons may be more costly for women than men.” From this perspective, it is not surprising that men were more likely to engage in breakup sex for hedonistic reasons.

However, evolutionary theory could not explain other patterns in the data. For instance, women were no more likely than men to engage in breakup sex for relationship maintenance reasons — something that might be expected from an evolutionary perspective given a woman’s desire to encourage male investment in a relationship. Future research, it seems, will have to look for other explanations to help square the data with the theory.

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