7 Lessons in Self-Control We Can Learn From Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a strategy of calming the mind and the sense of being aware of what our mind is doing in the present moment (Epstein, 2018). Here are 7 lessons mindfulness can teach about improving self-control:

Slowing things down

Slowing things down and deliberately paying attention to each aspect of our sensory experience can reveal things that we may have never noticed before. Awareness keeps old habits favored by automatic thoughts from having the final say in determining our behavior. For example, mindless eating is an important reason for overeating. Research shows that the faster a person eats, the more likely (42% more compared to slow eater) he or she is to be overweight. When you eat fast, the body doesn’t get a chance to signal to the brain that you have eaten enough (Yumi and Fukuda, 2018).

Acceptance

As a self-control strategy, mindfulness encourages a greater tolerance of emotional states. Mindfulness training invites the individual to identify and acknowledge each feeling as it arises. The goal is to identify and accept the feeling (urge), but not act on the feeling (urge) or attempt to fight it (Kornfield, 2018).

The power of pause

Mindfulness attempts to create psychological distance between the aversive emotions and the individual, thereby limiting its behavioral consequences. Psychologist May (1981) equates pause to freedom. That is, freedom is the capacity to pause in the face of stimuli from many directions at once and, in this pause, to choose our response. Pausing is essential to the process of reflection. If we are mindful of our emotions, we can make the following choice: do we want to act upon the craving or anger, or do we simply want to observe it. A pause can be created by a walk or 20 minutes of meditation.

Numbing the pain

Pursuing pleasure covers our fear of experiencing discomfort or dissatisfaction (Thich Nhat Hanh, 2012). The traditional Buddhist analogy is that we are licking honey from a razor blade: it seems like pleasure, but all of a sudden it cut us (Jacons-Stewardt, 2010). In recovery, addicts start to see that at the core of their compulsion is the desire to escape from feeling pain. Rather than escaping pain, mindfulness practices help us increase our capacity to experience it. As we practice being with these unpleasant experiences, our capacity to bear them steadily increases.

The stories we tell ourselves

Meditation helps to let go of all egocentric attitudes that keep us trapped within our own limited viewpoint (schemas). Schemas are overarching mental representations of oneself, others, and the world (e.g., “I am not worth being loved by someone”; “If people know the real me, they will reject me”). As the Talmud says, “we see the world not as it is, but as we are” With repeated activation (rehearsal), the negative schemas acquire a stronger habitual thought pattern that over time is more easily accessed by stressful life events. The awareness of our schemas provides an opportunity to grow. The awareness can help diminish the dominance of these thoughts, and not automatically believe them.

Anxiety of freedom

Freedom and anxiety are two sides of the same coin (Kornfield, 2018). Freedom is the capacity to become what we truly are. This freedom is essentially an inner state, which is what gives one the experience of autonomy, and the capacity to choose their own attitude. Courage is at the heart of authentic choices. Making authentic choices in the face existential anxiety is psychological courage in action (Putman, 2004). Courage is strength in facing one’s destructive habits. For example, when a person voluntarily engages in recovering from alcoholism, he has to face unpleasant feeling in the process. In these cases, people stand up to their challenges by restructuring their beliefs or systematically desensitizing themselves to the fears.

Impermanence

The ultimate lesson is that we vividly experience the impermanence of life (i.e., “this too shall pass”). Mindfulness practice focuses attention on emotions as transient sensory responses. Mindfulness involves awareness of how constantly thoughts, feelings, images, and sensations shift in the mind and body. The late psychologist Alan Marlatt (2005) referred to craving as ocean waves that build up to a peak state and then subside. Addicts are instructed to regard craving as transient sensations and to observe and accept them as-is, without engaging in drug use. The idea is to ride out the wave of intense desire.