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Today's installment in this series on people who spend much time alone tells the composite story of a person who went out of her comfort zone--solo.
Madeline's husband of 33 years died suddenly. While grieved, she found herself also feeling relieved. Just two weeks after he died, she was wondering what it might be like to date someone.
She decided to do something that would remove the temptation. Although she had done only 10-20 mile hikes before, she decided to hike the 400+ miles of the Appalachian Trail from her home in Roanoke, Virginia to Harper's Ferry, at the confluence of the Shenandoah and Potomac Rivers, near Washington, DC. She figured she could do that in two months, just about the right amount of time.
To her surprise, she passed at least one person during each hour but deliberately just gave them a weak smile and averted her eyes, which signaled that she didn't want company. Nor did she find herself gaining any profound insights. She found her attention filled by enjoying nature's small things and frequently checking out her body, grateful that she was able to do the hike without undue strain.
But on Day 4, Madeline was feeling a bit lonely and so gave a more enthusiastic "Hi" when two young women with massive backpacks tramped past her. When they continued on, to try to stop them, Madeline added, "Who's your personal trainer?"
It worked: They laughed and stopped. They were "thru-hikers" planning to walk the Trail's entire 2,180 miles. When Madeline asked what motivated them to do it, one said, "The same reason people want to climb Everest: Just so they can say they accomplished something big."
Madeline thought to herself, "Is that really accomplishing anything of significance?" When they asked her why she was hiking the 400 miles, she lied, "Same as you. Wanted to see if I could do it." The conversation quickly petered out and the young women chugged ahead.
On Day 23, Madeline ran into a woman of approximately her age. Blair did day hikes along this trail but had no grand plans. When Madeline explained that she was more than halfway through that 400-mile Virginia chunk of the Trail, Blair asked if she's enjoying it. Madeline paused for a long time trying to get in touch with how she really was feeling about it. Finally, she said, "I kind of hate it. It's dirty, it's long. It's boring. And unlike what they show in the movies, you don't necessarily come up with some brilliant insight about your life."
It was Day 63, Madeline still had 35 miles to go, and now was exhausted. She had promised herself that she'd try to make it all the way without sleeping in a motel but she felt she needed to. At check-in, the clerk mentioned its small cafe. Madeline somehow felt that eating there would be a cop-out and especially because it was completely empty, decided to eat in her room from the provisions in her pack.
Madeline indeed went to her room but couldn't get the idea of a restaurant meal out of her mind. So she walked downstairs and peeked again into the cafe. This time there was one person there, a man about her age. Despite herself, she couldn't resist going in...and sitting at a table where they could exchange eye contact.
After a glass of wine and a salad, she dared look toward him. He must have been watching her for a long time because as soon as she did, he raised his fork of chicken like a toast to her. She turned away but he came over and asked if he could join her.
When Madeline returned to Roanoke, of course, her friends asked about her hike. She never mentioned her night in the motel.
The 2nd edition of The Best of Marty Nemko is available. You can reach career and personal coach Marty Nemko at mnemko@comcast.net
