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Fear

Surviving Fire and Fear

A Personal Perspective: Resilience, trauma, and the healing power of community.

Key points

  • Collective trauma has happened for many due to the Los Angeles fires.
  • Confusion and survivor's guilt are natural to experience after something like this.
  • Even if you worry you’ll do the wrong thing, intentions matter.
Source: Alli Spotts-De Lazzer

It’s around 9 p.m. on Wednesday, January 8th. My family and I are watching the television coverage of the closest Los Angeles fire. The mandatory evacuation area ends about a mile away, and the flames are heading away from us. My husband tells me that he’s feeling confident the fire won’t reach us.

Suddenly, he says, “What’s that?”

Orange flickers in the window’s reflection. (It seems illogical it could be a fire since we’re too far away for an ember to have reached us. There’s barely any wind!)

He steps out front, thankfully, with his phone in hand. Loudly and calmly, he says, “Fire.”

Trailing behind him, I look up. A wall of orange flames engulfs the house to the left, across our street, and about 30 feet away.

My husband dials 911. We hear pops, like explosion sounds. House #1 is now flame-throwing onto House #2 across from us. I hear him yelling to get the attention of the people in House #2.

Source: Alli Spotts-De Lazzer

Sock-footed, I bolt towards the neighbors up the cul-de-sac. Screeching “Fire!” I pound on the door of the one who recently had lung transplant surgery. I proceed up the block, warning neighbors by yelling, “Fire!” It feels like I’m breaking my vocal cords. I then remember we have a neighborhood text chain. I send four one-word texts: "Fire," "Hoses," "Need," and "Fire." (Yes, it’s somewhat cryptic, but I’m not in my right mind!)

I race back to my husband who is using a hose to wet the front in case of flying embers. The fire from house #1 has now engulfed a significant portion of house #2 next to it—that's the one directly across from our home.

Hubs tells me to get the pets; we need to leave. I hurry inside mumbling, “Get the pets, get the pets, get the pets,” as if I’d forget if I didn’t keep saying it. (Crisis causes unexpected responses.)

At this point, most neighbors have left. Our pets are almost loaded into the car. Both House #1 and #2 are completely aflame, and the first firetruck pulls into our narrow street.

Oops. We didn’t get out in time.

Source: Alli Spotts-De Lazzer

Instead, we remained calm and kept out of the way while about 50 firefighters and water-dropping helicopters fought the blaze. They knocked down the fire before it could hit a third structure—or ours. I cannot respect the fire department more than I do right now.

The worst part came next. While the power was out and the street was pitch black, countless looters, looky-loos, and scammers barged in. We had to build nightly barricades and hire security. It was deeply unnerving.

Cut to…

Quite a few people told me that my experience and Instagram post helped them to understand the situation better. So I thought I’d share them here. The post:

To respect those dealing with disaster, I paused posting. Then I was included in the disaster. So I’m going to post what I feel is helpful to those not directly affected right now.

“Not directly affected" is subjective. Did you know that trauma is not only what happens that’s a distressing life event, but it’s the person’s response to it? That means that people who witness that distressing life event, even on television, can experience trauma responses. These might include, for example, sleep disruptions, hypervigilance, and anxiousness. If you’re feeling somehow “off,” please don’t be hard on yourself.

For those with guilt and feelings of helplessness who are pausing their (your) own “normal” lives, STOP IT! We need you strong. Get back to what makes you feel most you. Your love and strength is needed energetically at the very least.

Something “normal” can help reset people, calm them. So if you can function as normally as possible, please do. We can’t all go down at the same time. Vacillating between guilt and gratitude is typical in these kinds of incidents (Moniuszko, 2025).

This disaster is probably not going to be a fast recovery. We need you grounded. You’ll be called on to help those of us feeling drained and empty as time passes and “normal” remains elusive.

For those who are giving food to the firefighters, ask them first. If they are full or over-whelmed with our kindness, think about other teams (e.g., We talked to the Department of Water and Power workers who are pulling 16-hour days and on staff 24/7. They were humble, helpful, and heroic, too.).

Before the fires hit my own block, I had called the local fire station to ask what they needed. The captain had replied that they were good and were already overwhelmed by the public’s appreciation and goodies. I can only imagine what it’s like now.

Idea: Spread the love. Who else has been working their tails off? Who else do we not necessarily appreciate on a daily basis? So many heroes keep the city working.

Trauma is a person’s reaction to a distressing life event. So someone watching the images may have a true trauma response similar to someone who was directly hit. Your brain will judge, but that’s human. We are all in this together, OK?

I have friends not close to being evacuated who had to exit the city. They were so scared! And though that was not my experience, I get it. People took the best care of themselves they could by staying, going, packing, whatever helped them feel safer.

For many who were more directly hit (I did not lose my house, family, people, or pets, but I got stuck and witnessed the wrath of fire that took out two houses about 20 feet from me), the outpouring of love and support is cup-filling and grounding. If you are worried about your friends, reach out.

People contacted me on social media, through texts, and in other ways. People I’d had falling-outs with years ago reached out. It mattered; they mattered; their kindness mattered. Knowing they thought of me helped keep me feeling strong and resilient.

If you’ve been thinking about someone but feel silly reaching out, I encourage you to do so despite the reluctance. They might benefit greatly by knowing you thought of them and wish them well.

No one is trained for this… Intentions matter. Even if you worry you’ll do the wrong thing, intentions matter. Trust your loving intentions.

This last part is probably the most important during these very challenging times.

This post is for informational purposes only and does not provide professional advice.

References

Moniuszko, S. (2025, January 10). Dealing with "survivor's guilt" amid wildfires? An expert shares some advice. CBS News.

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