A Closer Look at the 35 Most-Commonly Felt Emotions

Have you ever wondered why we have emotions? As a psychologist who treats people who grew up in families that essentially ignored their feelings or, in other words, homes with childhood emotional neglect, I hear this question often.

To answer, I always explain that our emotions are the deepest, most personal biological expression of who we are. Our feelings are a reflection of our own distinct, individual history, our experiences, our genetics, and our humanity.

Jill Bolte Taylor, neuroscientist and author of My Stroke of Insight, has said, "Although many of us may think of ourselves as thinking creatures that feel, biologically we are feeling creatures that think."

Yet, unfortunately, in today’s world, we have many ways of demeaning and belittling our own feelings and those of others. We call them sappy or sloppy or label them drama; we consider them insipid, tiresome, wimpy, or lame. These are some of the ways we convince ourselves and others that feelings are useless and in the way.

As a psychologist, I see a widespread lack of tolerance for feelings. Indeed, if you grew up in one of the many, many households where your feelings were overlooked, discouraged, or poorly tolerated (the very definition of childhood emotional neglect), you may now, as an adult, have a negative relationship with feelings of all kinds—your own feelings, other people’s feelings, painful feelings, and perhaps even happy and positive feelings.

You may view emotions as a sign of weakness. You may hide yours from yourself and others, even the people you care about the most. You may regard the expression or sharing of feelings as maudlin, illogical, or just plain useless. You may have difficulty knowing what you feel or why because you have buried your emotions so deeply, hiding them even from yourself.

Why did emotion evolve in the first place? Sometimes, especially to emotionally neglected people, emotions seem like a burden. Wouldn’t it be better if we didn’t have to feel hurt when we have a conflict with a friend, angry when someone cuts us off in traffic, or anxious before a job interview? On the surface, maybe it would seem easier if we didn’t have to feel those things. But my belief is that if we didn’t have emotions, life would not be better. In fact, it would not be sustainable.

Emotions are messages from our bodies and are necessary for survival. They tell us when we are in danger, when to run, when to fight, and what is worth fighting for. Emotions are our body’s way of communicating with us and pushing us to do things.

Along with their messages, many emotions also deliver the energy, motivation, and drive to take action.

Below are some examples of the message and purpose of some of the most common emotions.

35 Common Emotions and What They Mean

1. Anger: Pushes you to fight back or protect yourself
2. Love: Drives you to care for your spouse, children, others
3. Passion: Motivates you to create and invent
4. Fear: Brings you the energy and motivation to protect yourself
5. Fulfillment: Informs you to seek more of whatever caused this feeling
6. Hurt: Pushes you to correct a situation
7. Sadness: Tells you that you are losing something important
8. Compassion: Pushes you to help others
9. Warmth: Tells you that you care about and like this person
10. Disgust: Compels you to avoid something
11. Anxiety: Energizes you to prepare, manage, or handle something
12. Curiosity: Motivates you to explore and learn
13. Joy: Lets you know that something wonderful just happened
14. Frustration: Tells you to try something different
15. Guilt: Compels you to repair your own wrongdoing
16. Desperation: Informs you how badly we need something
17. Enjoyment: Motivates you to seek more of this activity
18. Tedious: Says that you need a challenge
19. Lost: Communicates that you need guidance
20. Helpless: Pushes you to take charge
21. Burdened: Signals that you need help
22. Antsy: Pushes you to resolve something that bothers you
23. Off-balance: Tells you to find your center
24. Bored: Motivates you to find something stimulating for yourself
25. Awkward: Informs you to ground yourself and find your center
26. Discontented: Drives you to get your needs met
27. Free: Informs you that you have been burdened
28. Unfulfilled: Pushes you to do something that matters to you
29. Unheard: Propels you to speak up for yourself more
30. Wary: Tells you to slow down and be careful
31. Provoked: Drives you to address someone who is harming you
32. Ambivalent: Lets you know that you need to resolve something
33. Stubborn: Says you are closed to input from others
34. Weary: Pulls you toward improving your self-care
35. Apathetic, lifeless, empty, bland, blasé: All these feelings signal that you are disconnected from your feelings, a common result of childhood emotional neglect.

The Emotional Confusion of the Neglected

For every emotion, there is a purpose. Emotions are incredibly useful tools to help us adapt, survive and thrive. People who were emotionally neglected were trained to try to erase, deny, wall off, and, in some cases, be ashamed of this invaluable built-in feedback system. Because they are not listening to their emotions, they are operating at a disadvantage to the rest of us. Walling off this vital source of information can cause you to lead a less authentic life, making choices that aren’t right for yourself. It also makes it harder to experience life to its fullest and to reach your true potential.

Emotions do even more than drive us to do things. They also feed the human connections that give life the depth and richness that makes it worthwhile. It is this depth and richness that I believe provides the best answer to the question, “What is the meaning of life?” Emotional connections to others help us stave off feelings of emptiness as well as existential angst.

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© Jonice Webb, Ph.D.

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