Lisa Thomas LMFT

Save Your Sex Life

Sex

Keeping Marriage Hot

Why physical connection is so important in long-term relationships.

Posted Nov 15, 2015

In 2016, I will be married to my high school sweetheart for 15 years.

That's a long time. As I have watched many of my friends get divorced or become stuck in miserable situations it has certainly made me think about what makes marriage hot and how to keep the sexual connection fresh year after year?

To write this blog post, it required me to look behind me at exactly what we have done to keep the sexual spark. I was at a cocktail party about a week ago and a friend asked my husband and I if we were happily married, to which we replied yes. He then asked if we still made out, to which we replied yes. He then said "That's what was missing in my marriage, we stopped making out and then it was over." 

It was from that conversation that I drafted The Hot List.

The Hot Marriage List

Learn How To Initiate Sex Very important so that one person isn't responsible for starting the whole physical relationship for your whole marriage.

Get Comfortable with Foreplay – That means both ways. You get comfortable with him stimulating you manually and orally and the same goes for you, get good at manual stimulation and oral sex on him. Without foreplay, the sex will become dull.

Get Some Sexual Self-Confidence Learn how to please your partner by tuning into the noises they make during sex or just ask them "does this feel good, how about this?" Understanding what feels good for your partner is a goldmine for your self confidence. Knowing how to touch and please them is essential for good sex.

Have Sexual Eye Contact – Open your eyes during sex, get comfortable with looking at your partner during your orgasm, and his. It's super hot to let someone see you in the throws of pleasure.

Learn How to Have an Orgasm – And try to have one every time. Don't make the sexual experience only about his orgasm, if you do you will grow to resent sex because it will be only about him. 

Masturbate – It will keep your libido up, like a use it or lose it thing. Also, it helps you stay connected with your genitals which is important for sex over the life span.

Get Familiar With How to Use A Vibrator – Both during masturbation to gain confidence with it and during sex with your partner so you can have more frequent orgasms.

Wear Sexy Panties, at Least to Bed – By dressing sexy you will be more in the mood for touching and sex.

Don't Forget About Kissing and Making Out – Enough said. Do this at least 3 times a week.

Get Rid of the Mentality That It's Normal to Have Sex Occasionally – Its not, you should be having sex at a minimum of once a week. I try to have sex 3–4 times a week.

Be a Risk Taker – Be willing to wear lingerie, watch sexy movies, take showers together, have sex in different places and in different positions. All of that contributes to sex with the same person staying hot and exciting. Get imaginative, you are going to need it.

Figure Out What Your Sexual Fantasies Are – You are going to need to connect with who you are sexually if you are going to keep a sexual thing going over a long period of time. The more you can learn about yourself sexually the more of an interesting sexual partner you are going to be. Figure it out by reading erotic novels and paying attention to what you are excited by or interested in.

Be A Team Player – Don't make your desire the thermostat for how often you have sex in your relationship. Men are more often the high-desire partners (though not always the case). Often women will feel more in the mood once touching begins, striking our arousal. Try touching before you say no to sex.

Enjoy Your Life – Life is short and having a bond with your mate can help with happiness, longevity and health.