Why Group Friendships Can Be So Hard to Manage

​Friendships and friendship groups can be wonderful experiences that foster belonging through common understanding, interests, or values. Sometimes, however, friendship groups devolve into something much less kind as interpersonal connections combine with group dynamics, especially as the friendship group grows.

In a dyad—a friendship between only two people—the closeness of the relationship is easy to measure: How are they treating you? Are you satisfied with your level of closeness? Do you find the relationship you have with this person satisfying? It's relatively simple to know if you are close, valued, and heard. It's also relatively easy to handle everyday hiccups that can occur to help resolve conflict and keep the friendship close.

In the formation of a group, a dyad (person A and person B) grows into a triad (persons A, B, and C). When a third friend is introduced, the closeness of relationships becomes more difficult to measure because we now take into account increased complexity. We now have an A-B bond, and an A-C bond, as well as an A-B-C bond. But we also consider that person B and person C will also have an individual bond, as well as bonds to the group. The simplicity of a dyadic A-B bond now multiplies by six.

Expressed differently, in a dyad, this is the relationship that exists:

1. A-B Direct Bond

In a triad, these are the relationships that exist:

Direct individual-to-individual relationships:

1. A-B Direct Bond

2. A-C Direct Bond

3. B-C Direct Bond

Indirect or induvial-to-group relationships:

4. A relationship with the group (A-B-C)

5. B relationship with the group (B-A-C)

6. C relationship with the group (C-A-B)

With the increased complexity, you may ask yourself: Do you have a closer bond with one friend over the other? Do they have a closer bond than the bonds they have with you? How does one person feel about the bond you have with the other? Does that change the feeling you have with the group itself? The answer to these questions will likely change your behavior in the triad compared to how you might behave with individual relationships outside of this now little group.

But say a fourth, fifth, or sixth person joins the group. All of a sudden, complexity and bond multiplicities expand exponentially. Generally, sub-groups, with smaller groups of friends or individual friendships that exist both within the friend group and outside of it, may form, while the A-B-C relationship complexity expands to A-B-C-D-E-F, with all the permutations within.

As the friendship group grows, not only do relationships become more complicated, but a psychological effect takes hold: Group dynamics can emerge, igniting a host of behaviors that would be nonexistent in a dyad. For instance, a leader from within the group might emerge. This person may be more naturally dominant, opinionated, or assertive than the rest.

Because of the natural human tendency to conform, the leader might influence others to align with their expectations of the group. The group generally forms this way because others want to avoid social exclusion from the group, even if they don't necessarily agree with the leader or, therefore, the group's values, expectations, or behaviors.

​Ultimately, friendship groups can be hard to navigate. Still, they can also be rewarding if the group and the individuals within it value empathy, communication, and understanding, allowing for meaningful connections to take hold, no matter the complexity.

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