Relationships
Intimacy, Love, and Stress
Are stress and anxiety impacting your sex life?
Posted December 20, 2024 Reviewed by Hara Estroff Marano
Key points
- Stress and anxiety can reduce libido and make physical intimacy feel less important.
- Financial pressures in particular can create emotional distance.
- During stressful periods, couples should carve out intentional moments for one-on-one time.

Stress and anxiety, be they temporary or ongoing, can significantly influence a couple’s emotional connection and level of sexual activity, with both positive and negative effects. While things like jobs and family are often associated with joy and togetherness, they can also bring stress, fatigue, and logistical challenges that can disrupt or enhance both emotional and physical intimacy.
The effects of stress and anxiety, whatever their cause, can vary based on the stage of the relationship (relatively new or longer-term), the couple’s overall relational dynamics, and each person’s ability to manage these uncomfortable feelings. For some people, the feelings can create a need or desire for a bit of emotional distance. For others, these feelings may exacerbate problematic sexual behaviors, including infidelity, porn usage, and compulsive sexual activity.
Intimacy Based on a Couple’s Status
- Long-Term Couples
- Potential for Bonding: At times, stress and anxiety can foster supportive, empathetic communication, leading to emotional closeness and creating opportunities for affection and intimacy.
- Challenges: The demands of life, such as work, family strife, and unexpected issues like home or car repair, can easily reduce libido and make physical intimacy feel less important. Emotional intimacy may also suffer as partners become preoccupied with obligations, leaving little time for connection.
- Couples Just Beginning to Date
- Potential for Bonding: Despite challenges with stress and anxiety, shared experiences like dates or simply having emotionally intimate conversations can deepen emotional connection in new relationships.
- Challenges: New couples may face pressures like deciding how much time to spend together, whether to give gifts on birthdays and holidays (and, if so, what “level” of gifts), and if and when meeting family members is appropriate. Such dynamics can create tension and affect emotional intimacy. Moreover, romanticized relationship ideals can overwhelm new couples, especially when trying to balance intimacy with the desire to make a good impression on friends and family.
- Couples Separated by Travel or Family Visits
- Potential for Bonding: Couples can use time apart to share meaningful messages, create fun memories virtually, and plan reunions to sustain their connection.
- Challenges: Maintaining sexual intimacy is harder when physical touch is impossible, leaving some couples feeling emotionally distant even with virtual communication.
Six Ways Stress and Anxiety Can Negatively Affect Intimacy Regardless of a Couple’s Status
- Increased Life Pressures: Financial pressures and family conflicts often create emotional distance, making both emotional and physical intimacy more difficult. Couples may also feel heightened anxiety from unspoken (or spoken) expectations for a perfect relationship and life.
- Physical Exhaustion: The demands of work, maintaining a home, taking care of kids, paying bills, and traveling can leave couples too fatigued to prioritize emotional connection and sexual activity.
- Overcommitment: Excessive work, family gatherings, and special events with or for the kids or others may consume a couple’s time, leaving little opportunity for private moments.
- Body Image Concerns: Stress and anxiety can lead to overindulgence at mealtime (and in between mealtimes) and reduced exercise, which in turn can lead to body image insecurity, particularly in newer relationships.
- Distance and Separation: Being separated by things like work-related travel and family commitments can result in a lack of closeness, with virtual communication often feeling insufficient.
- Compulsive Sexual Behavior: Stress and anxiety may increase compulsive behaviors, such as drinking, overeating, and pornography use, as well as other forms of sexual acting out. Any of these can strain both intimacy and self-esteem.
Six Potential Solutions to Strengthen Intimacy
- Prioritize Couple Time: Carve out intentional moments for one-on-one time, even during busy weeks. Virtual date nights can help separated couples stay emotionally connected.
- Communicate Openly about Stress: Sharing feelings about work and other life pressures can ease tension and strengthen bonds, especially for new couples still learning about each other.
- Set Boundaries on External Obligations: Limit commitments you make regarding work and social events so that you can preserve time for your relationship.
- Create Rituals for Intimacy: Establish small traditions, such as cuddling by the fire, watching your favorite show, or taking a quiet walk together. Long-distance couples can create rituals like streaming and watching a movie together.
- Focus on Self-Care: Engage in healthy habits like exercise and mindfulness to boost mood and confidence, both of which can enhance intimacy.
- Structure Time and Pacing: Planning and setting boundaries can reduce stress and mitigate compulsive behaviors, fostering emotional closeness.
Conclusion
Stress and anxiety will impact couples differently based on their relationship stage and circumstances. While these uncomfortable emotions can strain intimacy, intentional efforts to communicate, set boundaries, and prioritize connection can ease the challenges. The feelings of stress and anxiety also present opportunities for couples to deepen their bonds through shared experiences and mutual understanding in the face of life challenges. Rather than struggling individually, they can form a team and support one another.