A loving relationship can be an oasis in uncertain times, but nurturing it requires attention, honesty, openness, vulnerability, and gratitude.
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Question and commentary on connections, both sexual and social
Isadora Alman MFT, CST
When there is an obvious age difference within a couple, certain assumptions usually spring to mind.
Receiving flowers for any occasion is usually delightful. Think how even more delightful it is when there is no particular reason.
What does it mean when a partner refuses sex? Talk about it to be sure you're not blowing it out of proportion or misunderstanding entirely.
Hot sex or maintenance sex and any kind of sex in between — Are you and your partner having the same kind?
Magazine articles abound about wooing women, but there are very few about wooing your men. Yet men need the same declarations of being admired and desired.
Even a cat, especially a well loved one, deserves a public obituary,
Those in power have always seen those below them as theirs for the taking. Perhaps the times finally are changing.
Are all your major exes still in your life, and would you like them to be?
Surgery is scary, no way around it. When it can no longer can be avoided one can employ self talk, write about it, or both.
There are still only so many hours in a day, but there are ways to spend more time with the one you love without shortchanging yourself or anyone else.
When a couple has differences in the way each has always done things, it can be a topic of interesting discussion or a source of frequent conflict.
Even long-term partners can exchange some new information about sex together. Are you up for the risk?
Intimacy and sex are not the same thing. It's helpful to know the difference and how to achieve either or both.
Has your partner told you how he likes to be touched? Do you know? Are you sure?
What do couples fight about and are these disagreements inevitable?
Nothing is sadder than to live a life you later wish you had done differently. You can take steps to prevent that now.
Intimacy and sex are great when they are part of the same event. They aren't always. Be aware that intimacy needs to be cultivated even when sex takes care of itself.
What do you do when you're angry? What does your partner do? And how does it affect your sex life?
When you talk to yourself do you say "You can do it, kiddo" or "You better not fail again, you loser." Do you habitually use the carrot or the stick, encouragement or insults?
Now you'll know what others want to know too, here, and in educational and entertaining essays on every aspect of dating and mating, socializing and sexuality.
Whether you're 15 or 75, securing the affections of your desired loved one is natural to want and challenging to obtain. Is there a secret to it?
Threesomes keep popping up in the media with a given individual's pros and cons. I don't think one can generalize. Each one is unique. Intrigued?
One problem area of your life can disturb all others areas sending everything seriously out of balance. Take an appraising look at these 4 H's. Is your milking stool stable?
Some fights may be inevitable but frequent fighting within an intimate relationship is no way to enjoy life.
Is jealousy a natural part of a romantic or sexual relationship? It doesn't have to be.
Leaving a paper trail used to be thought of as potentially incriminating. What about an electronic one?
Living with another person has good and bad aspects, usually both.
Going outside a committed relationship does not necessarily mean what you think it means to either partner, and many reactions to this are possible.
"Time is of the essence" is written into most legal contracts. It's not, but should be, by most couples as well. How you and your partner allot your time will be critical.
You are much more likely to get what you want if you are quite clear of what that might be.
Isadora Alman, M.F.T., is a board-certified sex, marriage, and family therapist, lecturer, author, and syndicated advice columnist of "Ask Isadora."
I write about social skills and sexuality, all under the umbrella of communications. Clear communications—with oneself first, then with others—is the basis for getting what you want out of life.