Are Fat Women Sexual Targets? Exposing the Practice of "Hogging"

Noticed a typo -twice! It should be *predators, not predictors.
Damn good article, and this should be talked about more!

I have heard of this and have no respect for people who practice it.

I have a question. And I not try to be judgmental in asking this. Why would a Patti not try to lose weight? Why would she continue to be unhappy with her body to this extent? It just seems like she can accept things or change things. Of course people are built differently, but being 100 lbs overweight is substantial. However it is very doable to lose a percentage of 100 lbs. If she decided that she can accept, or somewhat accept, herself at that weight then ok, but she doesn't. Is it that she doesn’t have hope or doesn’t want to invest the time? I am just honestly asking why a person does not increase their self-perception by changing something that is very changeable. Interested in your thoughts.

It is not only fat women these predators prey on.
I was abused in a similar way by someone who said he seeks lonely women on the internet.
Sad world really that humans treat each other this way.

I'm somewhat surprised the term "fat" was used so often. It seems very strong and cruel. If I were overweight that word would scare me more than anything, and would only decrease my self image more.

I agree that the term "fat" is used way too often. The whole purpose to the article is thrown off by such a strong and negative word.

That when it comes to the weight,

You can still lose the weight and be unhappy if you want. The upside, at least your weight won't be one of the potential causes in the first place. I know this is true, I'm an example. losing Health Insurance helped as well but still. The larger point still applies.

Because the truth is, there is something else that is usually causing the weight gain in the first place. That/those issues will remain even after the weight is gone.

Being sick and tired of feeling sick and tired of ones weight helps too.

"Lots of men find fat women sexy....]" ??? Citation please.

Most fat women I've ever known have more sex than any other man or woman. Maybe it's all tied to the mechanics of self control, self discipline, and being able to say "no" to temptations. If they can't have the self control and discipline to eat right, work out, exercise, etc, then why would they have the self control to say no? It's all the same brain mechanism.

Great article, thank you for sharing it! BTW, I've experienced the same thing as a woman who wears glasses, and know numerous others who report the same thing. The assumptions are the same as for overweight women. I've had several experiences in which such trolls (men assuming I get rejected so often I'd be flattered by their offer) have been offended and "hurt" when I have turned out to not be desperate AND not be a nerd. How dare I not conform to their tropes!!!! Awww, poor babies.

Why is male sexuality demonized by so many people these days?
Men have a stronger sex drive, a proactive one, so offcourse they are going to pursue women for sex AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.
The REAL problem is when a man lie’s to and manipulates women in order to have sex with them, the problem is a conflict of desires (unless the women wants wants sex like the man does)
This is much the same problem as women using their sexuality to manipulate men for their money and attention without providing sex.

Yes, believe it. There are men that find fat women sexy! And there is no shame in using the word fat! But both the statment and the word obviously trigger a deep emotional response in some folks - which is personal rather than either being socially or otherwise unacceptable. Thank you Pamela for bringing these topics out in the open and starting this conversation. The conversation provokes a new consideration and way of thinking that begins the a process of disipating shame. Brave and bold, you have support!!

Yes, believe it. There are men that find fat women sexy! And there is no shame in using the word fat! But both the statment and the word obviously trigger a deep emotional response in some folks - which is personal rather than either being socially or otherwise unacceptable. Thank you Pamela for bringing these topics out in the open and starting this conversation. The conversation provokes a new consideration and way of thinking that begins the a process of disipating shame. Brave and bold, you have support!!

So not only is the skinny model the only socially acceptable form but anyone who actually fancies a woman who is "large" is a sexual predator and a pervert.

What is the world coming to.

I find lots of people sexually attractive, some based only on looks, some based on their personality, some just because they are.

Skinny women are disgusting, they are like sticks.

Why are we trying to pigeon hole everyone, why can't some women be big and sexy assertive people who love playing with their bits and have mirrors specifically for the purpose of enjoying looking at themselves, why can't some men/women find big women sexy? Why does the stereotype have to be re-enforced.

Sure if you let anybody do anything with you because you are a doormat then there is something wrong, but weight is not the reason you are a door mat.

Pam, thanks for shining a light on this subject. The comments you have collected are remarkably revealing.

I wonder what would have happened if you had used the title Are Pleasingly Plump Women Sexual Targets. Would anyone have taken you seriuosly?

What I like about your writing is that you don't pull your punches, and you don't mince around with the truth. Fat is just a word, it is our own thinking that makes it negative or not. Calling out men who practice hogging is not a blanket trashing of all men, as some here are suggesting. Yes, men have a sex drive, so do women by the way, but having one does not give us license to degrade one another.

Thank you for helping your clients love and accept themselves from the inside out, and for exposing the bad actors among us. Each of us could benefit from looking more deeply into our own behaviors, motivations, and thinking. Perhaps we can move beyond our focus on the surface of things, bodies included, and stand in our own truth more fully.

I always enjoy reading your articles, Ms. Madsen. I usually forward them to my wife, just to make sure she reads them. She's overweight and has been so since I met her. In answer to some of the comments here, no neither of us were desperate. Your story about your patient who was ashamed of her body really struck a chord with me, because my wife has the same insecurities. What's your experience with women overcoming these body image issues? It hurts me that after so many years, my wife is still so ashamed of her body she can't get turned on during sex if she thinks I am looking at her. To me, it suggests she doesn't trust me. Or is there some other issue besides trust at work here?

I worry about people accepting being fat because it is such a health issue. Looks and attractiveness aside, being fat puts you at higher risk of heart attack, diabetes and many other medical problems. No I am not a thin person complaining about 'fatties' I am fat myself and I struggle with my weight. I am currently 117kg but have been up as high as 137kg! People who are obese (yes that is the correct term for us) have to be honest with themselves and say that we give in to temptation more than we should. Most have poor self images and use food as a crutch. I am fat for two reasons; I do not exercise enough and I often eat too much of the things that are bad for me. I am 51 years old and a prime candidate for a heart attack. I have finally woken up to myself and I am getting my weight down. To anyone who is obese (especially the younger people) I say, get the weight off now before you get to my age. You can do it if you want to. I have a long way to go but I am finally getting somewhere. Don't wait, it is much harder to get the weight down when you get older. As for 'hogging'; some men will always behave badly but there are still some of us who value love and intimacy over sexual conquests.

As for the discussion about statistics and data, I have just found this information in Daily Mail which summarizes the results of the poll in the USA: “Step away from that cookie if you want to keep your boyfriend, ladies.
A new survey has found that nearly half of men would dump a woman who gained too much weight.
The poll, of 70,000 people across the U.S. showed that 48 per cent of men would not want to be with their partner if she became fat. “ Daily Mail 26th July 2011
Note: This definitely does not mean that I have the same attitude. On the contrary, I would not leave my girlfriend if she gained weight, neither would I leave her if she had other health problems. I just tried to google something about the data because the discussion in previous parts of this section of comments grabbed my attention. I am not entitled to speak on behalf of men living the US because I do not live there, but based on my personal experience from my country, I guess that while there are some (maybe a lot of? It depends on how we interprete these ecpressions) men who do not care about the body size and probably some / a lot of men who really prefer overweight or obese women, I would say that there are much more men who prefer women with healthy BMI in the range of norm than men who prefer women with BMI in the range of obesity. Just my personal guess. It may be sad but if it is true, there is no point in leading ourselves into self-deception and merciful lies.