Career
Everyday Empathy: Be the Change You Wish to See
Neurodivergent people are often excluded or even abused. We can change this.
Updated June 22, 2024 Reviewed by Abigail Fagan
Key points
- Humans have an intrinsic need to belong, as well as the power to support the belonging of others.
- Social environments can bring out the worst or the best in us, but we also can change social norms.
- Neurodiversity inclusion is one of the areas where significant change is needed.
Humans long to belong, to feel connected and valued. However, in our quest for belonging, we sometimes overlook our power to create inclusive environments for others.
The quote, “Be the change that you wish to see in the world,” attributed to Mahatma Gandhi, may or may not have originated from him, but that does not make it less true. In helping others and honoring their dignity, all humans can create more positive difference than we give ourselves credit for.
Here is just one example.
The Glastonbury effect
On June 24, 2023, a crowd of more than 100,000 gathered at the Glastonbury Festival of Contemporary Performance, an outdoor event held in Somerset in the southwest of England, to see Lewis Capaldi, a Scottish singer-songwriter.
Capaldi is known for his chart-topping hit “Someone You Loved” and his unpretentious style, humor, and candid disclosures about his diagnosis of Tourette Syndrome. Tourette Syndrome causes involuntary tics that vary between individuals and are often intensified by stress and anxiety. As he performed his hit song, Capaldi’s tics became increasingly pronounced. His shoulder moved in ways he did not intend. His voice faltered. His struggle was visible to all. When Capaldi stumbled over the words to “Someone You Loved,” the audience joined in, finishing the song as he tried to sing a few words here and there.
There were no boos, no complaining. Just empathy and support.
There was no mockery or impatience. Just love.
Those fans did not buy festival tickets because they intended to make a difference. Nobody told them to make a difference. But when a difference-making moment happened, they rose to the occasion — and impacted more lives than they ever imagined.
For many people with Tourette Syndrome, as well as for autistic, dyslexic, and dyspraxic people, ADHDers, and others whose neurobiology differs from the typical, the Glastonbury crowd showed what might be possible. Acceptance. Support. Inclusion. All denied to too many, for too long. People in the UK have taken to media and to social media to express hope that Glastonbury's example will help change how neurodivergent differences are treated in society.
At the same time, half the world away, in California, I was struggling to finish my book, The Canary Code: A Guide to Neurodiversity, Dignity, and Intersectional Belonging at Work. Four years of research, almost eight months of writing, and one month to the deadline. I worried, “Will all my work make a difference? Will enough people care?”
Despite all the examples of inclusive companies, despite all the research on how neurodivergent talents benefit businesses, innovation, and the overall civilization, advancing neuroinclusion at work is hard. Excruciatingly hard. Just a few weeks earlier, many members of neurodivergent communities voted strongly against using the word “included” in one of the proposed titles of my book — because many of us have never felt included in the world of work and in the larger society.
The Glastonbury crowd showed the world what neuroinclusion can be like. They helped me finish my book, and their story became an important part of it.
Ordinary Changemaking
What would it take to replicate what I call the Glastonbury effect — the acceptance and support for neurodivergence, the honoring of human dignity — in our workplaces?
Systemic factors within organizations can bring out the best or the worst in humans.
For now, much research documents the worst. A UK study published in 2020 reported that 30 percent of managers would not want to hire someone with Tourette Syndrome. About half of the respondents would not want to hire or manage someone with at least one of the conditions typically associated with neurodivergence.
And yet, the Glastonbury crowd showed there is more caring in the world than these dire statistics suggest. And there are organizational strategies for bringing out the best in people.
In effect, the Glastonbury crowd was the opposite of a toxic organizational culture, which is disrespectful, noninclusive, unethical, cutthroat, and abusive. The Glastonbury crowd was respectful, inclusive, ethical, collaborative, and supportive.
Organizations could create a Glastonbury-like psychological environment — and such environments can support not only neuroinclusion but also overall human and organizational thriving.
The Glastonbury crowd intuitively demonstrated the key features and power of the anti-toxic community by embracing diversity through collaboration, support, and flexibility. Organizations can deliberately build these values into structures and processes, and leaders—both positional and grassroots—can model anti-toxic behavior and actively bring kindness, care, and ethics into work environments and the larger society.
CEOs and board members have powerful leverage to effect change. Prioritizing belonging in the company’s mission, values, and everyday actions can improve many lives. Creating flexible environments that support work outcomes and human well-being, as shown by my case studies of the leading inclusive companies, can greatly improve belonging at work.
Yet those without a large span of control can make much difference as well. The leadership of kindness does not require a formal title. Better yet, while change in large cultural systems tends to be slow, individual changemakers can make a difference in smaller systems, such as teams or departments, fast — sometimes, immediately.
For example, team and department leaders define the employee experience of inclusion — or exclusion. Inclusion succeeds when leaders strive to resist bias and prevent bullying. Taking small daily steps toward continuous improvement in inclusion practices adds up to a major impact.
As coworkers and team members, we can improve colleagues’ experience and change organizational norms just by being an example. We can support accessibility by including transcripts with our videos, asking about and respecting colleagues’ preferred forms of communication, considering differences in emotional needs, and taking many other actions that are the heart of everyday inclusion. We can bring out the best in each other — just like the Glastonbury concert-goers who acted not as a crowd, but as a community. We don't have to change everyone to change a social norm — experiments show that the tipping point for changing social norms is about 25% of the group.
A difference can even start with one person. Someone in the Glastonbury crowd started singing first, and others followed the example. We influence the world every day, whether we know it or not, whether we expect it or not. Every act of kindness can have a far-reaching ripple effect. By honoring others' dignity, we can turn crowds into communities and contribute to a more compassionate, more inclusive world.
A version of this post also appears in the Best Work For Your Brain newsletter and my book, The Canary Code: A Guide to Neurodiversity, Dignity, and Intersectional Belonging at Work.