Celebrating With Sexual Mindfulness

Etta James soulfully sang:

At last,
My love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song

Are you tempted to imagine that love will be like “a song” and that if you had someone special, your “lonely days” would be over? Or do you get frustrated if your partner isn’t romantic or as thoughtful as you’d like? Relationships can put a lot of pressure on couples, but the reality is there are challenges in any relationship and individuals are responsible for their own happiness.

Because of things we see in media or hear from others, we often have expectations of what our love life should look like, and if it isn’t living up to those expectations, we feel let down.

What if, instead, you did what feels good to you? Want to go out to dinner with the one you love? Make a reservation and let him or her know you’re excited about the plan. Would you rather stay home and snuggle up together to watch a movie? That’s fine too. Feel like making the kids a fun treat because you enjoy it? That’s amazing—have fun doing it. Wish you were celebrating, but your partner is not available for some reason? Celebrate you. Take yourself to dinner or find some time for some self-care. Or reach out and share an evening with favorite friends. The point is, do what feels right to you. When you’re more authentic and true to who you are, you’re likely to find more connection and intimacy in your relationships,[i] not to mention just feeling happier overall.[ii]

The key to being happy is knowing you have the power to choose what to accept and what to let go. ~Dodinsky

Part of this is taking responsibility for your own happiness. If you rely on your spouse to meet unspoken expectations, you might find yourself let down. Instead, be open with your spouse and discuss your hopes for the day and then do your part to make it a great day.

Seeing the one you love with new eyes

No matter how you decide to celebrate special moments or regular days, it can be an opportunity to get us out of our daily routine and to open our eyes to what we have.

The Beatles sang about seeing someone with new eyes:

Something in the way she moves
Attracts me like no other lover
Something in the way she woos me

I don’t wanna leave her now
You know I believe and how

When you disrupt the routines of your life, by celebrating something or doing something out of the ordinary, you are more mindful and more sexually mindful and can see your spouse with new eyes. And when you can see your spouse with new eyes, you notice how they move, little things they do to woo you, or other small details you miss in the routine of life. It helps you to see your spouse anew if you see them in a different setting like taking a new hike together, playing a new board game with other couples, or reading a book out loud to each other.

You can see yourself more clearly as well—acknowledge your reality, what feels good to you. You can expose a little of your deeper thoughts, sincere gratitude, or fragile insecurity. When you occasionally break out of the norm and expose vulnerable emotions, you stir the passions that once attracted you to your partner. As you share more of yourself, you create a deeper intimacy in your relationship.

Make today a day to create intimacy. But remember: Real intimacy in relationships is not just about sex. It’s about being able to share your true self—weaknesses, strengths, joys, and sorrows—with your partner. Emotionally undressing is a prelude to physically undressing. When you take a risk and share something new about yourself you invited your spouse to do the same. That is something to celebrate any day it happens.