Three Love Lessons from a Century of Romantic Comedies

Adam Driver in Marriage Story

Source: Netflix/Heyday Films (official publicity photos), 2019

“Where love rules, there is no will to power; and where power predominates, love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other.” - C.G. Jung

Girl Shy (1924) was considered the first romantic comedy. Now, a simple psychological tool can leverage this now-century-old cinematic genre to offer valuable insights into our evolving cultural views on the psychology of love.

Using Rusbult’s investment model (2001) from social exchange theory, we can analyze the cultural shifts in romantic ideals over time. This model—which arose from the question of "why so many couples stay together despite the costs outweighing the rewards"—asserts that relationship commitment is influenced by three factors: satisfaction (happiness with the relationship), alternatives (other than the current partner), and investment (of time, energy, money, "sunk losses.")

Three films—Serendipity, La La Land, and Marriage Story—illustrate these dynamics and reflect cultural changes in how we perceive love.

Destiny and Optimism (Serendipity, 2001)

Serendipity, directed by Peter Chelsom, is a whimsical tale of fate and destiny. Jonathan (John Cusack) and Sara (Kate Beckinsale) meet by chance in New York City, leading to a story of romantic idealism. At its core, the film explores the belief in fate as a guiding force for love, reflecting early 2000s optimism about romantic connections. The characters challenge fate by intentionally parting ways, trusting that destiny will reunite them.

At the heart of Serendipity is believing in fate as a guiding force in romantic relationships. In other words, two people find love by completely surrendering (their power):

Rusbult’s investment model reveals high satisfaction between Jonathan and Sara, driven by a combination of meeting at length, in person, combined with the magic of “limerence” (the fantasy of falling in love), a psychological experience for which there is no alternative competition that could possibly compare (especially online.) Unlike today’s online dating culture, their intense emotional investment over years of seeking each other contrasts with modern minimalism in text and online romantic efforts. Serendipity emphasizes external circumstances—chance encounters and timing—as the primary drivers of love.

The mere exposure effect (Zajonc, 1968) explores how repeated exposure to a person can foster attraction, as seen in the film’s portrayal of seemingly coincidental encounters. The film concludes with the couple with satisfaction, minimal alternatives, and high investment, happily marrying, underscoring a time when romantic idealism thrived and that while fate plays a role, personal choices, and actions are equally essential in forging lasting relationships.

Ambition and Balance (La La Land, 2016)

La La Land, directed by Damien Chazelle, explores the intersection of ambition, aspiration, and love. Mia (Emma Stone) and Sebastian (Ryan Gosling) fall in love while pursuing their respective dreams. The film examines how personal goals influence romantic commitments, highlighting the tension between self-fulfillment and relationship preservation.

Unlike Serendipity, where the characters’ careers are established, Mia and Sebastian still strive for success, complicating their relationship's satisfaction. The film’s bittersweet ending suggests that love may not always prevail when ambition takes precedence, especially in the unique dating environment of Hollywood whose numerous alternative relationship options portends those of today's online dating.

La La Land reflects nostalgia for the balance between career and romance, which feels increasingly elusive today. Had the couple made more investment in their relationship, while very typical of Hollywood culture, they might have achieved greater happiness together. They have an ambiguous presence of the Rusbult factors.

The story reminds viewers of the importance of nurturing relationships while pursuing individual goals, perhaps as common in online dating today as in Hollywood, then.

Fate and Pessimism (Marriage Story, 2019)

In stark contrast, Marriage Story (2019), directed by Noah Baumbach, portrays the unraveling of a marriage. Charlie (Adam Driver) and Nicole (Scarlett Johansson) navigate divorce amidst the pressures of career ambitions and miscommunication. The film reflects contemporary cultural pessimism about love, where relationships often succumb to power struggles and unmet needs.

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Rusbult’s model sheds light on the couple’s dissolution: low satisfaction, even more abundant alternative relationships, and dwindling investment doom the relationship. External pressures and the rise of narcissism—an emphasis on self over others—create an environment where authentic connection struggles to survive. Minimal Rusbult factors: of course, they divorce.

The story underscores how love evolves into pain, fostering personal growth but also emotional devastation. Marriage Story reflects a reality far removed from the idealism of Serendipity and the wistful balance of La La Land.

Cultural Reflections on Love

From the idealism of Serendipity to the ambition of La La Land and the pessimism of Marriage Story, these films reflect significant cultural shifts in attitudes toward love. In 2001, romanticism was still rooted in fate and magic, while in 2016, it focused on balancing personal and romantic goals. By 2019, the cultural narrative had shifted to power dynamics and the harsh realities of modern relationships.

C.G. Jung’s observation that love and power are inversely related offers a poignant lens for understanding this evolution. The struggle between career ambitions and relational priorities mirrors broader societal trends. While romantic comedies of the past celebrated love as an ideal, today’s narratives often depict love as fragile, overshadowed by self-interest and career goals.

Perhaps our culture hasn’t become less romantic over the past century. Instead, we may have become more narcissistic, prioritizing personal power over connection. Whether love or ambition prevails, these stories remind us of the importance of balancing self and relationships if we are to find lasting happiness in them.