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As you settle into the pedicure chair and the nice lady hands you three white books of nail colors, deciding between Got Myself into a Jam-Bayla, Tickle My France-y and Don’t Bossa Nova Me Around can feel like a life-altering decision.
Your heart starts to beat faster knowing that you’re going to have to make a decision. You hold each fake nail up to your skin, overanalyzing, trying to decide on the perfect shade of light purple. It feels like you just have to make the right choice. After all, who wants to be stuck with ugly nails for two weeks? Not you.
The reality, though, is that if you pick an ugly color or the wrong shade of purple, so what?
But when it comes to your practice, especially the importance of putting your needs first, those decisions matter.
I recently received this email and I bet that you can relate:
What should I do if a class I want to take is only at a time when I have a client scheduled? I'm worried it might be hard for them to change appointment times. One side of me says I made a commitment to my client and don't want to abandon them. The other side says if I don’t take the class, I will be neglecting my needs and this is important to me.
A decision like this feels hard and sticky and makes your stomach tie up in knots.
Yes, you’ve got to be mindful of the effect of your decisions on clients, but you are not obligated to sacrifice yourself, your priorities, or your needs. It seems that as therapists we feel guilty for taking care of our needs, but few other professionals prioritize the feelings of their clients in this way.
Imagine that you have a standing appointment every six weeks to get your hair colored — otherwise your gray hairs are in full effect — and your stylist tells you that she no longer works on Wednesdays at 6:00. The hairdresser is apologetic about the inconvenience, and offers you 3 possible new appointment times. Do you pick one, or, even though you love this stylist, do you consider breaking up with her to find someone that works with your (really, your client's) schedule?
A perceived inconvenience to a client may make you feel temporarily uncomfortable, but the truth is, they can handle it.
So what do you do?
- Create a transition plan and timeframe and be explicit with the client about when the change will happen. Think like your hairdresser: Offer choices for a different time slot and let your client decide what will work for them.
- Check the facts. What are you making it mean if you change your schedule? What evidence do you have to support your concern that your client will be “mad” or will terminate you? Is there room to consider that if you offer other appointments your client may just agree to figure out how to make it work?
- Risk analysis. What is the cost to you for not taking care of yourself and your needs? The risks are too high and you've got to start taking some steps to reclaim your commitment to self-care.
Letting your clients' wants and preferences be the guiding force in your decisions is dangerous for both you and your clients. If you continue in that pattern, you’ll lose parts of yourself, feel resentment and frustration, and perhaps bring yourself closer to burnout and compassion fatigue. You’ve got to make yourself a priority because ultimately this will make you a better therapist to all of your clients.
You’ve worked hard to build your practice and so now you get to decide if Alpaca My Bags or Do You Lilac is the right nail shade for you. Going forward, do you want a practice that drains you or one in which you’ve not only made time for your clients but also for yourself? You decide.
