Anger in the Age of Entitlement

Self-Help

Matching Feelings, Attitudes, and Values

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on May 3, 2024

Authentic attitudes motivate and guide autopilot behavior, even when no one is looking.

Authentic attitudes motivate and guide autopilot behavior, even when no one is looking.

Relationships

Don't Blame Your Partner. Blame This.

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on April 26, 2024

When we get too predictable, it's easy to predict problems.

When we get too predictable, it's easy to predict problems.

Relationships

Agency and Structure Within Us and Around Us

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on April 12, 2024

The tension between structure and agency plays out in all levels of human interactions, including love relationships.

The tension between structure and agency plays out in all levels of human interactions, including love relationships.

Relationships

Relationship Value Guide for Couples Counseling and Self-Help

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on April 9, 2024

Focusing on what you don’t want creates defensiveness and distance. Focusing on what you do want offers the best chance of getting the relationship you want.

Focusing on what you don’t want creates defensiveness and distance. Focusing on what you do want offers the best chance of getting the relationship you want.

Relationships

Love and Temperament

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on April 5, 2024

Love styles reflect how much interest, enjoyment, compassion, trust, love, guilt, shame, and abandonment anxiety people are likely to experience in love relationships.

Love styles reflect how much interest, enjoyment, compassion, trust, love, guilt, shame, and abandonment anxiety people are likely to experience in love relationships.

Relationships

How We Feel Love in Loving Relationships

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on April 2, 2024

To stay positive, imagine future memories.

To stay positive, imagine future memories.

Relationships

Is Your Partner Selfish?

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on March 26, 2024

We’re hypersensitive to partners acting selfishly but hardly aware when we are.

We’re hypersensitive to partners acting selfishly but hardly aware when we are.

Assertiveness

Compassionate Assertiveness and Behavior Change in Love

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on March 12, 2024

The goal of negotiation is to arrive at something you both can feel OK about, with no one feeling taken advantage of or disregarded.

The goal of negotiation is to arrive at something you both can feel OK about, with no one feeling taken advantage of or disregarded.

Therapy

After Couples Therapy

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on March 8, 2024

Maintaining gains is a problem with all forms of therapy, especially couples therapy. Insight is a function of the reflective brain, but the autopilot brain manages routine.

Maintaining gains is a problem with all forms of therapy, especially couples therapy. Insight is a function of the reflective brain, but the autopilot brain manages routine.

Self-Help

Self-Interest and Humane Values

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on March 5, 2024

Humane values sensitize us to others, especially loved ones. They keep us from being self-obsessed and narcissistic.

Humane values sensitize us to others, especially loved ones. They keep us from being self-obsessed and narcissistic.

Relationships

The Self-Value in Kindness

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on March 1, 2024

When we realize the self-reward of behaving kindly, we transcend disappointment, rejection, failure, and attempts at exploitation.

When we realize the self-reward of behaving kindly, we transcend disappointment, rejection, failure, and attempts at exploitation.

Emotional Intelligence

Principles of Hope and Meaning

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on February 23, 2024

Emotions give intensity to hope and meaning, while lack of emotion drains intensity from them.

Emotions give intensity to hope and meaning, while lack of emotion drains intensity from them.

Burnout

The Link Between Meaning, Purpose, and Burnout

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on February 16, 2024

We can avoid burnout by acting on humane values—such as compassion, kindness, protection, and respect.

We can avoid burnout by acting on humane values—such as compassion, kindness, protection, and respect.

Self-Help

Well-Being in the Autopilot Brain

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on February 6, 2024

Because most of our behavior is executed by the autopilot brain, the autopilot brain must be the focus of change.

Because most of our behavior is executed by the autopilot brain, the autopilot brain must be the focus of change.

Deception

Self-Deception Can Drive Us Crazy

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on January 30, 2024

Disappointment depletes hope and drives us crazy when we interpret it as personal failure, rejection, inadequacy, or disrespect from others.

Disappointment depletes hope and drives us crazy when we interpret it as personal failure, rejection, inadequacy, or disrespect from others.

Shame

Emotional Pain: Imprisonment or Transcendence?

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on January 16, 2024

When feeling devalued or rejected, we need to do something that will make us feel valuable, rather than powerful. We need to be compassionate, kind, supportive, and encouraging.

When feeling devalued or rejected, we need to do something that will make us feel valuable, rather than powerful. We need to be compassionate, kind, supportive, and encouraging.

Self-Help

The Bright Side of Mistakes

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on January 12, 2024

No mistake is too small to learn from. Learning from small mistakes prevents big ones.

No mistake is too small to learn from. Learning from small mistakes prevents big ones.

Anger

How to Prevent Anger Escalation

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on January 9, 2024

Most anger is like background noise until blame causes a flashpoint that spikes adrenaline and cortisol.

Most anger is like background noise until blame causes a flashpoint that spikes adrenaline and cortisol.

Stress

The Madness of Labels

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on January 5, 2024

Labels are always oversimplifications when used to describe people or complex ideas. Negative labels are inherently devaluing and closer to slurs than valid descriptions.

Labels are always oversimplifications when used to describe people or complex ideas. Negative labels are inherently devaluing and closer to slurs than valid descriptions.

Forgiveness

Why I Apologized to My Computer

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on January 2, 2024

If you feel bad about having to apologize, you’re seeing it as punishment or submission. If you feel good about it, you’re seeing it as reconciliation.

If you feel bad about having to apologize, you’re seeing it as punishment or submission. If you feel good about it, you’re seeing it as reconciliation.