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Meeting New People, Making New Friends

The science is very clear on how to do it.

It has been proven in experiments over and over again that people fall in love with and/or marry those who are physically close to them—in classrooms, at work, or living right next door. If you are out of class, out of office work, and there is no suitable boy or girl next door, then what?

People who are newly out of those situations are often at a loss where to meet friends or people to date. If you don’t like hanging out alone at bars and online dating apps quickly grow old, then what?

If you believe the science of propinquity, connecting closely with those physically close, and you don’t want to go back to the office or school or there’s no one suitable next door or next desk, what’s the solution? You may have heard this before but: Join something.

There are many ways to do this, and I will outline them, but the fact is, if you see someone every week at some event or sit next to them at one, that is propinquity. However, it doesn’t happen all at once usually. Three times at least for seeing the same person wherever you are is the minimum.

Places to meet people

Worship services: You don’t have to be devout to attend a service. Check out the congregation’s makeup. Are there many single people? Find out whether they have a social club connected to their organizations. This is a good place people usually go to on a regular basis.

Sports Clubs: Watching outdoor baseball, soccer, or football games, or indoor basketball, are all good places to see who’s there on a regular basis.

Music appreciation: orchestras to listen to or small playing groups to join. Choirs of all sorts are in any town of any size if you have any musical talent or appreciation. A single ticket to a paid event will often yield a single music appreciator next to you; all the more so if it’s a season ticket.

Lecture series, hands-on classes, any event of which there is more than one session. If there’s no one likely as a friend or sweetie, stay anyhow because it’s an experience you enjoy. People become more likable the more often they rub shoulders.

How to start a conversation

“What do you think of (wherever you are)?" People like to be asked their opinions; they really do.

Compliment them: “You have a lovely singing or speaking voice.” “That was a fascinating comment or question you asked.”

Simply introduce yourself. If you have seen the person before, they have also seen you. Connecting becomes easier the more often you see any person and the more often you practice.

Happy hunting.

More from Isadora Alman MFT, CST
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