User's Manual for the Male Brain

Three excerpts that will help you get more enjoyment from the device

Posted Sep 27, 2015

You wouldn’t dream of buying a new TV or a car without a user’s manual because these technologies are getting to be quite complex.

Male humans are as complex as TV’s or cars (although some would say they only have an on-off switch), so how can you “buy” a guy without first reading his user's manual?

By “buy” I mean, date, live with, marry or engage in any kind of relationship.

Well, it turns out there is a user’s manual (if not owner’s manual) for the male brain. The manual describes both the theory and practice of interacting with such a brain.

Here are three useful excerpts.

THEORY: The male brain is better at spatial tasks, such as visualizing objects in three dimensions, than at verbal tasks, such as recalling words.

PRACTICAL APPLICATION. Explain difficult concepts—like why it’s important to keep the house neat—in visual terms, not verbal terms. Better still, show what you mean, don’t say it. For example, illustrate the benefits of tidiness by going to the other extreme. Scatter random items on the floor in his den. Put all of his shoes on the bed before bedtime. Drape a towel, preferably wet, over the big screen TV on Sunday before football games start. The visuo-spatial male brain will usually grasp the general idea you are trying to convey.

THEORY: Males do not remember things as well as females, especially things rich with negative emotions.

PRACTICAL APPLICATION: Before cautioning the male about something you want to avoid in the future, gently remind the male in question of past events. For instance, if you’re getting ready to attend yet another work-related cocktail reception, remind your male significant other that he got into a potentially career limiting argument with his drunken boss at the last such reception. Recalling the visuo-spatial nature of your partner’s brain, emphasize your point with a strong visual signal, such as a neck-chopping gesture. It is best to avoid subtlety when communicating with males.

THEORY: Male brains excel at sensory-motor targeting. For example, they are generally accurate at hitting Object A by throwing Object B at it.

PRACTICAL APPLICATION: You can apply this knowledge when traveling to mosquito infested habitats. As a case in point, suppose a mosquito lands on the wall opposite you in your motel room while you are vacationing. In such circumstances, neither you, nor your accompanying male need to traumatically compress (squish) the insect. Your male should be able to resolve the mosquito issue by throwing a balled-up sock at the offending creature.

We hope this peek into the manual has been helpful.

One caution. Male brains are not all identical, so the theory of the male brain may not always match the practice of the male brain when you wish to achieve a desired objective.

On the positive side, updates to the manual are underway, so you can expect more accurate information in the future.

These updates will further aid you in enjoying years of trouble-free use of your male brain.