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YES!!! This is my child! It has been a battle and every year some of the same old battles re-surface and then comes some new ones. Some teachers are more helpful and some or more apprehensive to dealing with my child. I would not be giving my child meds if she settle and focus on her own. She is gifted, but the ADHD is a booger! I to want to throw in the towel, I know the difficulties in the classroom will come and go, but I will be my daughter's advocate even when I get to teach her in fifth grade next year. That will be interesting dynamics to say the least. LOL :) Don't give up!
Christopher Taibbi M.A.T.
Recently, I was asked to sit in on a child study meeting for one of the students I work with in the gifted program. For those of you who may not know, a child study meeting is one in which the parents of a child and a variety of professionals in the education field sit down together to discuss (and brainstorm solutions to) any troubles that the child may be having in school. Typically, these meetings grow out of behavior concerns: defiance issues, perhaps; attendance concerns, maybe; and, more typically, concerns about distraction or attention.
In cases where there is a clear and previous diagnosis of ADHD, the suggestions for assisting the child are fairly routine. The teacher might, for example, be sure to sit him away from distractions (out of the path of, say, the pencil sharpener or the water fountain); she might make sure that the child consults a “backpack checklist” to inventory what he’ll need in order to do his homework that night; she might try a behavior modification program that offers a reward of some kind if the child remembers to raise his hand before blurting out answers or if he asks permission before running off to the bathroom.
For those who are reading this column I suspect that, interested as you are in gifted education, it comes as no surprise that gifted students can also have distraction issues. Some may have an official ADD or ADHD diagnosis, yes, but many others may not—despite the fact that they may be equally affected, even in some cases debilitated, by the problems of chronic distractibility. The reason? Their intellectual gifts help them cope with it in ways that keep them a bit lower under the radar.
Take, for example, the gifted student’s ability to rapidly assimilate new information with less practice than his peers. This trait affords him the opportunity to miss his teacher’s review of two-digit multiplication three out of the four times because, the one time he did tune in, he got it. (In fact, because he often has a knowledge base that exceeds those of his chronological peers he may even have known the material already!)
When that child is at school, there are some things that the teacher can do to help, which is the reason why committees (such as our “child study”) meet together periodically to discuss, assess, and revise the progress of such distraction issues. But it is certainly fair to say that in these circumstances—whether or not there is a formal ADD/ADHD diagnosis—both parent and child are likely to continue to face hardships even after the school day has finished. The very real problems that these gifted children face—poor organizational skills, an inability to focus, perhaps even a long-suffering attitude about school in general—can turn completing a homework math worksheet into a battle for sanity. Here, then, are a few tips for parents who find themselves ready to throw in the towel with their distractible gifted child.
Limit distractions. Make homework time part of a larger predictable household routine, and make sure your child is equipped to succeed during that time. Pick a place to work with adequate light for reading. Gather all the supplies she will need for completing the assignment in advance and lay them out. If your child would like a glass of water to sip while she works, have it ready. Whenever you are having any discussions about school or schoolwork, be sure your child has the benefit of being able to hear you clearly; and make sure she is given the opportunity to share her own thoughts without others interrupting or competing for attention.
Consider the space. Many families use the kitchen table for homework. But is the TV on in the background? Are there lots of other family conversations going on around the child as dinner is prepared? If so, consider shifting to a different work place or moving the homework to a different time in the evening.
Avoid over-organization. Your child arrives home with a backpack full of wrinkled papers, unable to locate the week’s spelling list (or that critical permission slip that is “absolutely needed by tomorrow!”). The parent thinks, “Aha! We’ll set up a separate folder for each subject and have an extra one for teacher notes!” This is a common trap. The trouble for the highly unfocused child, who already struggles with organization, is that she has now been given the monumental challenge of becoming ultra-organized—a paradox if ever there was one. Find a happy medium. Maybe you’ll have three folders: one for office notes; one for completed homework to be turned in the next day; and a final one to be used for all papers given out in class, regardless of subject. At home, you can model how to move through and organize those folders for the next school day.
Stay positive and don’t lose your cool. Honestly, when your child has misplaced a paper for the hundredth time that week, or has quit working on her homework in favor of inspecting the contents under the couch cushions again, it’s hard not to blow your stack. But of all the suggestions you can heed, this is primary. Find ways to praise (“Hey, you’ve put your name on the paper! That’s a great start!”) and remain calm. Breathe deep, refocus your own energies, and remind yourself that this is better than getting into the ever-predictable power struggle that would inevitably occur otherwise.
Finally, ask for help and advice. Relatives, teachers, and fellow parents are the best sources of hints. Chances are pretty good that whatever you are experiencing, others have gone through it before. Benefit from their trials and tribulations! Talk it out, be flexible, try suggestions, and see what happens.
You’ve got three-quarters of the school year still to go, so take heart. That’s plenty of time for both of you to practice.
Your Turn: Do you have a gifted child that is highly distractible? Or were/are you, perhaps, one of those people? What strategies seem to work for you? Share your thoughts in the comments. We’d love to hear your ideas.
YES!!! This is my child! It
Submitted by Mom is also a TEACHER on October 21, 2012 - 1:55pm
YES!!! This is my child! It has been a battle and every year some of the same old battles re-surface and then comes some new ones. Some teachers are more helpful and some or more apprehensive to dealing with my child. I would not be giving my child meds if she settle and focus on her own. She is gifted, but the ADHD is a booger! I to want to throw in the towel, I know the difficulties in the classroom will come and go, but I will be my daughter's advocate even when I get to teach her in fifth grade next year. That will be interesting dynamics to say the least. LOL :) Don't give up!
FOCUS
Submitted by Kaye Wolf on October 22, 2012 - 7:27am
What worked for me: Writing the word "FOCUS" on huge letters. I put it in the front of my notebook and have a sign hanging on my wall near where I work. It's written in BIG BRIGHT RED letters.
When you I focus, I look at the sign. That works for me.
It's not us. It's THEM! It's all you "normal" slow people getting in our way, slowing us down. It's you slow-witted people who aren't distracted simply because you are too lazy (labels hurt, don't they?) to be distracted. (What were we talking about again?) Oh yeah ... so annoying when "experts" tell us ADHD (I -- mustn't forget the impulsiveness) people what we are thinking or feeling EXCEPT when they are right. Then they bring tears to our eyes.
KMR, Peace Advocate
High School Dropout (School is such the drag!)
BSEE/MSIA/MBA Carnegie Mellon University
MPA/DBA(abd) Harvard University
Former Navy Missile Engineer (rocket scientist!)
Chemist/ Musician/ Semi-pro Athlete/ Scout Mom/ Healer/ Pro Se Litigant/ Author/ Statistician/ Manufacturing Program Manager/ Marketing Manager/ Policy Analyst/ Author (who me -- distracted?)
Your Success gives us hope
Submitted by Anonymous on September 23, 2014 - 10:21am
While I will speak for my HIGHLY gifted son, and I am sure many can relate... to see my teen wanting to drop out of high school is so hard to imagine when he really was the next "Einstein". How could this happen? He was diagnosed with ADHD/anxiety as he CAN NOT DO HIS HOMEWORK (tried meds but made him mean)... (I will try to put focus on his wall).
I am trying to dig thorough your message and hold onto every word but need a little more explanation on what me, his mom "not gifted normal as you mention... person" should try to understand about him and the actions I should take coming from "You" a successful person who was able to break through this terrible disease.
FOCUS
Submitted by MT on September 16, 2016 - 4:35pm
Thank you! I have always felt that because I learn by doing and one child of mine is auditory another highly intelligent why should we change to be like the average. What's with the labels. Can't we just stop putting people in a box and be grateful for the contribution of the highly creative individuals!!
FOCUS
Submitted by Carissa D. Huffman on October 30, 2017 - 10:33am
My 8 year old is as described. He is also athletic. Lately, he is even having difficulty focusing on his beloved sport. He tells us he really wants to do this hockey thing at a high level. He works well for one particular coach, but not as well for others--the ones he needs to show that he can do this.
What helped you focus on your sport at a high level?
Many thanks!
And remove electronics....
Submitted by Adele on May 12, 2013 - 7:28am
Electronics are killer. Sitting with my son the this weekend going over a presentation he was going to make at school on Monday, his cell phone buzzed with incoming text messages about every minute and half. So we're back to taking away all electronics except for at specified times. Beware, too, of Facebook Messaging -- it may look like they're using the computer for homework, but those little messages keep popping up in the corner....
IVY league Gifted ADD
Submitted by GWStrategyCoach on September 11, 2013 - 10:32am
I have two ADD gifted children -- one just graduated from Johns Hopkins University, and has a great job in Digital Marketing in DC. The other is a senior at Harvard. One takes meds, the other doesn't. What worked best for us is to teach each one to advocate for themselves, understand how best they learn and work, and empower them to use their talents to their fullest and focus on the positive. Self-esteem is important to foster early on, as the tendency is to have very lo self-esteem due to teachers and others who don't understand their way of learning. ADD is a struggle, yet also a blessing in disguise. The ability to hyper-focus has served my children well, especially in college, where they have been able to concentrate on their chosen field. One went to a college (JHU) with an open curriculum, which has fewer requirements outside of the major. That worked for him as it enabled him to take what he is interested in.
For those of you with young children with ADD, follow your natural instincts as a parent and advocate for your child, teach them to self-advocate, and build their self-esteem. They will accomplish great things!
There are many ways to fit-in.
Submitted by Rick Purdy on March 14, 2014 - 9:55pm
As a child, I was gifted. I was hurt at three when my father decided that I was too young to learn Chess. Mom gave me a brownie with coffee ice cream. In school the reading teacher gave me a key to the attic. No food, but I could read several books daily. Happiness. Later my parents divorced, and Mom married a kind and gentle soul whose way of winning was a closed fist. Mom was there with baked goods.
Throughout life failure was met with food. Whatever is done, remember to teach the gifted how to deal with failure. Food is not the way. The smarter the kid, the more likely they will fail. And they will fail in ways their families will never know. No 10 year-old will ever take a college cheerleader to the Prom. But he will watch people as far beneath him as a baboon do it.
Thank you so much for that. I
Submitted by Kaye Wolf on March 15, 2014 - 11:32am
Thank you so much for that. I am over my initial anger of wanting to go find those two slugs posing as men who harmed you, but that ship has sailed. I hope you aren't angry with your mother. It sounds as though she loves you very much but may have been stifled herself as a child. I would bet that you inherited your intelligence from her but that she was raised in an environment where girls were not encouraged to be smart.
You are absolutely right about teaching gifted child how to deal with failure. We are good at success because we expect to succeed. The concept of failure! I don't even know what that means!
[When the doctors told us that our son had extensive brain damage over 75% of his brain, was blind, had premature lungs, a whole in his heart, and would be cerebral palsied, we did not believe him. Our son was walking by two, breathing room air by two, reading by 5, and was honored by the Scouts for saving a life at age 11. Genius does not easily accept failure and we don't understand why others do. That is not a bad thing, and don't let the 'normal people' convince you differently.]
Far too easily we turn to mind altering drugs, dangerous sex, or alcohol. My personal escape was gambling, something I was quite great at and actually enjoyed -- until two goons walked me out of a Tahoe casino in 1988 for winning too much money. [Great memories are sometimes made in failure.]
One of the books that helped me was "What Color is Your Parachute". That book made me realize that while I had strengths, I also had weaknesses ... and THAT IT WAS OKAY!
The best news for you -- genius is! We don't just peak in childhood. We can renew it when we choose. Your gifts are your gifts and you can choose to cultivate them right now and become as great as you wish. You no longer need a father-figure to encourage you or to work around. It took a lot of courage for you to share this to help others, which means you still care. Good luck.
Early stages
Submitted by Anonymous on October 28, 2013 - 3:58pm
I have a 1st grader who is so much like her mom (me) when it comes to school habits. Distracted by a hair clip, or that blank space on the wall that obviously needed more a touch more artwork, or that pesky lock of hair (oh look, they gave me scissors!). Brushing teeth can take 30 minutes, with a dry toothbrush, and sometimes just climbing the stairs is too much to ask. But ask me to draw my family, and I'll give you 20 drawings in 10 minutes. I can read 2nd grade books with hardly a question about it.
One thing her teacher is doing this year, is timing everything. Thankfully, she's awesome and dilligent about it. It's yielding some positive results. In just a couple of weeks, my girl is now setting personal goals and gets super excited when she hits the goal. This is a slow process, but I'm seeing some small improvements in school and at home. (Something my parents didn't do with me, but probably should have!)
I haven't had her tested for giftedness or ADD. She is smarter than many her age, for sure, and she's highly distractable. We can be in the middle of a conversation and "oh look! Squirrel!".
Talk to your kids like a grown up. They listen to you talk to other adults all the time - dood, they know what you're saying. They'll certainly let you know if they don't understand. You don't always need to use little baby words. (Just, of course, keep the swearing out! They pick that up too. If not in front of you, then they practice with their school friends.)
Talking may shed some light into what you can do to challenge them. Ask them what they find most boring, or exciting. Set goals and...the hardest part... Be Consistent!
I always had a hard time being distracted by sounds - or lack thereof. Too much quiet bothered me so much that I couldn't think, but music or the TV would distract me as well. Try putting on some nice instrumental music, or kid music that they know well enough they can mostly tune it out. Classical may be too much for some kids though. Keep an eye and ear out for what triggers their distractability.
The idea of setting goals is
Submitted by GWStrategyCoach on October 29, 2013 - 10:10am
The idea of setting goals is a good one. However I caution that this can be daunting to young children unless you can help them learn to break down a goal into very small units which allow them to experience success frequently along the way to the final goal. This technique can be used by anyone of any age throughout life. Building positivity and accomplishment into the journey has the added benefit of building self-esteem, confidence while moving towards the desired goal.
As to listening to music to focus... many with ADD benefit from what I call a 'sidebar' activity which allows them to better focus on the task at hand. For some this may be humming, doodling, shaking their foot, sitting n a yoga pose, etc. The trick is to find the sidebar that works for you and is not disruptive to others. I taught my young son to wiggles his toes inside his shoes while in church or school to dissipate some of that excess energy. For me, I generally stand or pace quietly while in business meetings... what works for you?
You all rock...thanks for
Submitted by Anonymous on November 29, 2013 - 8:48pm
You all rock...thanks for your very helpful comments. I thought my son was a very distracted gifted child...until my now 8-year old daughter came along - she puts him in the shade! It's driving me to, well, distraction! :S
Your Gifted Child
Submitted by Kaye Wolf on March 11, 2014 - 2:13pm
My first thought was, 'She must like brushing her teeth!' Perhaps the repetitive motion is comforting. Maybe she likes feeling her tongue and gums massaged. Perhaps she is like me and sometimes decides to focus on every single tooth and puts her energy in making sure every single tooth is clean. This too shall pass, and next month she may be obsessed with clean sinks.
Music is great! Violins and piano create one effect, horns another and drums yet another, so choose wisely.
Finally, tests are good, but observation over time and in multiple environments is better. Life is not a series of tests to be mastered one after another. Life is life. [I didn't learn that valuable lesson until I was in my forties, and then from my older Cousin Toby from Alabama. Such a wise woman!] Allow your child, gifted or not - to explore and enjoy the world, with safety in mind of course. Distracted children tend to be accident prone. Good luck.
I am a teacher of gifted
Submitted by Anonymous on December 4, 2013 - 6:42pm
I am a teacher of gifted students. I am the parent of a gifted child. I'm fully aware of gifted behaviors that look a lot like ADD, yet I find myself searching the Internet for gifted & ADD because my son has more homework than "every other kid in his grade level" because he is so "highly distracted that he gets nothing done in class" and winds up bringing it all home.
I'm frustrated, exhausted, and at a loss. I'm considering taking my son to a psychiatrist to see what I can do!
Exhale
Submitted by Kaye Wolf on March 11, 2014 - 2:33pm
Does your child have a IEP at school? It sounds like you should ask for one if he isn't getting his work done in class. The school has a responsibility to educate him, not just warehouse him. On the other hand, perhaps your child likes working at home more than in school. I used to bring home stacks of worksheets to work at home, where I would not be disturbed by the other students. [I have four older siblings, and they were more likely to drop off their homework than to interfere with me working.] In some environments, gifted students are ridiculed for enjoying their work or working differently.
Could you be sabotaging your duties as a parent due to your experiences as a teacher? instead of approaching your child as a teacher, imagine yourself as the most annoying child advocate/ parent you have ever encountered and harness the positive attributes of that parent. I suggest you meet with his teachers and set goals for him to complete so much of his work in class and so much at home, limiting his homework to no more than 2-hours. Depending on his personality, I would consider some transition time before he jumps into homework. Some kids like to jump right and and be done with it, but others prefer to wind down from school before tackling more lessons. Find what works and stick to it as closely as possible.
[I am not a psychiatrist, psychologist or social worker. I am trained in electrical engineering, statistics, management, and public policy. I used to be a missile engineer ('rocket scientist') which is considerably more straightforward than child rearing. I am presently working as a private attorney, fighting banks and judicial corruption across the country. Do not discourage your child from learning everything, but do encourage them to focus intently on whatever they are learning.]
add
Submitted by Sana Asad on August 28, 2014 - 4:32pm
I can totally relate to what you said,my daughte r too is so distracted by her environment that she brings all her class work home.Im frustrated and exhausted,at the verge of tears every time i sit down to get her homework done.The poor soul tries to concentrate,but its just not her fault.So what did the psychiatrist say?
Gifted to Distraction
Submitted by Judy on October 2, 2015 - 12:10pm
Thank you for sharing your experiences. My husband and I are both teachers, and we have a very precocious, highly gifted first grader. She is frequently and easily distracted. She gets caught up in her own thoughts, and doesn't notice visual or even verbal cues, like the rest of the class has moved on and is on the rug. and you're still unpacking your book bag ...(aka daydreaming about some big idea while NOT unpacking your book bag!) Her kindergarten teacher was convinced she had ADD. Thank goodness her pediatrician knew better, and we didn't end up medicating our precious child into a stupor!
She is brilliant and funny and delightful, and she needs time and space to BE those things! Sadly the typical public school curriculum has little if any room for that. She is in a "gifted program" at her school, but this consists of only an hour once a week with other gifted kids. Not much when you think of how many hours she sits in a classroom doing work that she mastered 3 to 4 years ago. She hates the tedious...handwriting may as well be water torture! Last year, a five minute homework assignment frequently took hours because she was so task avoidant it would take twenty minutes just to get her name on the paper! We've made slow and steady progress, but it has NOT been easy! Things we've found useful are small rewards, earned for completing things in a timely manner, also letting her "earn permission to day dream" ... ie: finish this worksheet (boring stuff), and you can spend ten minutes thinking or talking to me about whatever you'd like. Gradually the message is getting through. We've had to actively TEACH her that not everyone thinks the way she does. We've shown her that her ideas are terrific, but no one will listen to them if she doesn't show that she can do the "easy stuff" first. Her teacher this year has so far been far more open to working with her, and allowing her places to explore her ideas, and that is monumentally helpful! Best thing I can suggest is to make routines, and set expectations as clearly as possible, and be sure your child knows there will be time for what he/she considers important, and that you will listen to their ideas, just as soon as they get finished what must be done. Above all... LOVE THEM .. love them for who they are, and for who they are not and may never be able to become... they are your child, and it's the environment that you created for them that allowed them to cultivate their wonderful mind... now revel in it with them! Sure there are battles and frustrations, but there are infinite rewards to letting them soar to their highest potential!
Mommy, Teacher and Cheerleader -- love my gifted girl!
Gifted son
Submitted by Emily on August 31, 2016 - 2:14pm
Judy, I do not know where you are from but I have a highly gifted little man who just started 2nd grade, your story reminded me so much of him. I would love to talk to you sometime, I feel so alone at times with him. I feel like the pain in the but at the school because I am so on top of things and fight for him to have all that he deserves there. Please email me if you ever want to swap stories!
Late reply
Submitted by Judy on March 18, 2017 - 10:01am
Hello Emoly! I'm so sorry that I'm only now seeing your reply! Please feel free to PM me any time...I hope things are going well for you and your son! I can't post my email here, site won't allow it....but lol me up on Facebook, Judy Braverman in NJ
You're telling our story
Submitted by Brenda on January 21, 2017 - 2:03am
Judy, thank you. We have the same exact scenario regarding my 8 year old gifted grandson. He moved to another state in September and they don't even have a gifted & talented program at his new school. Teacher seems to not have a clue or the time to remind him to focus or to limit distractions. He actually failed math this marking period. He is in 2nd grade, it's baby work to him as he is can do multiplication with no problem yet he is still being taught addition & subtraction in school. He scored an 98 & 99 on the Terra Nova and they estimate that he is at least at a 5th grade level. Yet this teacher wants to fail him even though the ton of incomplete classwork is completed at home and returned. He must be zoning out during tests and not completing them. I'm so afraid she is going to fail him. We could home school him but I believe socialization with children is important as well. I'm at a loss as to how to help him when his school seems to be so clueless & unconcerned.
Loricorsmeier@fuse.net
Submitted by Lori on March 18, 2017 - 9:42am
Omg! My daughter is the same way, the only one with homework. She is one of the youngest in her class. I've known she was special since the day she was born. She has always needed stimulation. She does very well in school. If she gets anything wrong, it's usually because she didn't follow directions, or missed the directions, while the other kids heard them. She bores very easily. We are implementing all of these strategies that are listed in this article, and I just met with her teachers yesterday. They were very kind and helpful. We know that sleep is so important, but we are still fighting to get it because she is up all night dragging through her homework. Her teachers gave us permission to cut her off, get her to bed, then let them know the next day if homework had to be left incomplete. They also provided a schedule for us to keep a record of her time spent doing homework as a tool. We started using a timer in the bathroom for getting ready, and are just now starting to use it for homework time. I encourage my daughter to "ultrafocus" for 15 mins then break for 5. My plan is to gradually increase the time. I may even have to start with smaller increments. I have observed her focus for brief periods. I also have a conversation with her and ask her about her needs and how she feels about things. I try to find ways to help her with which we can both agree. Working harder on being calm, cool, and patient as I struggle to help her. Good luck!
Forgot to mention that I am
Submitted by Lori Corsmeier on March 18, 2017 - 10:09am
Forgot to mention that I am adding an additional outside enrichment activity for math, that she tried out and loved!!! She scored high in her testing years ago, but they would not advance her because she wasn't getting her work done. Then she became bored and hated math. She also agreed to a reading enrichment program this summer. It is for five Sunday afternoons for an hour and a half, with emphasis on focus, concentration, improving comprehension, reviewing texts, study habits, and speed reading. She enjoys reading, but of course she has no time for reading for pleasure. I'm hoping that these interventions will help increase her efficiency, confidence, and joy. Her school also provides 8th grade honor student tutors on Monday after school. She doesn't need the tutoring, but it provides her with homework assistance, as well as a little healthy peer pressure instead of her nagging parents hovering over her.
My 8yr old
Submitted by Elena on September 23, 2019 - 9:16am
Hi, my 8yr old is exactly the same. All his class work has to come home because he cannot finish it at school. I was wondering if you were able to find a way to help him? Any advice would help.
Thank you,
Elena
HS Teacher/Mom Seeks Help
Submitted by LaRona on January 29, 2014 - 11:24am
I just stumbled across this article after googling "distracted children" in desperation this morning. This is my eight year old daughter, a little child who has an amazing memory, but who struggles to focus in school, who has difficulty with paying attention, with organization. I have never thought of her as gifted because she is the epitome of "rabbit trailing" when it comes to conversations. I am ashamed to admit I have not considered ADD, though I can see how she has most of the symptoms. I have taught high school English for sixteen years; I have a masters degree in education, and yet, I do not know how to educate or help my own daughter. Can any of you help me? Please?
Start with your family
Submitted by NicoleB on January 29, 2014 - 1:47pm
Start with your family doctor. Explain EVERYTHING and talk with them.
Apologies for the late response here
Submitted by Christopher Taibbi M.A.T. on February 15, 2014 - 1:06pm
I trust that you have gotten some assistance from the other commenter(s) below. Hope all is well--or improving at the very least!
Help for Teacher/Mom of 8yr old
Submitted by GWStrategyCoach on January 29, 2014 - 2:06pm
First, get an evaluation from a qualified healthcare professional. This will help you determine if she has ADD or not or something else or a combination. I am a coach for ADD families and offer coaching remotely by phone. If you want to pursue that, please email me directly at gwilson@empowerment-strategies.com or call 302-234-0723.
Thank you! Thank you so much!
Submitted by LaRona on January 29, 2014 - 4:33pm
Thank you! Thank you so much!
Focusing When Told to Focus: How can It be Done?
Submitted by AnonymousHi on February 22, 2014 - 5:14pm
One thing that discourages me is that my classmates and teachers are always telling me to "focus", all the time, but how does the word "focus" help you actually do the action of focusing? Just nagging your student to focus all day long really doesn't work that well. Should it? Do I have a lack of enough motivation?
I'm an eighth grader, a former straight A student, but then I got low grades from many different reasons, none of them were due to lack of studying. Most if them were because I didn't fill out the morning work or didn't follow directions on projects so now I just have A's and B's. I am disorganized, some might say greatly, but hey, I know my stuff can be two places: either my desk or my backpack.
It's also really hard doing my work when everyone else is talking. How can you expect a student to be doing work while people are talking about interesting stuff? That's a silly question. I KNOW it's expected at my grade level, but I just don't see it as possible. I always want to know what's going on. I'm very interested and observed in things; I don't like calling that being "easily distracted".
Any tips on maybe motivation when someone tells you to focus? I will try to give the teacher my full attention, but then my mind wanders, especially when there's something moving outside my window seat. Usually, involving myself in whatever activity we're learning helps, (I'm told I'm a kinesthetic learner), but it's a little bit difficult to do that during a lecture.
Tips on Improving Your Performance in School
Submitted by Kaye Wolf on March 11, 2014 - 2:57pm
Eighth grade is such a tough time. It's good that you recognize that you need to develop better studying habits now. This will help you in high school and beyond.
Your story reminded me of ninth grade. My first interim report card, I had a 35 in Spanish. [I previously studied French but switched in 9th grade.] My mother visited my class, took a look around and said words of the effect of "What do you expect? She is seated by the window, in the back." Even through my highest degrees, I did best in the classes where I sat directly in front of the teacher and worst in the classes where I was invisible.
The first thing I would do is ask the teacher to move my chair away from the window, door, or aisle. The ideal seat for you is directly in front of the teacher. Ask your parent/caregiver and guidance counselor to support you. Explain that you are distracted by outside noises and your classmates. Be firm and polite. Express your concern over your grades slipping. Remind them that you have demonstrated the ability to get straight-A's.
The next thing I would do is talk to my peers (classmates). Describe your dilemma and tell them that you want to know all the juicy gossip and suggest a time where you meet and dish dirt. Set up two or three groups if you must, but your goal here is two-fold: (1) put them on notice that they are distracting you in class; (2) maintain your friendships so they don't sandbag your efforts.
Finally, don't feel that you are too old to use a daily checklist. My almost 16-year old has one. when I get overwhelmed, I use one. Adults use them regularly but call them 'To Do List'. Create a chart listing the tasks you should do every morning, afternoon, and evening. Post it in a convenient place. Use it for as long as it takes to became habit, but no less than 30-days. Please write back and let us know how you are doing. Good luck.
Any tips on maybe motivation
Submitted by AnonymousHi on February 22, 2014 - 5:18pm
Any tips on maybe motivation when someone tells you to focus? I will try to give the teacher my full attention, but then my mind wanders, especially when there's something moving outside my window seat. Usually, involving myself in whatever activity we're learning helps, (I'm told I'm a kinesthetic learner), but it's a little bit difficult to do that during a lecture.
Like during algebra, I'll blurt out the multiple answers to the problem my teacher is working on as she's going through the process. She'll tell me to stop talking over her, so I do, but then just zone out and miss when my teacher is teaching us new concepts.
I took notes in color. I'm
Submitted by Anonymous on February 22, 2014 - 10:21pm
I took notes in color. I'm NOT auditory, and that's the only way I could focus on my teacher, digest the material, and retain it.
I used different colors to keep myself from being bored, and for easy reference later - it was a huge help in college.
Tips for When told to focus
Submitted by GWStrategyCoach on February 24, 2014 - 11:41am
Being told to focus is an external cue to you that someones else is noticing that you are not fully engaged. Hearing those words however will not suddenly cause you to focus, but it does offer a cue to you to 'come back' to the conversation. When you hear that cue, be aware of what it is that was stealing your attention -- was it the guy mowing the lawn outside the window, the sudden outburst of a classmate, your empty stomach growling? awareness is the first step toward making a change. If the window offers too many distractions, sit with your back to it. Choose another seat or physically move your chair so your back is to it. As a student, you can approach the teacher before class and let them know you attend better when you are - fill in the blanks -- sitting in the first row, allowed to doodle/take notes, stand in the back of the class. Many people have a 'sidebar activity' which when doing this allows them to focus better, like doodling, listening to music, standing or pacing, whatever. Your job is to figure out what your sidebar is and let your teacher know, then maybe they will accommodate you. I have a college student client who sits in a yoga pose in the back of a classroom (unobtrusively) which allows her to focus on the professor's lecture. Once you know how you learn or work best, you can begin to ask others to accommodate that. Many teachers will respect your self-awareness. If you need to move around, how about wiggling your toes inside your shoes? No one will know and it may be enough to get you back on track. Blurting out answers? Try writing it down or raising your hand to contribute instead. I myself often take notes in a business meeting just to stay awake and focused, not because I need the notes. Find what works for you.
Wow! Thank you so much for
Submitted by AnonymousHi on February 24, 2014 - 4:49pm
Wow! Thank you so much for those suggestions!! All that time you spent doing that! You're awesome! I really, really appreciate it!!!
The sidebar activity sounds interesting, and I know mine has to do with moving around. I was assigned a seat in front of a guy who gets angry really easily and is distracted by the slightest sound. He will yell at me when I tap my pencil. All I want to do is move around. There's really no chance we can change seats for a while, either.
My teacher also gets frustrated with me. I get out of my seat and forget to ask her, and she's also distressed by my backpack because it takes me a through-search of it to find the homework the class is going over. I'm actually doing a deal with my best friend, though. She is going to organize my backpack and my binder (she's the smartest in our school and enjoys organizing), and we are going to go the gas station near her piano practice tomorrow, and I'm going to buy her candy as a thank you. I tried pursuading her to allow me to pay her, but she said friends don't own each other anything. :)
My teacher says that my moving around, talking, and tapping distract other people and that I really should not do those things. I really don't want to distract other people like the guy I sit in front of; I really feel bad, but I also really want to move around. Do you know a way I could move somehow to something like a constant beat? I love tapping my pencil and hearing the constant sound of
It discourages me that none of my classmates have these problems and just constantly bug me to "Stop!" But it also encourages me that there's other people in the world who have the same problems and know tricks to help. I really thank you for all you've done, StragetyCoach.
BTW, Taking notes in colors have helped in certain classes/groups. It makes it more fun instead of boring, old black.
Definitely ask your teacher
Submitted by GWStrategyCoach on February 24, 2014 - 5:43pm
Definitely ask your teacher to reassign your seat so that you are not in front of someone else who is easily distracted. Tapping a pencil can disrupt someone else's attention, so here's a few suggestions... handle a rubbing stone, squeeze a stress ball, grip some silly putty, all quiet things that allow you to move a little, yet unobtrusively. If you like to draw, try drawing a picture related to the class topic... For the constant beat, see if your teacher will allow you to wear headphones, and if so, put something together in a playlist on itunes or Pandora channel and listen to that. Otherwise, if they let you carry your cellphone, there are apps that can send you reminders periodically, and if you put your phone on vibrate mode you will 'feel' the beat. This is great for college students but not always permitted in high schools, unless you have an IEP or already get accommodations, you could ask your guidance counselor to help facilitate this with your teachers. Or, see if your medical doctor will write a note to the school to request this for you.
Thanks for the comments!
Submitted by Christopher Taibbi M.A.T. on March 10, 2014 - 4:02pm
It seems clear based on what I read that your taking the time to give such thoughtful responses was indeed helpful. I wish you much success in what you do. Thanks for the input.
Other ways
Submitted by Kaye Wolf on March 11, 2014 - 3:06pm
I also like to do isometric exercises when I am forced to sit in meetings or through long court proceedings. It's easy, but you should check with your doctor if you have a history of heart disease in your family. You can also practice deep breathing techniques. Your lungs will thank you.
UPDATE - Thanks everyone!
Submitted by AnonymousHi on March 11, 2014 - 7:26pm
UPDATE: Thank you for your responses. I really have appreciated it. We did move seats in my classroom, and I was moved to the back, which sounds just about the worst possible thing to ever let me do, but let me explain. Right now, I’m in a private school. Next year, I’m going to public school where there’ll be 20-30 kids in the class and 6 hours of instruction time everyday. Right now, though, there are eight people in our class, so four on one side and four on the other. So, only three people are in front of me, and the teacher’s desk (excluding math) is directly behind me – so really I’m closer to the teacher. I’m more involved in the lessons because of that and found to really enjoy my teacher. Before, I was just in the corner beside the the window an inch away from someone else and my teacher would get irritable at me because everyone was around me and complaining I was distracting them. I was in the tightest space where there was absolutely no room for fidgeting, and when I did have to stop fidgeting, it felt as if someone tying my hands behind my back and I would just give up on focusing. The back of our classroom has the most room so I can move around as much as I want, which has really improved my focus. My teachers are all happier except my math teacher, who does lectures and I really don’t listen to them sometimes. I still get the concept and have high grades; just the explanation of the problem is lengthy and dreading.
Next year, I’m going to make sure to talk to my teachers and guidance counselor to get in the front because as you may know, the classroom I will be in will be….very distracting….so sitting in front will be important. I think you chose your seats at my high school, so I could just make sure to get to class early.
The isometric exercises sound fun and very helpful. I’ve found myself tensing my body really hard to keep all the energy in class before and when bored, will sometimes stretch my legs so they’re flat against the desk and lean over and try to touch my toes. I’m going to research more. Deep breathing has something I’ve learned (I had a few anxiety fears when I was little) but always forget to do, but I have found it as helpful, too. Also, a stress ball is really helpful. Today, the career speaker gave us stress balls and I got mine first and immediately started observing and squeezing it – I didn’t know it was a stress ball because it was in the form of a microscope and my teacher mentioned to me – “Now you have a stress ball“ and seemed pleased. She knows movement helps me.
Sorry this is so long. I though you all made such an effort to respond to me, it is a must that I should show great respect for all of you. All of you have been amazing, and I really have appreciated it. Thank you again! I really can't thank you enough! :)
what more can i do ?
Submitted by DeKomP on September 15, 2014 - 6:51am
i am a foster parent with a child who is classed as gifted , but how can i put this ( not very nice ) she can be to begin with but soon tires of people ,she will very quickly access their capabilities and soon starts to dominate conversations and situations . she is friendless because of this yet she herself cannot see the problem. undoubtedly she is very bright and she excels at everything she does ,but the problem being she is so confident every instruction is seen as a debate and she is getting worse how can we help her?
Your Gifted Child
Submitted by Karen Rozier on September 17, 2014 - 10:43am
I was thinking Impulsive as well. Impulsive children lack that pause between "think" and "do". Social skills classes are ideal. Manners classes as well. I was blessed with a mother who forced all of her daughters to attend Charm School, though it didn't stick with me. I used to believe that charming was for people who couldn't persuade folks with facts and figures.
I'd also recommend public speaking for her. Since she likes being in charge, put her to the test. Instead of trying to clip her wings so she can fit in with her age group, I would let her fly to find her peers.
re: what more can I do
Submitted by G. Wilson on September 15, 2014 - 11:54am
Your gifted foster child may benefit from self-esteem building. Although he/she is gifted, the domination of conversations may be due to a need for self-validation, or due to impulsivity. Social skills training and your efforts to boost his/her self-esteem will go a long way.
it's a very difficult journey
Submitted by jane on February 7, 2015 - 6:50pm
it's a very difficult journey. my son had gone through all these plus bullying from the teacher and classmate.
finally, I gave up. at last year of his high school, he was kicked out because we refuse to give him medication of ADHD.
I find a way sent him to uni, not a perfect one but he can be safe there. with faster pace class structure and more class choices. he is flourish. got distinction gpa average at the end of the year. He tried to transfer to his ideal degree.
HE GOT ACCEPTED! THE BEST LAW SCHOOL IN THE COUNTRY. HARDEST DEGREE YOU CAN GET.
Things won't always be bad. Stay there for him. trust him, he will turn out good.
Attention Problems or Just Plain Bored
Submitted by A.O. on March 28, 2015 - 8:45pm
I have a son in kindergarten. He is able to do 2-digit addition and subtraction mentally. Able to read number in the millions. Is able to apply math in many ways during everyday conversations. Is able to take on 3 & 4 digit numbers for fun while doing trivia games while we are driving in the car. He has even added numbers in thousands. I Am Not Bragging! This is an issue of a bright 5 year old child suffering in kindergarten doing math problems that look like 2 + 3 = 5 in January! I visited his class for the day. He is well-behaved. But was he quietly distracted? Yes. Was he quietly sitting and not listening? Yep. All of the above. We are our children's biggest advocates. Some teachers are not experienced with the age or receptive to what parents have to say. So, the kid has to sit in class quietly and do work that is too easy for them. I am getting my son tested by an educational psychologist experienced in testing young gifted children so that I have help advocating for my child getting the differentiation he needs in the classroom. On top of that, in the beginning of the year he was reprimanded for showing off. Therefore, your child shouldn't show that he thinks it's easy. The rule is "be quiet and deal with it." and sadly he does. Day after day. And by no means get restless and move around too much! Obviously, there are many different types of kids. Medication? How would you feel sitting for 6 hours bored every day?
adhd or gifted
Submitted by andrea on April 24, 2015 - 10:15am
My son age 7 is told he is a constant distraction to others but what if he can't control this and infact others are the distraction for him?? He is impulsive when comes to shouting out and shows impulsive behaviour when out and about if excited otherwise he is a very relaxed easy going kid who's quite tolerant. At home he is fine, lazy, eats well, sleeps well, has obsessesive behaviour when gets a new interest (normally technology or music) He can throw odd tantrum and doesn't always listen to my reasoning 1st time but soon settles and is good at taking himself off to sulk (although this has been seen as naughty in school coz went and hid in cloakroom when got frustrated) I've been told he fidgets at school but they won't let him have a stress ball coz he will just 'mess with it' their words. He's forgetful with school work so I asked for a dairy so that I could write in it but teachers words 'well he doesn't give me it' yes coz he's forgetful you should ask. I'm so frustrated. The only good thing they have done is put him on a laptop to do long written work. They constantly complain about him but I'm not there to help him in school, offerd but nothing!! He is also a major talker and questions everything. He is bright and mostly in top sets. Can be quite defiant but again this is only when so ingrossed in something. I'm just worried about the lack of interest in school, he moans every morning without fail and has constant tummy ache : (
We've been visited 3
Submitted by jane on May 2, 2015 - 9:28am
We've been visited 3 different psychologist . By their opinion, there is one thing I'm very certain of. For ADD of ADHD, it is a illness and will not go on and off in a day.
Distractable Teen
Submitted by Chana Johnson on May 8, 2015 - 9:29am
My son, who will be 17 this month, is highly distractable, according to his pediatrician. Over the years, we've had him tested on 3 separate occasions for ADHD and it's always come up negative. But he has such a hard time focusing. When he was in school, I know he "got by" because he learned so quickly- like the posted described above about how they're under the radar. He's been homeschooled since midway through 4th grade, because the school "didn't have the resources to accomodate him at his level of ability" and suggested that I put him on meds so that he would 'focus' on material that they admitted was too easy for him and likely boring, but "we all have to pay attention to things that we don't like sometimes, and I don't have the time to find things that are 'just right' for him- he needs to focus on this". Plus many other things that were said, and since I am a former teacher, I'm aware of the implication. Fast forward 8 years, and we're still homeschooling. He's going into 12 grade in the fall, but with one more semester of community college classes (he started last fall) he will have completed his high school requirements. Thing is, he's still struggling with the distractability, and I'm worried for when he actually goes off to college. This year, he struggled tremendously with geometry, because while he learn quickly, it's just a subject you can't mostly master in your head- plus his tests were a few weeks apart, and he couldn't "hold on" to the information for that long, if that makes sense. He'd learn it in class, and then tune out. If she tested every class he'd have done stellar, but every other week is killing him, plus she always wants to "see their work" and quite honestly, I've seen him sit there and stare at the problem, think it through, and write down a correct answer! He really isn't "doing" any work! But she refuses to believe that, so he's being penalized for not showing work and his grades are suffering.
My degree is in physics, and I minored in math and chemistry, so I am fully aware of how geometry normally works, but he just doesn't work that way.
Anyhow, I am still having trouble getting him to be less distracted when he's working, and in choosing to be more proactive about his time/space (stopping activities when it's time to work, working in quiet places instead of busy ones, etc.) because I'm running with the other 3 kids, so when he should be here in a quiet house working, he's doing other things and I'm not here to stop him.
Any tips for how to get a 17 year old to be less distracted? A lot of the tips for children just don't apply. Incidentally, he's not a distracted driver at all- quite the opposite. He's also a police explorer and a volunteer firefighter.
Distracted in class
Submitted by Zaazhie's advocate-mom on August 22, 2015 - 3:44am
I can relate to many of the comments, frustrations and challenges shared by all here. My 7 year old daughter (Z) is on gr-1 and distraction in class, not completing tasks in allotted time and walking around in class is the most frequent complaint I get.. Yet she knows the work. Teacher responses are also different. Her current teacher shows frustration, (Mrs H) yells a lot and quite frankly I don't think is very interested. While she was on maternity leave the teacher (Ms A) who took her class achieved far more positive results because of her approach. Ie. She realized my daughter walks around as she keeps wanting to go show or ask her friend something... Instead of separating the two girls as the other teacher had, she seated the friend in front of my daughter.. The walking around stopped immediately and more focus was achieved in class work and on most days all work was completed in time allotted. On other days however, the battle to get the work completed existed and at the end of the lesson, Ms A would ask Z to remain behind during break. She said she noticed if she yelled at Z the response was defiance and she got nothing out of her. The same happened if she belittled Z in front of class. She decided to keep Z behind in break if she needed encouragement or talking to and would show kindness in the way she spoke and spdealt with her.. The response was immediately different and Z would happily finish off the work she had not done in class during her break. Mrs A says she could spend the whole day with Z.. She is smart and interested in so much, and Z has no problem getting her work done if she says and does it in break time, but when the rest of the students are in the class, she battles to focus and is easily distracted... And does not always complete the task.. Not because she does not know the work. Now Mrs H is back from maternity and on her first day back she has again placed the two friends at opposite sides of the class.. And she has mailed me asking me to discuss importance of completing work in class with Z as she took 1.5hr to do 3 sums which she would normally do in less than a minute.. And took 1-hr to write 2 sentences... At home this wouldn't even take her 5min. Oh.. And she continues yelling at the whole class.. Not just at Z. I have also been summoned to a meeting at the school next week with school s educational psychologist, school disciplinarian, Mrs H and Ms A. The only one of the three that I have any confidence in is Ms A. The school disciplinarian has proved to be a bully, belittling Z over and again in front of the entire class.. Instead of meetin with her and Mrs H during break to discuss any issues. He also had the prefects report anything Z did during break and I soon discovered that where an incident was reported, only Z wa named.. Not the other children and on certain instances Z had responded to actions of others.. Ie 2 boys in her grade had kicked her so hard,, she retaliated by hitting the one boy.. Only she hit the wrong child. ONLY Z action was noted and reported. When I found out what really happened as Z is not in habit of hitting out so I knew something major had brought this on.. I suggested to Mrs H that before she raise any incident with me, it would be best that all circumstances surrounding the incident be fully investigated.. Once she did this, Z's was no longer reported for incidents as she realized there were events preceeding any response from Z. Must say I was pretty desperate as all I was getting was complaints and I know my child.. Know how she will challenge boundaries with me and at times incidents reported at school were totally inconsistent.. One day earlier this year.. On receiving another complaint and email from Mrs H, I yelled at Z in frustration... Asking why I must continually receive such reports.. Why she could not just sit and get her work done.. Why she has to keep walking in class... Etc.. Her response was she can't help it.. Eventually she curled herself in a fetal position on the car seat and crying said. " I am just a little girl". This shook me and I realized we demand so much from our children and sometime we forget they are so vunerable, easily hurt, and impressionable. I told Mrs H from that point on that she needed to readdress her approach and only contact me with regards severe issues. That she needed to deal with her class issues and find a way that will work.. She is the head of department and has the expertise..and needs to get to know my child and how to best get the results required from her. Sorry that this is all taking so long but during the first quarter of this year... Before Mrs H went on maternity.. One evening, because she was always getting into trouble at school, Z said she wishes she was not born. I asked how and why she could say something like that and she said she is always getting into trouble and making people cross and if she was not born this would not happen... HOw can a 7-year old feel such sentiment.. I was crushed, told her I am so glad she was birn. That God created her perfect and just because others don't see and know her as I do, should not ever make her think something like this. I have not had her assessed for Add or ADHD.. Think she may be on Add spectrum.. OT that assessed her last year said she has low muscle tone and is sensory seeker. Educational assessment I had done when she was 5 placed Z in HighlySuperior category but noted auditory weakness.. Not in hearing, but in following instruction. Suggestion was to encourage the auditory with auditory CD stories and making sure I have her focus when giving instruction so she knows what is asked and follows instruction.. But school is not interested in her scoring.. Says they don't want to hear she may not be stimulated.. What to do?? How to bring about a happier solution and to help Z... I would love to have some positive constructive input.. Got to bridle my tongue for the meeting on Thirsday.. Would love to have someone experienced in gifted education and associated difficulties accompany me to this meeting.
i need help i don't know what to do with my son.
Submitted by Edna on September 8, 2015 - 6:21pm
i need help ...my son gets distracted so much in school...teachers get annoyed easily i can tell. He gets good grades he loves reading he does his homework as soon as he gets from school but i have to tell him to do his homework. I moved him toanother school because in his past school he would get bullied by staff and classmates. ...he is a smart boy ...i.don't say it because he is my son but because i see he is good. But now at this new school his teachers tell me he wanders too much ...he takes forever to write something dur to the distraction. Any advice? please and thank you
Coffee?
Submitted by NATHALIE on November 6, 2017 - 7:33am
Just found this forum and feel I am reading about our daily life...I have noticed that coffee (half a cup in the morning) helps our 11 year old son cope better with the day (mood, focus etc.). Has anyone observed the benefit of coffee on ADD/Gifted children. Just wondering if we should continue with it. Tx!
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