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4 Ways to Date With More Ease

How to develop a new approach to dating.


People often foreclose on their romantic happiness simply out of a fear of the dating world and the uncertainty that it entails. Adopt a different kind of approach to dating so as to give yourself ample opportunity to meet the right match, while at the same time being at ease in your own skin. Here are four ways to date with more ease.

1. Treat everyone as a friend.

Perhaps the most burdensome aspect of dating is being rejected and also having to reject. Many work overtime to not lead on potential partners, because of the fear of having to turn them down. And experiencing a string of rejections can feel like a very black mark against your name. Taking on the mindset that you are getting to know each new person/date you meet as a friend can circumvent a good deal of this angst. Even if you don’t announce that this is your mindset, know in your own mind this is where you stand in these interactions. You don’t have to know right away how you feel about your new dates. You are free to take the time to get to know them in the same way you would a new friend. Work to have no expectations for yourself of knowing with certainty how you feel about someone or how they feel about you.

2. Multitask.

Singling in on one match too soon makes you vulnerable to putting that person on a pedestal, while ignoring all other potential suitors. And it means that if things don’t work out the way you wish, you will feel completely bereft. Remember, the dating world is not the commitment world. At this stage, you should date multiple people from various sources — dating apps, meeting through friends, through common activities or hobbies, playing coed sports, work, etc. You will catch a wider variety of fish if you vary where you fish. And that means you will be less likely to over-invest in one particular type.

3. Get a life.

If your entire life outside of work or school is checking your dating apps, then we have a problem. Work to build a rich life — close friendships, activities you enjoy, plans for travel, and goals to achieve. Build these activities and interactions into your week on a regular basis. Even when a potential date would like to meet up, honor your commitments to your life outside of your dating world. And remind yourself when you are lonely or wishing a date would contact you that there are other ways you can gain pleasure and connect with the world.

4. Take care of yourself.

Taking good care of yourself is attractive. Healthy others will sense that something is amiss if you are neglecting yourself and not attending to your needs. Failure to take good care of yourself can lead you into dysfunctional unions with unhealthy partners. Make your self-care a priority. Getting enough sleep, eating healthfully, and attending to your emotional and physical health on a routine basis will help you to feel strong and confident as you go through the dating process.

In my book Getting Close to Others, I offer specific strategies around growing your intimacy skills for dating and partnering.

More from Jill P. Weber Ph.D.
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