Career
Honoring the Serious Person
Personal Perspective: Upbeat people are fun, but seriousness has its pluses too.
Posted January 5, 2022 Reviewed by Davia Sills
Key points
- It's tempting to avoid serious types of people.
- If only because we claim to welcome diversity, we need to give our time to and even perhaps honor serious people.
- Attempting to cheer them up may well backfire; it's often better to make the most of their natural demeanor.

People vary in temperament from playful to serious. An effective communicator adapts to reflect that. Doing so is helpful whether you’re a friend, coworker, salesperson, or romantic partner.
The previous installment discussed the merits of the playful person. Here we turn to the serious person. Here’s a composite of one drawn from my clients and other people I know.
Most people smile and laugh a lot. Not me. It’s not in my DNA. I’m most comfortable talking about and doing tasks, no-nonsense. And when I’m relaxing, I'd rather watch C-SPAN than Comedy Central and read Psychology Today than People.
Interacting with a serious person
A serious demeanor usually derives from some combination of DNA, upbringing, and current lifestyle. In any case, by the time you meet a serious person, their demeanor may be fairly fixed. So telling them to cheer up or smile more is more likely to generate antipathy than change. Even trying to cheer them up will likely distance you and perhaps make the person feel bad or inferior. After all, the norm is to be upbeat if not downright chipper. As in dealing with most not-hurtful human characteristics, it’s usually wise to aim toward acceptance of differences.
Some upbeat people are tempted to change the topic when the serious person is getting too dark or intense. Ask yourself whether you’d be wise to stay with it. You might grow from it and, at minimum, show the aforementioned respect for differences. If you claim to celebrate diversity, that's an under-considered opportunity to show it.
You might even encourage the serious person. For example, consider revealing something serious and important about yourself or the world, and maybe even ask their advice: “So, what do you think?”
The takeaway
The world is net better for the presence of serious types. They may more likely be dogged in the face of challenges, not just in their personal lives but also at work. For example, serious people likely were over-represented among those dogged enough to have developed the COVID vaccine, those who work overtime in hospitals to address the shortage of health care workers, and, on a pleasanter note, those who work long hours to create those TV shows we love to binge-watch.
If you’re finding it too tough to deal with a particularly serious person, perhaps because they have other challenging characteristics, sure, try to minimize your time with them. But more often, it’s wise, from a personal and a macro perspective, to give time to, even honor, the serious people in your life.
I read this aloud on YouTube.