Discover Slow Sex
Our culture is all about speed, which has affected our sex lives.
Posted Jun 12, 2010
I don’t understand how I run into the most random people who lead me to even more randomness.
I took my single friend to a temple dinner near my apartment. Of course, she motioned me to sit near a cute single guy to my right. I insisted she take the seat instead (her being the single one), but she refused.
So, ever compliant, I started chatting the guy up. I asked him where he was from, and what he does. Next thing I knew, he and I were talking about orgasms. And before I could connect the dots of conversation leading us to this topic, he told me his sister is part of a “slow sex” community that teaches women various “O-finding” techniques.
I was fairly convinced my temple talk would score me a warm seat in Hell. Especially for carrying on the conversation while the young rabbi hopped around the room with a mic in hand, getting people to sing along to the prayers.
Temple Guy mentioned that the orgasm group is called OneTaste. I made a mental note, and e-mailed the group’s instructor Rachel Chewitz the following day.
Turns out, Cherwitz lives in San Francisco but would be heading to New York the next week. It was meant to be! We planned a meeting.
I brought my friend, and we both booked 30 minute sessions with her. My friend went first, and by the time I interrupted their talk, I saw a credit card transaction going down. “Wow, she must be good,” I thought! I secretly wondered if my friend already had an orgasm of some kind.
Then it was my turn. I explained what had happened at temple and how I was curious about slow sex. I’m all about self-improvement, and who’s to say I can’t improve on the intimacy front?
Okay, what I really said was, “Break it down sister: Exactly how do women have orgasms from this method? I want details.”
Here’s how she explained it:
There’s an entire “slow movement” that includes slow food, slow sex, slow parenting, slow traveling, etc. But our culture is all about speed — we need to do it faster and shorter. We have a finish-line mentality that keeps us from the journey. Nowhere is this more obvious than in our sex lives. Slow sex is the opposite of sex being harder, stronger, and faster. It shows you how to get deeper, more connected, and more intimate.
Nicole Daedon had a meditation practice, but realized she was living without discovering her sexuality. So she checked into a zen center, where she was told she couldn’t leave anything behind. She knew sexuality had to be part of her practice. She spent the next 15 years researching what would become the OneTaste method: adding mindfulness to sex and increasing a couples’conscious connection to sexuality in a slow, sustainable way.
What We All Want
OneTaste teaches people how to have a healthy and whole sex life. Sex is used as a doorway into the deeper things people want. “We all want to love and be loved,” Cherwitz told me; “see and be seen, we want to know our purpose, and we want to feel connected. When you open the door to sexuality, you begin to learn things about yourself you didn’t know were there.”
Practicing Mindfulness in Bed
OneTaste introduces the philosophy of mindfulness in sexuality. Some people already have a mindful practice, like meditation, or do chi-gong. What is mindfulness? It’s being with what is. It’s not putting an interpretation on it; it’s allowing yourself to be present, and allowing things to unfold moment by moment.