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Traveling alone and traveling with friends admittedly has its virtues. But there is nothing like traveling with someone you love to fully appreciate some of the romantic aspects that travel has to offer. Granted, there are stressors that can test each partner's good will, and plenty or decision making to provoke potential conflicts, but in a relationship of mutual good will, these hazards are not only reasonably easy to negotiate- they are also a way to bond and grow as a couple.
Probably a young relationship is best served by an easy vacation-a weekend or overnight trip to some place that is merely a new setting for romance and intimacy. However, as the relationship matures, the call of exploration and adventure can be combined with the desire to be together. Chapman, a psychologist, wrote a book called, The Five Languages of Love, and in it he explores the five ways he believes people like to given and or receive love from a partner. One that strikes a cord with me, and many people, is Quality Time. That is, a loving relationship is created by accumulating a memory bank of experiences that is both proof of compatibility and affection. Travel is not only quality time in that it is generally uninterrupted togetherness; it is also quality time because enjoyable, even amazing experiences are shared.
I was recently on a trip with my boyfriend to Bhutan and Cambodia. One part of the Bhutan trip is trekking up to the Tiger's Nest, a reconstruction of a 12th century monastery fortress that was savaged by fire in the 1990s but rebuilt to its exact previous state. The trip is somewhat perilous... The altitude, about ten thousand feet, affects your breathing and endurance and there are narrow parts of the trail with uneven rock-and a three thousand foot drop to your right-with nothing protecting you from slipping over the side. Thousands of people do it a year- but it's still scary. After we had accomplished this hike to the top, (about three thousand feet up and down if you don't take some little horses/mules up for the first thousand feet which we did), you feel pretty good about yourself-and your partner! It was a high, figuratively and literally.
It doesn't have to be this exotic to be good. We've paddled in white water-but we've also just taken a lazy day and a half for an overnight on a local island. Just getting away is always the right thing to do for me, even if it requires some negotiation over choices and some moments of frustration or disagreement. The things I remember most, and that makes me feel most in love, is this kind of uninterrupted time and shared experience. I'd be happy to trade a few "I love you's" or presents or shared chores and a lot of other things for quality, focused times that make memories. It's interesting to think about what makes you feel loved-and then, when you figure out what your love style is, make it happen.
Pepper Schwartz
