Introversion Is Not the Opposite of Extroversion: Another Model

I propose the "And" model of introversion and extroversion, rather than the "Or" model. Read part 1 of this series, if you haven't.

First, I’ll note that I’m using the terms introversion and extroversion as shorthand for sets of skills, each of which one can learn independently.

Source: Joshua Spodek

This And model for introversion and extroversion implies what the And model for fitness and strength did about its characteristics. It says high introversion doesn’t imply low extroversion, nor does extroversion imply low introversion.

It says that each characteristic comes from skills anyone can learn. Just as exercise improves nearly anyone's fitness, meditation will improve nearly anyone's introversion. Practicing social skills improves nearly anyone's extroversion.

Doubtless, many readers who believe the Or model for introversion and extroversion are compiling cases against the And model in their minds. They’ve built lives around that model. They’ve avoided parties out of feelings of helplessness they considered innate and unchanging that this model implies they can change. It suggests they could take responsibility for improving their lives in areas they never tried. It suggests what they said was easy for others was just as hard for anyone else as for themselves.

Such people will find ways to prove the Or model correct and the And model wrong. Confirmation bias and other biases do so. But if you believe all models are wrong, but some are useful, then the point is the life the And model enables versus the Or model.

People I describe this And model to consistently describe how trying to act extroverted when they consider themselves introverted and vice versa leave them drained. Their explanations are consistent with the statement in Part 1, “All skills you don’t have feel draining to use until you develop them. After you develop them, they don’t drain you. Feeling drained results from inexperience.”

A challenge

If you’ve believed the Or model of introversion and extroversion your whole life and resist the And model, try this challenge: Try acting on the And model for a week or a month. See where it leads you. If you’re sure the Or model is right, you won’t have any problems believing something different for a while.

You might be surprised how your life changes if you look at things differently. You might find yourself trying and enjoying things you never thought you could. You might believe yourself capable of learning and doing things you thought impossible. You might open new parts of life. You might start to find the evidence against it not so persuasive and more self-serving.

When you feel your life improving, you might find yourself having less time for people who try to re-impose the Or belief on you. You might feel like someone who quit smoking or another habit—your friends who didn’t take the emotional challenge keep trying to drag you back.

What harm is there in trying a belief for a while?

By the way, I’ll note that I’ll be happy to reject the And model if anyone shows me a reason that works. So far, no one has shown me evidence that the Or model of introversion and extroversion has any greater validity than the And model.

In Part 3, I’ll show how shifting from using the Or model to an And model shifts how you look at introversion and extroversion—specifically as a set of skills that you can develop and empower yourself with, as opposed to a set of (imagined) restrictions that confine you.