Verified by 
Have you ever really thought about the strength of kindness? I used to think that to be kind was to be weak, to be a pushover, and to get taken advantage of. I am from the Middle East and kindness is not respected where I come from; it's viewed as a weakness. I did not understand how to build kindness—until I conducted a study about what makes people wise.
I was truly surprised to discover the importance of kindness while working on The Wisdom Research Project. After interviewing 60 wise adults between the ages 50 and 79 across North America, I concluded that wisdom is the combination of these eight elements (listed in order from most important to least):
- Resilience
- Kindness
- Positivity
- Spirituality
- Humility
- Tolerance
- Creativity
- Curiosity
Kindness was the second most important element, which made me take a much closer look at it. Drawing on both everyday examples from my interviewees as well as key insights from historical figures—as the Buddha stated, “When words are both true and kind, they can change the world”—my research has led me to these six conclusions about kindness:
1. Kindness is strength
Unlike what I had believed my entire life up to this point, being kind is showing strength. A kind person is confident and secure in who they are and what they represent to the world. They do not need to be unkind. In fact, their message is more effective if it comes from a place of kindness, a place of peace and calm.
2. Kindness is easy
It does not take a lot of energy to be kind, but your actions can have far-reaching implications. It can be as simple as the way you hold yourself, smile, and speak in a loving tone. When interacting with others, give them a simple compliment. That will relay to them that they are noticed and appreciated.
3. Kindness affects everyone
It is often said that a giver feels more reward than the receiver. This can apply to almost any situation, whether it be material goods (for example, baking brownies and giving them away) or nonphysical (such as offering support or advice). The person being kind is rewarded with positive endorphins and a sense of peace and happiness.
On the other side, the person receiving kindness feels heard and respected—something we all want. Think back at your life, you remember your feelings more than the details. Feelings are powerful. We all remember how a person makes you feel more than what they do. As Mark Twain once said, “Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”
For example, Richard was one of our interviewees who recognized the importance of kindness. He chose to leave his law profession and become a chaplain to hospice patients who have a terminal illness. Richard now lives a life of purpose and meaning as he spreads kindness to those in need.
4. Kindness starts with loving yourself
Your kindness to others starts with being kind to yourself. It can be in the form of self-care or more simple “down time” which involves doing nothing productive. Whatever it is, it is a time that you honor, love, and respect yourself. By doing so, you can do the same for others. Caring for yourself is not selfish, it’s necessary. It’s like sleeping, it is important for your well-being.
5. Kindness is strengthened by forgiveness
By forgiving others, it is a powerful tool that is the foundation of healing and can help increase one’s kindness. Forgiveness is not about forgetting what happened or trying to understand why it happened. It is about you. It’s about no longer letting the hurtful incident impact you in a significant way. You deserve to be happy and not carry the pain with you. Forgiveness allows us to release the hurt and move forward. It allows us to be kind.
6. Kindness is in your words
When interacting with others, think about how to include kindness in your words. Before you say anything, think and incorporate kindness into it. You can be firm, but be kind. Think about how your communication can come from you and not your emotions. Remember that as the Bible says, “The tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do.”
Because words really matter, avoid negative words, and instead think about how you can be more kind to others. For example, Rabbi Adam was another one of our interviewees. He shared an inspiring story. Rabbi Adam was bullied as a child for being slightly chubby. As a result, he now makes sure to direct his congregation to incorporate kind thoughts and acts. His weekly sermons are filled with light and motivation. His difficult childhood experience has made teaching kindness his priority.
Kindness is an important part of being human. We feel better when we are surrounded by kindness. We gravitate toward kind people. Although difficult, its very important to remain kind when others are not. Take the high road and remember what Martin Luther King Junior said, “Let no man pull you so low as to hate him.”
I summarize my study results in my book Common Wisdom.
Facebook image: Drazen Zigic/Shutterstock
