7 Warning Signs of Abuse in a Relationship

Source: Engin_Akyurt/Pixabay

People often wonder why victims of abuse stay with those who mistreat them or go back after having finally left them. Or why the victims defend and protect their abuser, blaming themselves instead.

The reality is that leaving abusive partners can be exceptionally difficult. Potential reasons include:

• Fear of their romantic partner’s violent response to them leaving (e.g., revenge).
• Financial dependence on the abuser.
• Shame and low self-esteem (e.g., due to exposure to constant put-downs and insults).
• Wanting to stay together for the sake of the children.
• Lack of support from friends and family.
• Cultural factors (e.g., stigma associated with divorce).
• Hoping their partner will change.

Because of these and other obstacles to leaving an abusive relationship, it is important to identify warning signs of abuse early, long before one has become overly invested in the relationship (e.g., before having a child together).

Well-known abuse red flags consist of coercive, controlling, and manipulative behaviors, such as put-downs, gaslighting, and stalking. But could more innocuous behaviors also predict future violence?

The answer is yes, at least according to a recent study by Charlot and colleagues, in press in Social Psychological and Personality Science. The paper identified seven behaviors that serve as warning signs and red flags for partner violence. This is the first study to identify behaviors that “prospectively predict abuse.”

Investigating warnings signs of future domestic violence

The research employed both cross-sectional and longitudinal designs to predict physical abuse, psychological abuse, and sexual abuse in an online and college sample.

Samples and methods

Study 1: 147 individuals; 56% White; 58% women; average age of 24.

Study 2: 355 individuals; 47% White; 74% women; average age of 22.

In the first investigation, participants were asked to indicate the frequency of abusive and non-abusive behaviors in their romantic relationships. In the second study, participants were asked about abusive behaviors again six months later.

Results

Study 1: A list of 17 predictors accounted for 61% of the variance in abuse. Of these, 16 were warning signs, whereas one predictor was protective. That protective predictor was: “My partner valued my abilities and opinions.”

All in all, the investigation “identified warning signs and protective factors accounting for 60.89%, 31.75%, 73.06%, and 47.42% of the variance in overall, physical, psychological, and sexual abuse, respectively.”

Study 2: The second investigation examined whether the number of warning signs and their frequency could predict future abuse. It found “warning signs that prospectively predicted overall, physical, psychological, and sexual abuse occurring 6 months later, explaining 54.45%, 22.86%, 55.15%, and 45.54% of the variance, respectively.”

The 7 predictors of abuse in romantic relationships

Of the red flags examined, seven were found to predict abuse in both studies:

1. My partner acted arrogant or entitled.
2. My partner and I disagreed about something sexual.
3. My partner and I had sex, even though I was not in the mood.
4. My partner created an uncomfortable situation in public.
5. My partner disregarded my reasoning or logic because it did not agree with theirs.
6. My partner reacted negatively when I said no to something they wanted.
7. My partner resented being questioned about how they treat me.

Note that predicting future violence depended not only on the number of warning signs but also on their frequency. For instance, frequent disagreements about sexual issues appeared more predictive of abuse than did occasional disagreements.

More research is needed to validate the findings of this study in larger and more diverse populations.

Relationships Essential Reads

Why You Keep Going Back to Your Ex

4 Simple Words That Can Quickly Improve Your Relationship

Nevertheless, for individuals starting new romantic relationships with partners who show controlling behaviors—including any of these seven red flags—it might be helpful to see a couples counselor or marriage therapist.

Facebook image: Hryshchyshen Serhii/Shutterstock