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I’ve been reading a lot recently about how we are “addicted” to our emotions. I hadn’t thought of emotions that way—as something one could become addicted to. But it's an interesting concept. We tend to assume that we have a choice in how we feel about something. But is it a choice when it is so habitual, so ingrained that we aren’t even aware we’re doing it? There are certainly neurochemical reasons why we tend to default to certain emotions. And we know how hard it is to change our emotions when we're caught up in them.
We all know someone who, no matter what the situation, will react in a predictable way. Whether it’s the “Debbie Downer” of Saturday Night Live fame, or Beaker, the anxiety-laded chemist of the Muppets, it’s easy to see this tendency in others. When one of our friends, family, or colleagues reacts in their typical way, we often say, “Well, that’s just how Bob is.” End of story.
But what about ourselves? Can other people read us the way we read them? And if they can, what are they seeing? And how might that be affecting our work and career plans?
Let’s take a typical career challenge: Change.
One of the toughest challenges in the workplace can be the constant change. You no more than get used to things being done a certain way, when a new supervisor comes in and changes everything. Or you are comfortable with the computer system you’ve always used even though it’s old and out-of-date—and then they purchase a new system which requires you to forget everything you know and start again from scratch.
How do you react when presented with a new idea or change in your workplace? How would your colleagues say you react?
Do you tend to view change positively and look for ways to make the new situation work? Or:
- Is your first response to be afraid—to experience anxiety?
- Are you likely to become sad and feel helpless?
- Is guilt or shame a go-to for you? Do you blame yourself?
- Are you likely to vocally resist the change, letting everyone know what you think?
- Do you avoid the situation and just hope it will go away?
- Do you get angry and take it out on others—or yourself?
And, as Dr. Phil would say, “how’s that working for you?”
Now change isn’t always wonderful, and sometimes warnings are needed to make everyone rethink their decisions before moving forward, but are you applying your emotions thoughtfully and selectively to each situation? Or are you reacting in a knee-jerk way to every new idea?
What if you practiced reacting in a positive way to the change? What if you chose to be a leader among your colleagues in helping to move the new ideas forward? How would it feel to not resist the incidents in your life? And can you even do that?
The bottom line question to ask yourself is: are the emotions you choose (or perhaps are addicted to) moving you forward or holding you back? Are you less happy than your coworkers? Do you find yourself frustrated or negative about your options? Are you tired of always feeling down or stressed about situations? Are your emotions wearing you out? Then it may be time to think about what needs to change: you or your situation. It may be both. But let’s start with you.
When I meet with someone who has experienced numerous challenges in their career, I can usually find a pattern of thinking or behavior that has contributed to their problems. Have you found yourself in repetitive situations even when you have changed jobs? Do you always seem to have a challenge with your supervisor, are your colleagues less than supportive, do you find that you end up in dead-end jobs with no future? Sometimes that's just the workplace; there are dysfunctional and unsupportive workplaces, but if you see a pattern, it’s time to look within.
Breaking an addiction cycle is hard: it involves mental and physical commitment, an ability to be honest with yourself, a desire to change, and a willingness to seek guidance and support. To quote the line everyone studying counseling in grad school learns: “people don’t change easily.”
The good news is there are lots of options for breaking the addictive cycle of your thoughts and emotions. In the next few posts, I’m going to present some different systems for examining and changing your thinking in the workplace.
But today’s post is designed to get you to pause and think. It’s as simple as asking yourself:
- What are my go-to emotions in difficult situations?
- Am I perhaps addicted to these emotions?
- Do I want or need to learn to respond differently?
- How would responding differently improve my life?
If you’re brave, try asking a trusted coworker or friend if they can identify your go-to emotion. Honest insight into your situation is the best start you can make to changing your emotional addictions and freeing yourself to have a better, happier work life.
©2017 Katharine S. Brooks. All rights reserved. Find me on Pinterest, Facebook and Twitter.
Photo credit: “Change” by Andrea Nigels / Flickr Creative Commons.
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