3 Ways to Help Children Deal with Peer Pressure

When I was a child, one of the things that upset me the most was watching friends be mean to other kids—whether it was a classmate they didn’t like or someone who was just going about their day being themselves. Before I even knew what peer pressure was, I could feel it—this agonizing, invisible force that made it hard to speak up when I saw something wrong.

I remember standing in those moments, torn between doing something and staying silent. But staying silent always felt like participating, and I knew deep down that wasn’t what I wanted. The fear of how my friends might react—Would they still like me? Would they turn on me?—kept me quiet at first.

But as I got older, I became more confident in my decisions during those tricky moments. Speaking up felt less risky, and the "what-ifs" started to fade away.

Those experiences taught me something about peer pressure: It’s not just about the obvious bad choices people typically think of, like skipping school or trying something dangerous. Sometimes it’s about the quiet moments, the subtle pressure to look the other way or stay in the background.

And as I’ve grown, I’ve realized it’s also not always bad. Peer pressure can push us to grow, stand up for others, and try new things. The challenge is learning how to navigate it—and teaching kids to do the same.

What Is Peer Pressure?

Peer pressure refers to the influence we feel from others to act, think, or behave in a particular way. It’s a universal experience, but for kids and teens, it can feel particularly intense. As they grow, their need for peer acceptance is at the forefront of their brains, and the desire to fit in can sometimes conflict with their values.

Peer pressure can have both positive and negative effects. On the positive side, it can encourage children to try new activities, work harder in school, and adopt healthier habits. Research by Wentzel et al. (2005) indicates that peers often promote beneficial behaviors like empathy and sharing.

On the negative side, peer pressure can lead to bullying, risky behavior, and silence in the face of wrongdoing. According to Prinstein and Dodge (2008), as children grow, their desire for social acceptance makes them more susceptible to peer influence, making it harder to trust their instincts or say "no" when they feel uncomfortable.

How You Can Help Your Child Navigate Tricky Scenarios

The good news is that peer pressure doesn’t have to define your child’s choices. By building their confidence and following a few research-backed strategies, we can prepare them to handle social situations with assertiveness and integrity. Let’s discuss a few things that can help.

1. Share Your Own Stories

Kids connect with personal stories, especially when they come from trusted adults. Share moments when you faced peer pressure—whether it was standing up for someone being excluded or resisting the urge to follow the crowd. Talk about how you felt, what you did, and what you learned.

Research shows that when parents share their struggles, it fosters trust and open communication (Kerr & Stattin, 2000). Hearing your stories helps kids feel less alone and gives them a model for navigating tricky situations.

2. Explore the Good and the Bad

Another approach is to have your child reflect on both the positive and negative sides of peer pressure. It’s a good idea to ask them about a time when friends encouraged them to do something positive, such as trying a new activity or studying harder for a test. Then, engage them in a conversation about a time when they felt pushed to do something that didn’t align with their values.

Reflection often builds self-awareness, which is a critical skill for resisting negative influences. Studies by Bardi and Schwartz (2003) show that children with a strong understanding of their values are more likely to act in ways that align with their beliefs, even in the face of peer pressure.

3. Play Pretend

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Sometimes kids give in to peer pressure simply because they don’t know how to say no. Role-playing can help them practice responses to common scenarios, such as turning down an invitation to do something risky or standing up to a friend who’s being mean to someone. Simons-Morton et al. (2001) found that when children practice assertive communication in low-pressure settings, they are more likely to use these skills effectively when faced with peer pressure in real-life scenarios.

Equip kids with simple, assertive phrases like:

• “I’m not into that.”
• “Why don’t we try something else?”
• “I don’t think that’s fair.”

The Takeaway

Peer pressure will always exist, but it doesn’t have to control your child’s decisions. By fostering open communication, teaching assertiveness, and helping kids reflect on their values, you can empower them to navigate social situations with confidence.

The next time they face a difficult moment, they might surprise you with their courage—whether it’s by standing up for themselves or someone else, or by confidently saying, “No thanks.”

Dr. Yanet Vanegas is a licensed psychologist dedicated to helping children, teens, and families thrive. To learn more about her work, visit https://asecurebase.net.