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Don't Bury Your Feelings

Being in touch with your emotions will make you a better person.

Being in touch with your feelings will make you a better person, as well as a better parent and partner. Being true to your emotions can’t help but make you feel better about yourself, for you’re able to be authentic.

When we choose to bury our feelings, we act differently. We may not make ourselves available to others and may withdraw, or just not fully engage when we do spend time with other people. At other times, we can react inappropriately because our emotions are pulling us in a different direction from where we really want or need to go. When you express how you really feel (in an appropriate manner), problems get solved, relationship issues get resolved, and life is easier. In addition, you will like your life better because you’re not holding on to unhealed or confusing feelings.

Sometimes you have to hold back speaking your truth because the situation requires that you do so. For example, if there are other people (especially children) in the room, or you’re coming from a place of anger, check to make sure you’re speaking in a tone that won’t offend or upset those around you. The purpose of expressing your emotions is to convey your true feelings, and to be open and honest, not to embarrass or blast another human being.

Other times we need to express our pain and sadness, but many people are afraid to do so because they fear that once they get started, they may not be able to stop. This is a common misconception, for depressing thoughts can distort your thinking, and it’s hard to perceive the world correctly during those times. The truth is that by letting the tears flow, you are letting out what hurts while making more room in your heart for positive thoughts and feelings. Expressing your pain is actually a good way to make it stop.

Most of us are far better at talking about what we don’t like than about what we enjoy or what touches us deeply. Take the time to tell someone who has made your life a little better that they have done so, and you will also feel better for having said it. Do your best to spend at least as much energy expressing your positive feelings as you do the negative ones. Once you create an emotional balance, your life will start to make more sense.

Ultimately, we all want to experience and share the good stuff more than the toxic stuff that course through our days, but it can take a while to develop the habit. It’s not as much about practicing as it is about how you come across and what it feels like when you say what’s truly going on inside your head.

When you open your mouth, you are also opening your heart, and knowing that someone truly hears what you are feeling and understands you is soothing to your soul.

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More from Barton Goldsmith Ph.D.
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