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You might wonder why I am writing about parent wellness in a college wellness blog. What does your well-being have to do with your college student? You may assume your college student does not give you a second thought, especially when they seem to screen out 99 percent of what you say to them.
I have a secret: College students think about their parents often and are impacted by their wellness. As a psychiatrist working at a college counseling center for over twenty years, I have heard the large majority of my patients describe feeling stressed out when their parents experience problems.
“My parents argue all the time when I go home. I’m worried they’re going to get divorced.”
“My father is very overweight and has high blood pressure. I’m afraid he will have a heart attack if he doesn’t take better care of himself.”
“My mother seems really depressed. She recently lost her job and is having trouble finding a new one.”
Family problems have been traumatic or very difficult to handle in the last year for nearly one of three college students, according to the fall 2017 American College Health Association survey. I have seen instances where worries about family members distract students from their academic goals or exacerbate symptoms of depression and anxiety.
What can parents do to take better care of themselves so that their college students can focus on their own wellness and academics? While we cannot promise our children that our lives will be problem free, we can make efforts to enhance our wellness. With our children away at college, we have more opportunities to improve our physical, emotional, social, and financial health.
1. Physical
Exercise. While we raised our children, ensuring they got to soccer or tennis practice, we may have had little time for our own physical activity. Now that we are entering middle age, it is critical to start moving. There is a wide body of evidence showing that exercise reduces the risk of heart disease, dementia, and depression. Try out a free online yoga, walking, or fitness app. Go with a friend to a spin or Zumba class. Discover what you enjoy.
Eat healthfully. That’s easy to say, but what does that mean in a world filled with a cornucopia of diets that promise health and longevity? Start by asking your physician what eating style might work best for you. The Mediterranean diet is what I recommend to my patients since it has been shown to have both cardiovascular and mood enhancing benefits. This diet is rich in fruits, vegetables, olive oil, whole grains, lean meats, and fish.
2. Emotional
Find your passions. While nurturing your child’s emotional growth, you may have set aside activities that nurtured your own. Return to what you love or find a new activity. I pursued my passion for writing once my youngest went to college. I have friends who have followed new and more rewarding career paths, mentored high school students from low-income families, or taken up gardening. You can start a journey of self-discovery in parallel with your college student.
Address your own mental health issues. Are you experiencing symptoms of depression, anxiety, or substance abuse but feel uncomfortable seeking help? You can be a role model for your child in self-care and also reduce their stress by taking care of yourself. Start by seeing a counselor who can do psychotherapy targeted to your particular issue. Schedule an appointment with your primary care provider, as sometimes undiagnosed medical problems like hypothyroidism can make us feel tired or sad. If therapy does not fully address your problems, you can see a psychiatrist and consider taking medication.
3. Social
Nurture and grow your friendships. Sometimes as we raise children, we pay less attention to our friendships. It’s now time to nurture and grow these relationships. What kinds of activities have you missed doing with your friends that you can now resume? I participate in two book clubs in which we talk about much more than books. Meet with friends weekly for coffee or reconnect with your freshman roommate on Facebook.
Strengthen your relationship with your partner. Where have you wanted to travel with your spouse but could not because of your children’s activities? Plan a trip together. Whether you go to a national park or Paris, you will create wonderful memories to strengthen the bonds of your relationship. If you are facing challenges in your relationship, seek out help with a couples counselor. Keep things peaceful and conflict-free when your child comes home from school.
4. Financial
Strengthen your financial health. While much has improved in our economy since the Great Recession of 2007 to 2009, people are changing jobs more frequently and new technologies are making some jobs obsolete. Meet with a financial advisor to make sure you are saving enough money to weather financial storms and have enough for your retirement. Encourage your child to apply for as many grants and scholarships as possible to reduce educational expenses.
Reassure your child in the face of financial challenges. In the event that you do face a job loss or other financial challenge, inform your child, as they may need to apply for more financial aid or a work-study job. At the same time, reassure your child that you are resilient and will take steps to find a new job. Having a mind-set of optimism in the face of life’s challenges is an important lesson you can teach your child.
With fall fast approaching and college students returning to school, your nest may become half or even completely empty. Fill that nest with an array of health and wellness activities. Although you will miss your child, you will find joy in renewing your passions and relationships while planning for a secure and satisfying future.
©2018 Marcia Morris, All Rights Reserved.
Details have been altered to protect patient privacy.
