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Key points
- Sex hormones are like an orchestra. Testosterone and estrogen can boost arousal. Progesterone can dampen it.
- Women's hormones dramatically shift during life transitions, unlike men's gradual testosterone decline.
- Hormonal shifts in either partner impact mood, energy, and, ultimately, a couple's sex life.
- Relational and environmental factors interact with hormones to shape sexual behavior.
Remember hitting puberty and suddenly finding yourself with sweaty palms around your crush? That wasn’t just teenage drama; it was your hormones kicking into high gear. During those years, your body floods with testosterone, estrogen, and progesterone, not just changing your body but rewiring your brain to make sex suddenly fascinating. And guess what? These hormones keep pulling strings behind the scenes of your sex life long after those awkward teenage years.
Think of these hormones as different instruments in an orchestra. Testosterone isn’t just “the male hormone," although it’s typically higher in men; both men and women need it to feel turned on. Estrogen isn’t just “the female hormone,” either; everyone has it, although women have more, and it’s also crucial for sexual arousal in both sexes while also controlling vaginal lubrication and ovulation in women. Then there’s progesterone, which can actually put the brakes on sex drive in both men and women.
Women experience more dramatic hormonal fluctuations than men, with daily changes throughout the menstrual cycle, shifts due to hormonal contraceptives, and the major hormonal upheavals of pregnancy, postpartum, and menopause. Men experience a more gradual decline in testosterone with age, which can impact sexual desire and erectile function. These changes, in either partner, can significantly affect a couple’s sex life, both directly and indirectly, by influencing mood, energy levels, and overall well-being.
Life itself messes with your hormones too. Stressed at work? That burst of cortisol can suppress your testosterone and dampen your sex drive1. However, low testosterone levels can also be adaptive. New dads, for example, often experience a dip in testosterone that helps them focus more on family and less on checking out other potential partners2.
Sex Drive Through the Month and Under Birth Control
Unlike other mammals that only mate when females are in heat, women are sexually active throughout their menstrual cycle and after menopause. This extended sexuality, without the clear “heat” signals of other mammals, might have evolved to keep men around and helping to raise kids (who need extended care compared to the young of other animals)3.
While women don’t advertise when they’re ovulating as other mammals do, their bodies know what’s up. Around ovulation, subtle changes in estrogen and progesterone can make women feel more interested in sex—both with their current partner and potentially with others4,5. This spike in sexual interest often comes with decreased appetite—the body’s way of prioritizing mating over eating while conserving energy and resources for other priorities like food acquisition when pregnancy is unlikely6.
Birth control pills change this natural rhythm (read more here and here). Women on the pill don’t experience these monthly shifts in sexual desire because the pills prevent ovulation (and associated hormonal changes)7. And relationships matter, too: Women who feel secure with a partner often get more physically intimate during their fertile window than during other times of the menstrual cycle. Those in shakier relationships might actually pull back during this time8—perhaps an ancient evolutionary nudge to consider other mating options. It’s like our bodies have their own relationship wisdom, even if we don’t consciously realize it9.
When Menopause Shakes Things Up
Women experience hormonal shifts as they age and progress through the menopausal transition. When estrogen drops dramatically, it can lead to vaginal dryness, thinning of vaginal tissues, and painful intercourse. These hormone changes negatively impact women’s sexual desire, arousal, enjoyment, ability to orgasm, and frequency of sexual activity10.
Hormone therapy can help—especially estrogen treatments, including those used directly in the vagina to improve lubrication and comfort during sex. While these treatments work well for physical symptoms, they’re less effective for boosting sexual interest11. That’s why some women also turn to testosterone patches, which can enhance desire and satisfaction12.
But here’s the thing: It’s not all about hormones. Women who maintain passionate connections with their partners, keep the spark alive with plenty of affection, or find themselves in new relationships are less likely to report a decline in sexual functioning during menopause than women who do not report such experiences13.
References
1. Dick, B., Koller, C., Herzog, B., Greenberg, J., & Hellstrom, W. J. G. (2020). The role of hormones in male sexual function. Current Sexual Health Reports, 12(2), 101–112.
2. Wardecker, B. M., Smith, L. K., Edelstein, R. S., & Loving, T. J. (2015). Intimate relationships then and now: How old hormonal processes are influenced by our modern psychology. Adaptive Human Behavior and Physiology, 1(2), 150–176.
3. Rooker, K., & Gavrilets, S. (2020). On the evolution of sexual receptivity in female primates. Scientific Reports, 10, 1-12.
4. Arslan, R. C., Schilling, K. M., Gerlach, T. M., & Penke, L. (2021). Using 26,000 diary entries to show ovulatory changes in sexual desire and behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 121(2), 410–431.
5. Roney, J. R., & Simmons, Z. L. (2016). Within-cycle fluctuations in progesterone negatively predict changes in both in-pair and extra-pair desire among partnered women. Hormones and Behavior, 81, 45-52.
6. Roney, J. R., & Simmons, Z. L. (2017). Ovarian hormone fluctuations predict within-cycle shifts in women's food intake. Hormones and Behavior, 90, 8-14.
7. Jones, B. C., Hahn, A. C., & DeBruine, L. M. (2019). Ovulation, sex hormones, and women’s mating psychology. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 23(1), 51-62.
8. Eastwick, P. W., & Finkel, E. J. (2012). The evolutionary armistice: Attachment bonds moderate the function of ovulatory cycle adaptations. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 38, 174-184.
9. Birnbaum, G. E. (2018). The fragile spell of desire: A functional perspective on changes in sexual desire across relationship development. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 22, 101–127.
10. Lonnèe-Hoffmann, R. A. M., Dennerstein, L., Lehert, P., & Szoeke, C. (2014). Sexual function in the late postmenopause: A decade of follow-up in a population-based cohort of Australian women. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 11(8), 2029-2038.
11. Wierman, M. E., Nappi, R. E., Avis, N., Davis, S. R., Labrie, F., Rosner, W., & Shifren, J. L. (2010). Endocrine aspects of women’s sexual function. The journal of sexual medicine, 7(1_Part_2), 561-585.
12. Uloko, M., Rahman, F., Puri, L. I., & Rubin, R. S. (2022). The clinical management of testosterone replacement therapy in postmenopausal women with hypoactive sexual desire disorder: a review. International journal of impotence research, 34(7), 635-641.
13. Birnbaum, G. E., Cohen, O., & Wertheimer, V. (2007). Is it all about intimacy? Age, menopausal status, and women's sexuality. Personal Relationships, 14, 167-185.
